Speaker7 Solves the Deficit

The U.S. deficit is ballooning, you guys, almost as if it’s been feeding itself a steady diet of fast food hamberders. For some reason the $1.5 trillion dollar tax cut in 2017 isn’t to blame even though that caused the deficit to grow by 17 percent. How else was U.S. Rep Vern Buchanan going to pay for his $3.25 million yacht that he bought after the tax cut passed?

No the problem are the freebies that are given out to those worthless old people and those useless sick people, among others. And the wall. I mean the lack of wall or there is a wall, but it’s a fence or it’s not a fence, it’s beautiful concrete or it’s not or it is or there’s a caravan or there isn’t, but those goddamned old people and sick people with their insistence on eating food and living in shelters, the nerve.

This is some serious stuff. Do we cut off programs that save millions from destitution and an early grave or do we prevent winners from buying less yachts? You see the struggle.

I’m not a legislator, but I do see a way out of this problem that won’t entail a resurgence of poor farms and no-yacht support groups.

Hear me out.  The population of the United States is around 325 million. If you add in the 3 million who Trump claimed voted illegally for Hillary Clinton in California and the 25 million illegals he invented in a tweet then the population is, like, more.


Like 350 million hamberders. What if we made those 350 million hamberders an offer they couldn’t refuse? Like for instance, if you give the federal government $5, the federal government would let you punch Sen. Mitch McConnell in the face?


It make sense. He says and does horrible things. His face is very punchable. We have a deficit, and I’ve been wanting to take a round kick to that face for a long time, and I don’t think I’m alone.

I came to this brilliant idea watching Mitch give a speech on the Senate floor about a democratic proposal to turn Election Day into a federal holiday. Mitch would occasionally pause and swallow his lower lip as he guffawed about voting barriers being eliminated.


Mitch saw this proposal as a “political power grab.”


When I think of those unpurchased yachts, it makes me want to punch something.

Like Mitch McConnell’s face.

I have $100 saved for this venture. Won’t you please join me?


Mr. Speaker7 Goes to Washington

So Mr. Speaker7 won his local election.

I think my elation can be best summed up in a series of gifs:

You can’t top Van Damme’s dance moves.

Thanks to all everyone’s kind wishes. Now comes the part with the governing and shit.

Speaker7, who is now an official politician’s wife bitches!!!!, is writing a post every day as part of the Nano Poblano Team. She would like you to vote for less days in November.

NaBloWriMo Coming to a Clo

Sweet Jesus on a Pringle! The end of November is near and soon endeth my indenture servitude to the 30-post-a-day blog challenge.

Three posts remain. What will they be about?

Seriously, I’m asking you, what will they be about?

That’s right, the last three posts will be chosen by you, the reader!

I was toying around with some ideas:

  • Pecan Sandies – Who the fuck eats these?
  • People Magazine wraps up the top stories of 2012 even though there’s still more than a month left to the year
  • My best spam emails
  • Gigantic greeting cards
  • What Hugo is looking for in a woman and/or puppet
  • The best Speaker7 post you never read from the time she had 9 followers
  • something about that thing

As you can see, I’m struggling. That’s where you come in.

You will vote for the post you would like to read.

Full disclosure: I do not want to write about pecan sandies. I really don’t know why anyone eats them. At my former workplace, we would take turns buying treats for the office, and my boss would buy these, and it was the equivalent of giving a kid Mary Janes for Halloween. And that’s pretty much all I have to say on the matter.

If you vote for other that means you want to read something other than the shit ideas I’ve been toying with. Leave your suggestions in the comments, please.

And so the endeth begineth.