Fifty Shades of Grey is a publishing phenomenon. Author E.L. James came up with the idea after humping a marbled statue that resembled Edward Cullen, the vampiric hero of Twilight. The blog Speaker7 is a publishing phenomenon according to this sentence, therefore it makes sense for blogger Speaker7 to recap the book a year after everybody in the world has heard of it and read it. That’s what it means to have your finger on the pulse of pop culture.
This recap would not be possibly without the holy-crap chemistry between its two reenactors: Hugo, the man of 1,000 faces, as Christian Grey, and Goofy, the recently named Blue Bunny, as Anastasia Steele. You two hump like no other:
Below are the recraps of Fifty Shades of Grey. Each recrap represents 50 pages of the book.
- 50 Pages of Meh (pgs. 1-50)
- Fifty More Pages of PFftttt (pgs. 51-100)
- This is the Sexy Part? : Fifty Shades of Yawn (pgs. 101-150)
- Fifty Pages of Gobbilygook (pgs. 151-200)
- Fifty Shades on Repeat (pgs. 201-250)
- 50 Whacks with a Wooden Spoon (pgs. 251-300)
- Fifty Ways to Truss Your Lover (pgs. 301-350)
- Fifty Types of Vaginal Balls (pgs. 351-400)
- Fifty Shades of Ewww (pgs. 401-450)
- Fifty Sighs of Relief (pgs. 451-528)
Below are recraps of Fifty Shades Darker: The Dark Member Rises and Smacks a Vaginal Ball:
- It’s Getting Dark in Here (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 1-50)
- Fifty Flavors of Ugh (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 51-100)
- Fifty Euphemisms for Sexy Time (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 101-150)
- Mother, May I Sleep with Fifty Shades? (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 151-200)
- Fifty Pages of A Lot of Nothing (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 201-250)
- Fifty Pages of Email (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 251-300)
- Fifty Shocking Revelations!?! (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 301-350)
- Fifty Types of Butt Plugs (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 351-400)
- Fifty Mood Swings (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 401-450)
- Fifty Shades Dumber (Fifty Shades Darker: pgs. 451-544)
Below are recraps of Fifty Shades Fried: Wait, why the fuh am I still reading this series:
- Fifty Shades Fried
- Fifty Shades Freed: The Final Countdown (pgs. 1-50)
- Fifty Shades Fungholery (Fifty Shades Freed: pgs. 51-100)
- Fifty Shades Frogurt (Fifty Shades Freed: pgs. 101-150)
- Fifty Shades Freed: The Twatsausage Edition (pgs. 151-200)
- Fifty Shades Grossed Out (Fifty Shades Freed: pgs. 201-250)
- Fifty Shades Procrastination (Fifty Shades Freed: pgs. 251-300)
- Fifty Shades Freed is Unreadable (pgs. 301-350)
- Fifty New Plot Twists (Fifty Shades Freed: pgs. 351-400)
- Fifty Shades Buzzed (Fifty Shades Freed: pgs. 401-450)
- Fifty Shades Neverending (Fifty Shades Freed: pgs. 451-500)
- Let’s Finish This Twat so I can be Fifty Shades Freed (pgs. 501-548)
Speaker7 
I just did a blog complaining about these books, and two, count ’em, TWO of my readers sent me here. I’m the luckiest girl in the world. Now, allow me to stop this writing, and go back to laughing at what YOU’VE written. Well played.
Thank you. I’m hoping the complaints about the books were that EL James did not use the word “crap” enough. That’s really my only problem with it…oh, and the horrible writing, terrible plot and beyond-awful characters.
This book’s been out over a year? Really? Well, as you saw, we do have lots of places to hide under in NYC! I’ll have to study now to be in form for your post on Le Clown’s site!
Just a warning…you will lose brain cells.
What a sweetheart…you assume I have brain cells to lose! Thanks! xoM
Speaker’s right. You really, really will. Blop bloop bleep.
lllloooollllll!
thought you would appreciate this–stolen from facebook.
I don’t know if you have seen this but I thought you might appreciate it. Infographics that you could possibly use. http://www.mediabistro.com/galleycat/50-shades-of-infographic_b57253
I particularly like the one where they compare the number of times Anna says “Holy” to the number of times Robin says “Holy____Batman!”
Well hole-eee SHITballs, you’re hilarious!! So glad to have come across your blog, I’ve just started reading your brilliant recraps and am loving and looking forward to laughing my way through them all. Thanks for all your hard work (what pain it must’ve been reading through the books, I haven’t read any of them, don’t know if I want to put myself through the pain) — your writing is pure, beautiful art!
I think I love you.
Ohmilord, does this mean I’ll be able to talk about this horrid trilogy and be able to say stuff and not be ignorant ‘of something I don’t know’ AND not read it? Holy CRAP, I might love you. Like, crap, a lot, I murmured.
Gandhi freed his people. I recrapped Fifty Shades of Grey. We humanitarians must fight the good fight although my fight contained a good deal more violence mainly committed against myself.
Amen to that, amen!
We all gotta do what we gotta do for, like, humanity and stuff.
My mother went to the Fifty Shades comic musical. I’m still avoiding her so I don’t have to hear about it.
I can’t believe you did this for that sorry excuse for a novel. LMAOL!
This made me laugh so hard.