Here Lies Speaker7

The anniversary of the afternoon I shot out of my mother’s birth canal is this week.

For some reason, my mother felt this was the appropriate time to take a tour of the cemetery to pick out our family burial plot.


There are possible more morbid ways to ring in another year of life.

We could have gone casket shopping:

casketshoppingOr attended a slideshow lecture on organ putrefaction.

You will thank me for this.

You will thank me for this.

I haven’t been excited about my birthday for awhile. My knees are creakier, my memory is shoddier and my knees are creakier.

My husband says “Well, it’s better than the alternative.”

Now I know the alternative will be a hole on a hill or a hole near the main thoroughfare.

My mother wanted to know what my dying self preferred. I tried to imagine where I’d like to be once I shuffled off this mortal coil.

urnthinkingSpeaking of cremation, did you know you that you can get an urn in the likeness of your head?

Not the slightest bit creepy.

Not the slightest bit creepy.

hugolikesI’m shocked that Hugo has inserted himself into this moment. He seems to think he has the final decision over what happens to me in the end.

hugoplansMy husband is right. Getting older is wayyyyyyyyy better.

At this moment of publishing Speaker7 is even closer to her demise. What a better way to spend her remaining days, but writing a daily post as a member of the Nano Poblano Team?


  1. Hugo is Immortal! He never needs to worry about where his final resting place will be!
    My darling Dad died 2 years ago, my mother and I were with him to the very last moment. He wished to be cremated, and so he was. But now my Mum won’t let his ashes be buried or scattered until she goes with him. As a result we have this wonderful polished oak box – complete with brass plaque- containing his ashes sitting on the chest-of-drawers in the hall. Mum always has a bowl of fresh flowers from the garden beside it. Everyone taps the box and wishes Dad goodmorning or goodnight. It sounds creepy but it isn’t, it is just as though he is still there. My Mum’s char lady always comes in and tells ‘Dad’ what she thinks of the weather and what is going on in the village! Surreal but lovely in a way.

  2. Love this – as I, too, am facing a birthday this week. Somehow they’re not as much fun as they were in my twenties…

  3. Go shawty, it’s your birthday
    We gonna party like it’s your birthday
    We gon’ sip Bacardi like it’s your birthday

    Today, your birth date is 11/13/13. What is 111313? What does that mean?

    btw, you’re doing quite well with Nano Poblano. The posts are uniformly entertaining.

  4. If you decide to go with cremation your heirs could hollow out your favorite half-man, Hugo, so he could double as your urn. You two could be together for eternity or at least until he biodegrades. And oh yeah, happy birthday.

  5. Happy birthday, will this make you Speaker 8?

    Two years ago, I called the tacky cemetery where my parents are buried of order the tacky plastic flowers that are the only type allowed. They put me on hold and played ads for coffins, burial plots and their crematorium. By the time I got a human I wanted to dig up both parents. Choose carefully.

  6. Getting older does beat the alternative, and I suppose there’s your creative legacy, but I think regularly of Woody Allen’s line, “I don’t want to achieve immorality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.”

  7. Happy Birthday S7! xo I’m glad you are still on the “mortal coil”. Your posts always make me laugh. Unless they are about politics. Those make me want to pick out my “forever resting place”.

  8. Happy Birthday Speaker 7!! Hopefully you won’t have to worry about these decisions for a loooooonnnnnnggggg time! Of course, you won’t have to worry about them at all whent he time comes….ugghhh…I don’t like to think of such things…

  9. For some reason, I found the sound of the horn at the beginning excruciatingly funny. I played it 9 times and I am still weeping. I don’t know why. I think I’m over tired.
    Happy birthday / closer to death day, Speaker 7 x

  10. -giggles- Happy belated birthday. Believe it or not they can become more fun if you commit to doing something memorable to mark each decade. At least that way you won’t forget what you did on your 90th!

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