The Good Ol’ Pricks Debate

I watched the entire GOP debate last night and while my stomach muscles are still strained from all the dry-heaving, I felt compelled to actually write a post to share the highlights.

There were so many good things happening—so, so many. So many fantastic visionaries on one stage, so many enthusiastic audience members cheering the worst things, so many witnesses to the demise of the American democratic system.

It’s really hard to pick a favorite moment, but that doesn’t mean we can’t try.

It began with a shot of the most popular candidate at the moment, Donald Trump. I believe his face truly represents the face of the Republican Party:

funguy

There was that special time when Trump was asked about his penchant for calling woman “fat pigs”, “slobs”, “disgusting animals” and “losers who don’t appreciate megalomaniacs with Easter-grass toupees and micropenises”:

mustusetrumpface

Then there was that beautiful moment when the audience cheered wildly about Trump’s claim of referring to only one woman as a “fat pig”.

horriblepeople

I also enjoyed when Trump gave “evidence” about his claim that Mexico only sends the criminals, drug dealers and rapists to this country:

trumpevidence

Or the moment Trump said his solution to immigration was to build a wall and that he asked former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush to do it:

dickwall

There was the time Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker made this face:

thisface

And then made this face:

thisfacetoo

And then opened his mouth and I finally understood the concept of the banality of evil:

walkertalks

Or that time when Sen. Marco Rubio was asked about his support of allowing abortions in cases of rape and incest, and looked like a deer in headlights and began voraciously back-pedaling without the assistance of a bottle of water:

no-exceptions-rubio

Or the moment when the millionaire candidates tried to out-poor each other:

outpoor

The time Mike Huckabee challenged the claim from the movie Hustle and Flow that “it’s hard out here for a pimp” and blamed pimps and prostitutes for social security’s budget problems:

pimptax

The moment Ohio Gov. John Kasich used the “I have a gay friend” defense to deflect a question about same sex marriage:

gayfriends

The entire time Jeb Bush looked like an uncomfortable, sad man:

saduncomfortablejed

How about the fantastic Facebook questions?!?:

facebookquestions

facebookquestion2

Or when Rand Paul challenged Trump’s “hair” to a fight:

trumppursinglips

When Trump asked the moderators if he could have one minute to squeeze out a fart:

trumpletsoutfart

Or when Ted Cruz broke into song:

tedcruzsings

Breathtaking, really. And we still have over a year until the general election!

Oh boy…the dry heaves are starting again.

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54 comments

      1. I was pretty close to falling in love, just on the basis of this EXTREMELY ACCURATE and THAT’S EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED recap of the debate — and then the first comment I see is a ringing endorsement from Becoming Cliche??

        Well, that seals the deal. I’m glad you’re back too! — even though, technically speaking, I’ve never stopped by your little corner of the intertubes before and thus have been not-so-entirely-aware of your absence. (Nobody’s perfect.)

        Best, alice

      2. Thank you so much. I truly believe this blog post could serve as a transcript of the debate and should be archived at the Library of Congress based on its accuracy. And Becoming Cliche is beyond awesome.

  1. And then I considered the prospect of Hilary Clinton as President and started dry heaving even worse! And Screaming! And stabbing myself in the eyes!

  2. She’s baaaaaaack! I sure hope you stick around to give us your take on Donald Trump’s Easter-grass hair in the future. I need to keep up to date with exactly who is raping the drugs.

  3. Interesting. From the comments I understand this was supposed to be a humorous post. Sadly, I don’t see much difference between this post and the reality of today’s Republican Party.

      1. Here in California, we’ve already had an orange Governor — Schwarzenegger. And let’s not forget the current orange Speaker of the House of Representatives. It’s about time to give the Presidency to an oompa-loompa, don’t you think?

  4. I loved this. How we have taken democracy from a glorious guarantor of liberty and the rights of the normal citizen to some kind of freak show where the brand of one very odd character’s hair gel seems to be the most urgent question. The world is more troubled than it has been for decades, and these men are meant to be our saviours: Who said Destiny didn’t have a sense of humour.

  5. I watched and then had the pleasure of these wholes showing up in my dream causing me to wake up at 3a.m. with a pounding headache. I was thinking of coming up with a 2016 Election Trail Survival Kit….we’re gonna need it!

  6. You watched the entire thing? I think that may be a bigger sacrifice than reading the entire 50 Shades series. At least everyone realized that was fiction, whereas only a small portion of the country realizes the debates are fictional.

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