freshly pressed

My Birthday Gift From WordPress

Forty years ago today, I made my arrival into the world.

Little did the world know that nearly 40 years later, that little darling baby girl would write about post about gonorrhea tonsils and see it get Freshly Pressed.

Did the delivery doctor have an inkling? Say when he cut the umbilical cord, that one day that red, slimy, mutant-looking screaming thing would craft a post that not only combined a fear of potatoes with STD-infected tonsils, but would also be able to insert the words “27 vaginas?”

Probably not. That’s kind of a weird thing to think about a baby.

Still this was a nice early present from the WordPress staff.

I promise my new readers that I write about other things besides venereal diseases although tomorrow’s post will make it seem like I just lied.

In fact, I just checked my search engine terms and am intrigued by this idea: chuck e cheese birther.

That seems about right.

Dearest Reader: Speaker7 is attempting to write a post every day in November so she doesn’t have to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). This is the fifteenth post. Halfway there. Lord help us all.  

Advertisements

Freshly Press(ur)ed

Wow. I can’t really say much else. In fact I’ve tried. I’ve tried out seven different sentences and I deleted all of them. I might delete that last sentence.

This picture might help sum things up:

This is a lot to take in

this is a cartoon representation of Speaker7

Yes…I’m feeling a bit of pressure. There are more of you now. How’s everyone doing? So yes…is everyone in the mood to laugh? Okay, okay, let’s do this. <fist pump> Oh my god, this is going really badly or is it really bad or real bad or breaking bad? I don’t know. I need to stop typing all my inner thoughts into this post. I forgot to get butter at the store. I can go on Monday, what am I getting all worked up about? Am I really going to burn through two sticks of butter before then? I could, I could. I really like butter…

Uh..sorry about that. Let’s start again. How’s everyone doing today? I already wrote that, this is a catastrophe. Okay, I’m just going to plow ahead.

Wait, before I do that, let’s have a little talk about expectations. Okay so I wrote that one post and some people found it funny so there may be an assumption that all posts will be funny so you subscribed because you like to read funny things and then it dawns on you that you’re mostly reading recaps of Bachelor Pad and Real Housewives of Random Place and you begin to wonder if you just gave your blog address to a complete crazy person and you don’t remember how to unsubscribe even though WordPress is suppose to be user-friendly so every day, you know that email is waiting for you and you begin to feel the weight of depression, not only do you have that car payment and mortgage, but you have to deal with figuring out how to place this email permanently in your spam folder until you can find the time to figure out how to unsubscribe, but who has got that kind of time? the boss wants you to work late again, of course with no overtime and your spouse has just been riding you about leaving your shoes in that exact spot where s/he always seems to trip, and “what are you trying to kill me” s/he says and you wonder “are you? is that why you keep doing it?” and it goes on and on in a vicious cycle and I’ve completely forgotten my point.

Expectations! That’s it. Keep them low. Thanks.

I really only had two loyal followers: notquiteold and it happens every day. Their writing is very funny, that’s why I’ve linked it. So here it is yesterday or here it was yesterday or hear it came to be pastly (see now I’m going to be second-guessing everything I write or right. Which is it??)….um….so on Wednesday, I check my email and I see a comment from notquiteold, and it’s funny like normal. I go to lunch. I come back and think “Hey maybe it happens every day looked at the post” and find my inbox inundated with messages. And that’s how I found out I was Freshly Pressed.

And it’s an honor. The last honor I won was in 6th grade. I earned the Good Citizenship award. I think it may have been given to every 6th grader.

This was a really long and convoluted way to say welcome to the blog and thanks for reading. I might erase all the rest that came before this sentence.