Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey is a publishing phenomenon. Author E.L. James came up with the idea after humping a marbled statue that resembled Edward Cullen, the vampiric hero of Twilight. The blog Speaker7 is a publishing phenomenon according to this sentence, therefore it makes sense for blogger Speaker7 to recap the book a year after everybody in the world has heard of it and read it. That’s what it means to have your finger on the pulse of pop culture.

This recap would not be possibly without the holy-crap chemistry between its two reenactors: Hugo, the man of 1,000 faces, as Christian Grey, and Goofy, the recently named Blue Bunny, as Anastasia Steele. You two hump like no other:

Below are the recraps of Fifty Shades of Grey. Each recrap represents 50 pages of the book.

Below are recraps of Fifty Shades Darker: The Dark Member Rises and Smacks a Vaginal Ball:

Below are recraps of Fifty Shades Fried: Wait, why the fuh am I still reading this series:


  1. I just did a blog complaining about these books, and two, count ’em, TWO of my readers sent me here. I’m the luckiest girl in the world. Now, allow me to stop this writing, and go back to laughing at what YOU’VE written. Well played.

    1. Thank you. I’m hoping the complaints about the books were that EL James did not use the word “crap” enough. That’s really my only problem with it…oh, and the horrible writing, terrible plot and beyond-awful characters.

  2. This book’s been out over a year? Really? Well, as you saw, we do have lots of places to hide under in NYC! I’ll have to study now to be in form for your post on Le Clown’s site!

  3. Well hole-eee SHITballs, you’re hilarious!! So glad to have come across your blog, I’ve just started reading your brilliant recraps and am loving and looking forward to laughing my way through them all. Thanks for all your hard work (what pain it must’ve been reading through the books, I haven’t read any of them, don’t know if I want to put myself through the pain) — your writing is pure, beautiful art!

  4. Ohmilord, does this mean I’ll be able to talk about this horrid trilogy and be able to say stuff and not be ignorant ‘of something I don’t know’ AND not read it? Holy CRAP, I might love you. Like, crap, a lot, I murmured.

    1. Gandhi freed his people. I recrapped Fifty Shades of Grey. We humanitarians must fight the good fight although my fight contained a good deal more violence mainly committed against myself.

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