Many of you have been asking about my tonsillectomy recovery.
This may be something I hallucinated. I’m on some pretty strong painkillers.
It turns out it wasn’t such a bad idea to read tonsillectomy horror stories online. It makes the throat and ear pain seem not so bad compared to those who complain of choking on phlegm, vomiting blood, transforming into werewolves, etc.
I’ve mainly been sucking down pureed cauliflower and watching DVDs of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. All in all, not too shabby.
But it’s nothing compared to what my tonsils have been doing.
Apparently the infected duo had a bucket list, and in less than a week, have crossed 10 items of their list.
1. Meet other vestigial organs
2. Visit an art gallery
3. Go parasailing
4. Go horseback riding
5. Play music on a street corner
6. Get interviewed by Matt Lauer on the Today show
7. Climb Mt. Everest
8. Perform stand up
9. Enter a hot dog eating contest
10. Meet E.L. James
What’s on your bucket list?
Speaker7 
Thank you for making me laugh so hard on a Pre Christmas Saturday morning. I want to finish the last Fifty shades book without wanting to vomit and kick Anastasia Steele’s idiotic ass.
That is a laudable, but unattainable goal.
I think I’m a bit upset that a discarded organ gets out more than I do…
Good one, Guap!
How do you think I feel? My main trip has been to the bathroom to take a shower while my tonsils are living large.
And here I thought removed tonsils just headed on down to the pathology department…
That’s what they want you to think.
Damn, I’m glad they ran out on you. Hope you are enjoying your rest and relaxation while hauling heavy boxes, unpacking them, bending over and standing back up. Yup. That all sounds wonderfully restful.
At least you have the drugs.
The drugs do help and I’m exempt from lifting anything for two weeks. Something to do with disrupting the tonsil scabs. So it’s not all bad.
Glad it is over for you, finally. And I can’t believe you read that stuff on the internets. There really are times when ignorance is bliss!
My bucket list consists of two small plastic ones with sea-shell patterns embossed (for beach days), one aluminium bucket (for heavy garden work) and a tiny bucket I got from a christmas cracker which has turned out to be perfect for my hamsters slopping out bucket (he’s currently in jail for biting my son!)
This is the greatest bucket list I’ve ever read.
Gosh, my buckets are blushing!!
Glad to see you’re back in form! Hope you’re ok!
Thanks, and thanks for my beautiful Festivus hat.
So glad you liked it! I’ll have to post a photo for you.
Poor, poor E.L. Everybody’s always bashing her writing. Anyway Speaker 7, glad to hear you got that slimy, semi-penis shaped object OUT of your body, and that you are on the mend!
It is sad when tonsils can even recognize E.L. James’ shittiness.
Speaker7,
I don’t understand the above comments. There is only one thing to say about this post:
BEST GODDAMN POST OF THE MONTH.
Le Clown
Le Clown,
Thank you. I was worried all my creativity was lodged inside my tonsils.
Speaker7
They’re not doing all this on your credit card, are they? I mean, I don’t know if tonsils can get their own plastic, so I hope they didn’t swipe yours. Maybe they are using Hugo’s credit? Glad to know, though, that you’re doing okay enough to post again. Yay!
Seriously, though, I’d check my credit report for ex-tonsil activity.
You know, I didn’t even think of that. I’m going to check my bank account right now.
I shouldn’t encourage you to write while on painkillers, but this is one of your best posts yet.
I didn’t even realized I wrote this. I thought I dreamt it.
I hope you recover nicely! Wasn’t quite sure what a tonsil looked like before this — I appreciate the visuals! 😀
Anything I can do to help a story along.
I thought tonsils looked like dew-covered rose petals or something. Now, because of this post, I’m going to go remove my own tonsils with a grapefruit spoon out of spite for their ugliness.
Glad you are alive — I hope you feel better soon, S7!
Thanks BBFF,
Make sure to get your painkiller prescription filled beforehand and get plenty of popisicles. Forget the ice cream, that’s too much mucous.
This entire post was hilarious, but for some reason, when I scrolled to the photo of the tonsils playing music on the street corner, I laughed so hard I spit out my hot cocoa. Too bad my tonsils didn’t come out with it. I’m with Angie, I had no idea they looked so revolting.
Hope you get some relief soon! Or at least, relief from eating pureed cauliflower!
I might get my tonsils to record an album. Maybe you can get them a gig in Maine?
Darn those tonsils of yours- I have only half a thyroid left and now it’s demanding to go horseback riding along a sandy shoreline, too!
That’s what happens. Don’t let your appendix read this or it will be asking to go on a hot air balloon ride.
What they all said and more.
My tonsils thank you.
You have very photogenic tonsils. And I don’t say that to just anyone.
Do you think they might have a shot at modeling? I don’t want to push them, you know, be that kind of person, but if they have that kind of charisma…
I think posts are better on painkillers. My pneumonia ones were tons of fun. I think. Wait – did I write those things? I forget.
And yeah, your tonsils do get out more than I do. But at least they got out. Now if only your tonsils could finish up the last 50 Shades book . . .
I believe you wrote posts during your pneumonia. Or I could have just hallucinated that. Yes, the last book. The last book is very difficult to get through. I don’t even think my tonsils can help you.
What’s a tonsillectomy? Can I get one at Toys r Us before Christmas? Is it gender neutral, or do I have to find a his and hers?
Did my brain melt and dribble out of my ears just now?
Cabbages.
If you need to know what a tonsillectomy is, I will give you the number for the nurse who gave me my first surgery consult back in October. She is an expert.
You are HILARIOUS! Every time I think you’ve written your best post ever, your next one outdoes it! Congrats on yet another great post – I’m exhausted, and yet somehow you’ve made me laugh myself back to a wakeful state. I
Aw, thanks. I’ve never thought of myself as a cure for tiredness before.
I’m never eating meat again. Hope you recover quickly.
They do look a little like chicken livers, don’t they.
Why didn’t your tonsils forever silence E.L. James when they had the chance?
Hm. I don’t know. It could be they have difficulty moving.
That’s unfortunate.
What’s that thing in the sink? A tonsil arm? Make no wonder you had to get them out. They were going to grab your liver and pull it out by the roots.
Glad to hear that you’re doing well. 🙂
That thing is an appendix. I found a picture of it online. It’s not mine. I wouldn’t be surprised if my tonsils had tonsil arms.
my coffee and my screen met and decided I am not allowed to read pain killer induced blogs any more. I don’t want to know what the other organ is (I do but am afraid).
Hopefully there will only be one or two more blogs under the influence so your computer will stay dry. The other organ is an appendix. Not mine.
I’m so glad you survived the ordeal in tact Speaker 7! Thank you for the morning laugh!
The recovery period seems neverending. I don’t know how much more pureed cauliflower I can eat.
David Bowie sex & 2 dozen cannoli…. in that order
That’s true. You wouldn’t want to eat the cannolis before the sex.
Which would be a waste…
Glad to see that they didn’t remove your sense of humor. Have a great Christmas S7. xo
I wonder where the sense of humor is lodged? I hope not the gall bladder because that is the next thing to go. Have a nice xmas too.
HAHAHAHA!!! This is so disgustingly awesome! I love it!!
Yes, they are pretty gross. That’s how my surgeon described mine.
Watching Buffy? You. Are. The. Best. And so is Buffy! If only Ana was like Buffy, then she would’ve kicked Christian’s ass and staked him. Would’ve been awesome. Also, watching Buffy is way better than doing hotdog eating with your tonsils, they’d probably cheat and put something in your food to make you sick and lose.
(They’re tricky buggers as I’m sure you know!)
Speaker7 you need to contact me. Guap and I have a post we need you to write.
fifty.four.and.a.half@gmail.com
“But mostly wine.” Please, PLEASE tell me you were allowed to drink wine along with the pureed cauliflower.
Reading this post was on my bucket list and I didn’t even know it.
Sincere thanks.
That’s so great to hear. Wouldn’t it be amazing if my tonsils had your blog on their bucket list? I’ll have to ask them. They’re touring the wineries in California at the moment.
It makes me sad that your tonsils are more ambitious than I am.
Well, they do have a short time frame once they leave the body so it’s not surprising that they lived it up.
Glad you survived your tonsillectomy well enough to share this documentary about the secret lives of removed tonsils. I predict that The Discovery Channel should come calling soon or my name’s not Rufus T. Firefly.
If anything, my tonsils should get a show on TLC.