Speaker7 Solves the Deficit

The U.S. deficit is ballooning, you guys, almost as if it’s been feeding itself a steady diet of fast food hamberders. For some reason the $1.5 trillion dollar tax cut in 2017 isn’t to blame even though that caused the deficit to grow by 17 percent. How else was U.S. Rep Vern Buchanan going to pay for his $3.25 million yacht that he bought after the tax cut passed?

No the problem are the freebies that are given out to those worthless old people and those useless sick people, among others. And the wall. I mean the lack of wall or there is a wall, but it’s a fence or it’s not a fence, it’s beautiful concrete or it’s not or it is or there’s a caravan or there isn’t, but those goddamned old people and sick people with their insistence on eating food and living in shelters, the nerve.

This is some serious stuff. Do we cut off programs that save millions from destitution and an early grave or do we prevent winners from buying less yachts? You see the struggle.

I’m not a legislator, but I do see a way out of this problem that won’t entail a resurgence of poor farms and no-yacht support groups.

Hear me out.  The population of the United States is around 325 million. If you add in the 3 million who Trump claimed voted illegally for Hillary Clinton in California and the 25 million illegals he invented in a tweet then the population is, like, more.


Like 350 million hamberders. What if we made those 350 million hamberders an offer they couldn’t refuse? Like for instance, if you give the federal government $5, the federal government would let you punch Sen. Mitch McConnell in the face?


It make sense. He says and does horrible things. His face is very punchable. We have a deficit, and I’ve been wanting to take a round kick to that face for a long time, and I don’t think I’m alone.

I came to this brilliant idea watching Mitch give a speech on the Senate floor about a democratic proposal to turn Election Day into a federal holiday. Mitch would occasionally pause and swallow his lower lip as he guffawed about voting barriers being eliminated.


Mitch saw this proposal as a “political power grab.”


When I think of those unpurchased yachts, it makes me want to punch something.

Like Mitch McConnell’s face.

I have $100 saved for this venture. Won’t you please join me?



  1. You hit the nail an the head. All those old farts who paid FICA and Medicare taxes think they’re entitled to Social Security and Medicare now. We need to get rid of all entitlements unless they’re for good causes like oil companies or congressmen.

    Thank you for telling it like it is.

    1. You’re welcome. I don’t understand why people don’t just work until they die and their bones ground up for moisturizer Mitch can rub onto his shell.

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