Listen up. I’ve got a few more years to be lovable and I’m not going to waste them. I didn’t realize that when a woman hit 50, she ceased to elicit any feelings of any kind except the feeling of ewwww.
But apparently it’s a thing and it’s total science, like it’s up there with the time President Donald Trump said California only needed to rake its forests to prevent fires. That’s why his announcement today to cut all FEMA funding to California for wildfire management makes science sense.
But enough about that brilliant man, let’s get to this brilliant man. Of course this assessment comes from a man (obvs since men do science and women do nails) who knows stuff because he’s like 50 and all wizened with the wisdom that comes for 50 years of being encouraged to open his man hole and spout his man knowledge.
French author Yann Moix told Marie-Claire, the French version, that he can’t even see women 50 and over. That’s likely because eyesight is one of the first things to go as one ages. And he’s 50.
Younger bodies were more interesting, he mused as his increasingly aging balls sagged even lower.
“I like them. They way they have tits and ass, and I think that is all. There is a face? Maybe?” he said, getting up from the couch his knees snapping and creaking from the effort. He grunted a painful “Oof” and rubbed his knees. Jesus Christ, his knees ached. He wondered if it was gout from all the foie gras he consumed.
Gout affects older men. Yann Moix is 50.
“I like bodies, preferably Asian bodies,” he stated as he realized he peed a little in his pants. His prostate pressed against his bladder; these “accidents” seemed to keep happening more often.
Because he is 50.
He continued to pontificate about his Asian preferences as if he were talking about an assortment of Starbursts™ and non-Asian women 50 and over are the orange and yellow ones. And the Asian women 50 and over are the orange and yellow ones.
He said he was the prisoner of his tastes, one that preferred women to come to him in a box with different parts that he could assemble like a younger body Asian potato head.
“I don’t have to answer to any taste police,” he harpied as the bile rose in the back of his throat. Heartburn becomes more prevalent as one ages.
And Yann Mois has a non-young, non-Asian body that is 50 and possibly invisible.
“Maybe older women could provide some use, no? If they could go to some factory and be grounded up into dust that could be used to make younger Asian bodies?” He stopped for a minute and shuddered. “Still disgusting. And unlovable.”
Mois left the Marie Claire offices and stumbled onto the sidewalk. Unable to see the crush of 50-year-old bodies, but yet could feel something non-younger pressing against him. He panicked and ran into the street, and was promptly run over by an Uber driven by a non-Asian 57-year-old woman.
“I couldn’t see him,” she told police.
Did someone say something? I’m not sure. Ah, well. It’s time to learn about magic and folding things with Marie Kondo. She’s so cute! But is it weird that as she gets older, she gets a little more transparent?
At some point she completely disappears and her important job as an object for male pleasure ceases to be. The circle of life.
You close brilliantly. “I couldn’t see him.” Perfect. Cheers from a fellow invisible woman!
It is kind of cute that he believes a woman’s whole purpose is wrapped up in how a man sees her. And by cute, I mean he’s an asshole.
Correct. So cute.
As a way more than 50 year old woman, I’ve been invisible for decades. There is an upside to this. You no longer care what anyone thinks.
Very true. I think this is why Nancy Pelosi is so effective.
The interwebz has missed you, speaker! If only Trump were half the man Hugo is.
Do you think that’s what is causing the government shut down? Trump’s crippling insecurity in the face of Hugo? Wouldn’t be the first time.
As a fellow woman in my 40’s, I’m glad you brought up this important fact! If we become invisible, does that mean douchebags like that will quit grabbing our private parts? I wonder how much these younger women love it when this asshat can’t get it up (another problem for men in their 50’s!), saying he can even get them into bed with that attitude. I bet he shops for women at Republican conventions.
It is a sad day when you cross the threshold from pussy-grabbing to non pussy-grabbing, and like all useless objects, you get donated to the Salvation Army.
It may be my 50+ eyes but I’m pretty sure Douchebag’s photos is from a 70’s porn VHS cover.
But it has to be the worst 70s porn.
I can see the post, but WordPress does not let me like it. I wonder if that’s an age thing, too – like, I’m still able to see you, but no longer able to like ypu?
Definitely. It’s impossible to like anything an older woman does apart from completely disappearing.
You lost me at men do science and women do nails. SMH.
That is what we call a joke.
Yes, I figured it out.
I apologize for getting my hackles up. At 55 and fully through menopause, I’ve reached the point where I just don’t care. For that dude there are just as many younger guys who like older women but the ultimate freedom is not to really be interested anyway. Which doesn’t mean that I haven’t been acutely aware that as fertility declined, sexual attraction took a nosedive.. even though most men wouldn’t have the nerve to say what he did it’s clever of you to point him out, because subtly and insidiously, it’s a thing.