My WordPress draft folder is a minefield of missed opportunities.
Missed Opportunity #1:
What did I mean when I created a post titled “The State of Florida Loves Me” and then wrote nothing else?
I guess we’ll never know since I have no recollection of even creating this post.
Missed Opportunity #2
I thought I had come up with a pretty good idea with this title:
Attention-grabbing, yes? I came up with that snazzy title a few days before last year’s NaBloWriMo.
And what were my fantastic ideas?
This:
Pretty compelling, although I think I could really win if I ran on that platform given what passes for politicians these days (Mr. Speaker7 excluded).
Missed Opportunity #3
I could have joined Des on her journey toward finding fabricated marketing synergy on the latest incarnation of The Bachelorette. Instead I have a draft post filled with random notes taken during the premiere episode. I’m 98 percent sure I was a bit intoxicated when I typed these:
- People are saying words that follow the basic construct of sentences, but there is little to no meaning.
- “Does your fairytale have a happy ending?” Chris Harrison opines. Are these people unfamiliar with fairytales? They’re bloody as shit, the real ones anyway. People eating children, fathers lopping off sons’ heads.
- drilling fluid engineer is a naked coffee drinker…now I can die
- dental student states: “I’m a Renaissance man”
- wow it’s so surreal and boring and mouskatools.
- guy brings a dead bird bone
- hashtag dork
- inside, the men circle jerk
- creepy banker nicknames her Venus. I come up with a nickname “Pathetic loser” Nailed it.
- date rapist sent home early for trying to date rape Des all night
Sorry, no rose for you, gentle reader
Missed Opportunity #4
This had no title. I’m guessing I wanted to write something about lapses in judgment, but could only churn out this:
This was a lapse in judgment. This can happen some time.
For instance, someone in the employ of Huffington Post created this news banner:
Just what is “sex news” anyways? **Breaking SEX NEWS: Sir Mix-A-Lot Still Prefers Big Butts**
I think a “Sex News” post has to happen in the future.
Missed Opportunity #5
My son said this to me: “You’re sick in the mouth.”
I’m not quite sure what he meant, but I thought I could piece together a post about “Things My Son Tells Me”…but then I got sick in the mouth and abandoned it.
Missed Opportunity #6
This title came after seeing a picture of a Facebook “friend” in black face and other “friends” liking and commenting.
And only this simple missive:
What drafts do you have lingering about?
Speaker7 has a couple drafts of this post, but this one turned out to be the best. Sorry. Speaker7 continues to slog through this hellish long month of November as a member of the Nano Poblano team.
Speaker7 
I cracked up reading this because I have never been sure if I am the only one with several (too many) started posts and/or random titles. I just looked at my drafts and the one that caught my eye was one titled “pissy”. What followed was a hilarious dose of pissed off-ness. Momma was having a BAD day. I think I’ll hold on to that one…if nothing else it will be good for a needed laugh some morning.
I think I now need to write a post titled “pissy” because that may be the best headline of all time.
Thanks. Lol. I could write that one at least two (of four)times a week.
Speaker7,
I have a draft that has been collecting dust, called “Punch You in the Dick”, but unfortunately, I haven’t had any material to add to it as lately, my rage ranges from punching someone in the face or in the kidneys… Someone needs to irritate me more.
Le Clown
Hahahaha! To bad you don’t live in Toronto, Msr. Clown, sounds like a certain crackhead mayor would be your candidate for sure.
I love that guy. I mean, I really, really love that guy. How can you not?
Le Clown,
How can I be of service to make “Punch You in the Dick” a reality. The world needs this.
Speaker7
You wouldn’t be saying that if you had one. Trust me.
Sex news? I thought that was Cosmo. Pretty much any of these could have been great posts. I suggest using one per day and see how you can stretch it out.
Can I just re-run these excerpts as their own posts? Please?
That works! Or publish the comments. Or put down one word. People will read.
Perhaps you can combine “Drafts” and “Sex News” and do a post on raincoats.
You are a fucking genius.
It’s so nice to finally be recognized!
Maybe Florida loves you because there are a whole bunch of old fat crusty people there and you’re young, thin and not crusty by comparison? IDK. My draft folder has a whole bunch of nonsense as well. It’s where posts go do die, because if I don’t finish the post in one sitting, it’s not going to happen.
I am the same way. If I don’t write it immediately than I lose it.
I have a draft from over a year ago entitled, Gay Hate Make Hulk Sad. Sounds like a gem. I wonder why I never did anything with that. Oh, and on behalf of the state of FL, we do love you.
Thank you fish although you may be the only Floridian who feels that way.
“you’re sick in the mouth”. hahaha! ah, man, if I had a nickel for every time my kids told me this (and other things) I currently have a post draft about the weird shit my kids say. I’d post it but I am much too lazy.
So this is a thing kids say? Good. I was worried my son could sense mouth cancer or something worse.
Way to spin gold out of straw. You’re magic.
I have several photos of an outdoor art installation involving walls made from stacks of rope painted bright blue, yellow and red that I’m certain will make a captivating post. The exhibit was up through August. Any day now, I’ll write that post and I’m certain readers will FLOCK. I hope they don’t crash my server.
I have never, ever been compared to Rumplestiltskin before. This is the greatest moment of my life.
I only have a post I never published that I wrote for/with my former Special Someone not quite two years ago. I call my draft folder The Dead File. Yeah, I’m a romantic.
Awwwwwww……
I am personally weeping over the fact that your comedic genius has not been showcased in all of those unfinished posts. Do you have any idea how many people rely on you for laughter? DO YOU?!
The fact that you used the terms “comedic genius” means I can gladly accept my new burial plot. You are the true comedic genius by the way.
NOT EVEN CLOSE
I was recently showing an excerpt of “Birth Of A Nation” to my Intro To Film class to demonstrate the development of cinema (even thought it’s a reprehensible film, morally), and someone finally asked, “Wait, are all the black characters white people in black face?” somehow, that was as bad as the fact the heroes of the film are Klansmen. Just the icing on the racist cake.
I vaguely recall that film. I remember white actors in black face acting like animals in Congress. Ugh. But thankfully a student saw that because, I don’t know about you, but this younger generation scares the shit out of me.
Oh God, even your unfinished posts bring hilariousity into my life.
Thank you and I would like to use the word “hilariousity” in the future because it is amazing.
Omg the naked coffee drinker hahaha. And sick in the mouth you must pursue please. Sex news is a yes. And attention white people is a sure win : )
PS I have many, many drafts of meaningless shit (wine), but I’m convinced one day they will almost matter.
“People Are Watching You.” I have only the title, but I think it speaks for itself.
After reading this post, I checked out my crazy drafts and realized I had 49 drafts! Sadly, the majority of them I couldn’t recall what in the world some of them were about and the others just need a good ending. Sigh.
I think you could combine the cattle prod, Florida, Bachelorette and the sex news and really have a wild post! 😉
Reblogged this on English Language.
I publish the first post I manage to string together semi-coherently. For the time being, this is the best I can do. If people don’t like it, they don’t have to read OR follow. Just sayin’.
Sex News needs to be a regular post and include cattle prods.
It seems appropriate that I missed you Missed Oppotunities post. At least we are in sync.