The anniversary of the afternoon I shot out of my mother’s birth canal is this week.
For some reason, my mother felt this was the appropriate time to take a tour of the cemetery to pick out our family burial plot.
There are possible more morbid ways to ring in another year of life.
We could have gone casket shopping:
Or attended a slideshow lecture on organ putrefaction.
I haven’t been excited about my birthday for awhile. My knees are creakier, my memory is shoddier and my knees are creakier.
My husband says “Well, it’s better than the alternative.”
Now I know the alternative will be a hole on a hill or a hole near the main thoroughfare.
My mother wanted to know what my dying self preferred. I tried to imagine where I’d like to be once I shuffled off this mortal coil.
Speaking of cremation, did you know you that you can get an urn in the likeness of your head?
I’m shocked that Hugo has inserted himself into this moment. He seems to think he has the final decision over what happens to me in the end.
My husband is right. Getting older is wayyyyyyyyy better.
At this moment of publishing Speaker7 is even closer to her demise. What a better way to spend her remaining days, but writing a daily post as a member of the Nano Poblano Team?
There was actually an episode of “The Nanny” where Fran’s mother gave her a couple of burial plots for her birthday.
I can’t tell you how many times my life has been compared to “The Nanny”
Hugo is Immortal! He never needs to worry about where his final resting place will be!
My darling Dad died 2 years ago, my mother and I were with him to the very last moment. He wished to be cremated, and so he was. But now my Mum won’t let his ashes be buried or scattered until she goes with him. As a result we have this wonderful polished oak box – complete with brass plaque- containing his ashes sitting on the chest-of-drawers in the hall. Mum always has a bowl of fresh flowers from the garden beside it. Everyone taps the box and wishes Dad goodmorning or goodnight. It sounds creepy but it isn’t, it is just as though he is still there. My Mum’s char lady always comes in and tells ‘Dad’ what she thinks of the weather and what is going on in the village! Surreal but lovely in a way.
I agree. That is rather lovely.
Love this – as I, too, am facing a birthday this week. Somehow they’re not as much fun as they were in my twenties…
I think the best were in the first decade except if clowns were involved.
Perhaps our knee’s can creak in tune with “Dueling Banjo’s”
That would probably go viral on youtube.
Go shawty, it’s your birthday
We gonna party like it’s your birthday
We gon’ sip Bacardi like it’s your birthday
Today, your birth date is 11/13/13. What is 111313? What does that mean?
btw, you’re doing quite well with Nano Poblano. The posts are uniformly entertaining.
Thank you. I also was “raising the roof” while I read your comment and then I stopped because I looked like an a-hole.
Happy birthday. I intend to be reincarnated. Somewhere tropical.
Good plan.
If you decide to go with cremation your heirs could hollow out your favorite half-man, Hugo, so he could double as your urn. You two could be together for eternity or at least until he biodegrades. And oh yeah, happy birthday.
He is already hollowed out so it appears it was meant to be.
Er, Happy…? birthday! I vote head urn, all the way. You can make it smaller, too, since you’re sans gall bladder AND tonsils.
And who knows what else I will have given up by then. I might be the size of Spongebob at the end and could be fitted into an actual pineapple.
Happy birthday, will this make you Speaker 8?
Two years ago, I called the tacky cemetery where my parents are buried of order the tacky plastic flowers that are the only type allowed. They put me on hold and played ads for coffins, burial plots and their crematorium. By the time I got a human I wanted to dig up both parents. Choose carefully.
Yikes!
Also – we never know what middle age is exactly until the day we die- so we can divide that in half… math is so useful in death.
Now I get why we’re taught division. Thanks!
Well, it’s important to know when we might have had a midlife crisis in retrospect for our people are we are done.
Getting older does beat the alternative, and I suppose there’s your creative legacy, but I think regularly of Woody Allen’s line, “I don’t want to achieve immorality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.”
I love Woody Allen. I should amend that to say his writing not his adopted-daughter marrying.
Happy birthday! Or, happy one-day-closer-to-your-death day, a holiday you can celebrate ANY time!
This is true and means daily cake.
Happy Birthday S7! xo I’m glad you are still on the “mortal coil”. Your posts always make me laugh. Unless they are about politics. Those make me want to pick out my “forever resting place”.
Make sure you get a head urn.
Happy Birthday Speaker 7!! Hopefully you won’t have to worry about these decisions for a loooooonnnnnnggggg time! Of course, you won’t have to worry about them at all whent he time comes….ugghhh…I don’t like to think of such things…
Yeah, mortality kind of sucks.
Well, Happy Birthday to You, Speaker7. Maybe you should look into having one of those head ones made in Hugo’s likeness so we will recognize you.
I’m thinking Hugo will quickly discard me. Most parasites move onto the next host after the previous host’s demise.
Are you and Jen and Tonic the same person? I’m beginning to wonder…
I’ve been wondering this as well. Separated at birth?
We need to call Maury.
I’ll submit to one of Maury’s paternity tests because MAURY! MAURY! MAURY!
I love morbidity! I am a big fan of old cemeteries with crumbling tombstones. So please, no urn – do something with style that future generations can marvel at.
Like a disco ball?
A disco ball is maybe too easily weathered … they do not age well, I am afraid!
Happy Birthday, Speaker7! Party like it’s 1999. Or something.
Ah, the 90s….how I miss thee.
Happy birthday to you! I think you need to celebrate with some martinis. At 10 a.m. 😉
I will add them to the scotch.
Don’t trust Hugo. I feel as though he’ll play a part in your ultimate demise.
No kidding. I swear I saw him lurking by a tombstone at our cemetery visit.
If you don’t get cremated and have your ashes put in an urn that looks just like Hugo, your death was in vain.
Pretty much.
Happy birthday!
For your information, there is a company that presses post-cremation ashes into a diamond. That way, you can retain your brilliance forever.
Aw! That’s sooooo….gross.
For some reason, I found the sound of the horn at the beginning excruciatingly funny. I played it 9 times and I am still weeping. I don’t know why. I think I’m over tired.
Happy birthday / closer to death day, Speaker 7 x
Thank you for appreciating the beauty of the horn.
I think the point of celebrating your birthday is so that you can forget that you are actually supposed to be mourning it. With that in mind, my condolences…
Thanks so much for your kind words.
I will never get over being creeped out by the urn with a wig. NEVER.
But you do have to admit you kind of like his goatee.
-giggles- Happy belated birthday. Believe it or not they can become more fun if you commit to doing something memorable to mark each decade. At least that way you won’t forget what you did on your 90th!
I forgot what I did yesterday so I don’t know if that will work.
lmao – clearly not memorable enough! Have you considered bungee jumping?
This is LOLF! Your mother has peculiar associations. Birth and burial plots together? Or was this an attempt at multi-tasking?
It could have been. We’re all very pressed for time.
Aaahhhhh que en el mundo???
I know mundo means world because i googled it so I’m just going to say: si.