This post is dedicated to Darla of She’s a Maineiac for giving me a post idea during this hell I call “Daily Posting Shitball Fuck.”
If you remember just a few short days ago I posted about How To Write a Daily Post. One of the suggestions was to create a post of pretty pictures coupled with platitudes. So this is mine. Prepare to be inspired:
It is never too late to stop posting every day…except it is too late for Speaker7. She is part of the Nano Pablona Team this month of November posting as fast as a bear can shit in the woods.
Speaker7 
Reblogged this on jem@realgemshoppe.com and commented:
and those shit be flushed in my toilet ASAP. eow.
I’m going to make a bumper sticker of the one about the children being our future. Also, thank you for finally asking the question that has kept me up most nights — why the fuck do you want to attract flies?
We still don’t know the answer to why people want to attract flies. Do you think we’ll ever know?
Maybe flies are just the first step? Maybe they’re trying to bait a spider, so they can attract a cat, to attract a dog. Maybe that’s what the Old Lady was all about too, perhaps she didn’t “accidentally” swallow the fly– maybe she caught it in her gullet.
Holy shit! that was hilarious! What a way to wake up!
I’m glad you’ve been inspired. Now go take some pictures of your breakfast and upload it to the internet somewhere. Godspeed.
Thanks! I think my phone may have a camera on it!
Off topic: How do you approach this? Do you have bullets in the chamber, so to speak? Are the next four or five posts already written? Or do you boot-up and stare at a blank screen every morning and weave your magic web?
…and good luck tonight. Election returns should start to pour in around 9:04. Is Mr. Speaker7’s campaign headquarters located in an elegant ballroom festooned with balloons and streamers?
Last year, I was way ahead of the game and had 5 posts ready to go in case of brain hemorrhaging. This time it’s flying by the seat of my pants. I hate this way much more.
Holy orange peels – I just laughed my ass off. (The rose/rabies was my favorite.) I swear I’m laughing WITH you with this whole daily post thing, too.
And to echo Exile – good luck tonight!
The interesting thing about the orange peel one is that it had the platitude if life gives you lemons…Is the idea that you should mutate the lemon into a zombie orange?
It puts the lotion in the basket. – Merbear
That’s one of my favorite quotes.
Mine as well.
Perfect way to start election day, S7. May I please have a signed copy of each?
(Good luck to your husband! I’m off to vote! Sadly I don’t get to vote for him. Especially since I don’t know his name or where you live and the person I’m voting for in the delegate race is a woman and I’m pretty sure a woman did not father your Legomaniac.)
We live in that state with the statue of liberty and niagara falls so I guess you can’t vote for him, but maybe if you write in Mr. Speaker7 it will count some way?
I thought you were in VA!
Well, it just so happens that the Statue of Liberty is, technically in New Jersey. So which is it? New Jersey or New York? FYI: The only football team that plays in New York is the Buffalo Bills. Fact.
I’m trying to comment on Exile’s comment but there is no reply there.
There is also a statue of liberty in Paris. And I think it was there first.
I am much more inspired by these platitudes than the usual ones. Happy slappy makes me want to hurl chunks.
I think the last one is my most inspiring.
These are so much better than the ones that usually come across my desk. I can relate to them on a much higher level. Don’t be surprised if you see Speaker7 postcards all over the net in days to come.
That would be an improvement over the bitstrips I’ve been seeing nonstop on Facebook.
I too am part of team poblano. I am slowly trying to catch up with all the others. There are a lot of people doing this. Cudos to those of us that pull this off. lol I love the photo with the successful blogger caption the best. giggles.
If only that believing thing worked and stuff.
You nailed this. The FLIES one?? HA! And the reality TV show one, obviously! Clearly you’re doing fine just flying by the seat of your pants although I’m sure it’s not quite as easy/fun! 🙂
I think I would do better if I read some inspiring placards about NaBloWriMo like “…. Yeah, I don’t know what to write for NaBloWriMo either.”
My roommate came into my room because I was laughing so loudly, and he was trying to make sure I wasn’t having a stroke. The one about Instagram is my favorite, mostly because I’m the asshole who takes pictures of her food and then says things like, “#Paleo #Chili. What do you know about this life, son?”
Can you do a post of your food captions please?
I have never been more turned on by you.
From you that is the highest compliment.
Hey, can I use some of these on the Canvas facebook page — with credit to you and a link to this post of course? I try to post something funny at the end of every day (which is a lot more work than I had originally planned on) and I’d like to make use of your brilliance.
Yes of course. Spread my “wisdom” to the masses, please.
Oh my gahhhhd – those are hiLARious! Thanks for the laugh. I’m at home sick, in a pool of my own sweat and misery. I needed it. Yes I just typed that in your comment section. I’m sick – I get a pass today. Great post!
I think you just came up with your own inspiring saying with that “pool of my own sweat and misery.” Hope you feel better.
I need that in a monthly calendar.
It will have to be one of the short months because I peter out after about 10.
The last one is the best.
I was toying between that and “YOLO” for the creepy orange zombie weirdo thing.
These are great platitudes! I’m inspired, especially by the last one!
I was inspired to replicate the third one.
Darn it, I can’t figure out if that orange-zombie is walking forward with an orange on its back or if it’s walking away with an orange in front of it. I’m seriously gonna be losing sleep over that one. Not to mention how those two frail legs are able to carry the weight of an entire orange. The more I think about it, the more it freaks me out. Speaker 7 made a valid point: What the FUCK is that thing!?
On a totally different note, thanks for the laugh!
Hmm….you are right. I thought that was the belly button, but it could also work as an anus.
The philosophizing of Speaker 7 brought a tear to my eye, until I realized that my retina was in the process of being stabbed by a fallen eyelash that felt like a spear. Good timing for that though.
This comment could be put on a picture of a sunflower or an ocean wave that’s how much it has inspired me.
What IS the point of living if I don’t have my own reality TV show. Seriously. Nailed it
Thank you and my viewers thank you.
I have had a particularly fucked up time recently–yes, I’m making this about me, mea culpa–and haven’t opened my email in 10 days. What do I find?? A post by Speaker 7.
Life is once again a good place.
I worship you. I hope that makes you uncomfortable.
It was the zombie orange that sent you over the edge into the cult of Speaker7, am I right?
I love the pics S7. You are one funny chick. 🙂