Nothing happened on the second episode of Ready for Love.
I mean, I guess some things happened, but in the end it added up to a bunch of nothing. I was most intrigued by audience members holding up signs:
If you are unfamiliar with this new reality television show, it’s basically The Bachelor, but with three dudes of meat. There are also three matchmakers who remind me of The Fates. They choose women from binders and place them in plastic doll cases for the meat dudes’ appraisal. Like so:
Two meat dudes get to flail their meat appendages around tonight. Both dudes are completely comfortable being shirtless in their biographical videos; Ben morso than Ernesto.
Ben bores with his “fascinating” origin story. “My parents were doctors. I’m a frat boy. I worked on Wall Street. I’m comfortable being filmed continually sans shirt.” But if I continue being nonfascinated by Ben, I will miss out on the pfftt that is Ernesto’s journey.
Two of “his” women are former Miss USA contestants. This knowledge thrills the remaining contestants:
Surprisingly, some of the contestants are emotinally unhinged. One waxes fart about her spirituality, and spends the majority of the episode trying to kill one of the beauty queens:
Another expresses astonishment that she has to compete for Ernesto. . . on a reality dating show. She sulks during the extremely relevant hot tub time:
In her one-on-one time, she rambles on about the other women not picking up their pubic hair and dishes. During the matchmaker meeting, she is placed in the bottom three to go home. The dude matchmaker, who has an affinity for vests, says lady is boresville.
Ernesto dumps her, and acts as if the woman he saved from elimination should be thankful for the honor.
Ben has a former ex vying for his frat love. One of the contestants is a virgin who proffers her impending broken hymen as a gift to Ben. Another makes a “save-the-date” card for their wedding and is immediately banished to the bowels of hell. And yet another dresses up as a superhero unfortunately named “Miss Devotion.” Her power is infinite sadness.
Ben overuses “you guys” to refer to his potential wives. He confabs with a woman who has kids, and makes me uncomfortable with his “momma” talk.
His ex thinks “it sucks” that she has to compete with other women. . . on a reality dating show. Ben feels her, dawg.
He kisses a few dames; notably Miss Devotion and then sends her back to the planet Demotion. It is thrilling.
This show also has two cohosts. The married couple that is better known as Giuliana Rancic. Her husband serves no purpose.
I guess there’s that.
Speaker7,
Will Tyler Perry be invited on the show?
Le Clown
Le Clown,
The prospect of that happening is the only reason I’m continuing to watch.
Speaker7
How have I not known about this show?
Don’t worry. It’s just been cancelled so you can pretend it never existed at all. I wish I could do the same.
Thank The Little Baby Jesus in His Swaddling Clothes.
Crap… I was so bored I actually watched the show (on demand) 5 minutes before reading this. I’m so ashamed.
Maybe Giuliana was afraid to leave her husband home alone so she only agreed to do the show if he could stand next to her and just, you know, breathe and be human.
That is the only reason for his presence because that’s all he does–basically mouth-breathes next to her.
That last picture brought the LOLZ. I also don’t understand what Bill is doing there other than being a poster boy for veneers.
Veneers are what make this country the greatest country on earth.
I just read that NBC cancelled this mess – I can’t imagine why, your recaps make it seem so riveting.
I saw that too. I think we should all take a moment of silence and think of all the chlamydia that won’t be spread.
Such a waste…
Of course, the hot tub scene. It’s not a true reality show, unless there is a hot tub scene.
That is very true. I think that’s what is lacking in Celebrity Apprentice. No hot tubs.
This show gives a visual to go with the phrase “Cluster fuck”
Agreed. There are far too many a-holes to keep track of, and then you realize you’re trying to keep track of these a-holes and you get very depressed.
Since this steaming pile of hollow is getting yanked, have you considered writing a proposal for a show called “Ready for Zzzzzzzzzzz”? Maybe one of the Big Three S mattress manufacturers — Simmons, Sealy or Serta — would serve as a sponsor?
That is a brilliant idea, and therefore entirely unsuited for network television.
Shoot for cable!
I loved you in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dy-ing.
If only he would show us his patronus.
I love some reality shows. Nevertheless, ur post is sizzling and m tempted to watch it:)
Cheers
Vishal
http://www.vishalbheeroo.wordpress.com
They cancelled an awful show? That’s just so weird. I mean, the Bachelor has been on, what, 14,000 seasons? Speaking of that, I saw Bland with his ONE TWU LUV on the cover of People, so they must be for realz. I think it was Bland. It might have been a piece of dry toast.
It was likely toast or a frozen turd on a shoe. I am just as surprised as you are. How will I go on if I don’t know if those three meatheads are truly ready for love?
I’m sadly bereft of the ability to watch this show (legally) but have loved hearing it second hand! I’m happy to pretend the show is still going if you keep recapping it – it’ll be a fun game – guess where it got cancelled because it now sounds ridiculous… Oh wait.
Let’s try it and see how far we can go with it.
Such a shame! Clearly this show needed less Giuliana Rancic and more handjobs.
More handjobs are the solution to many problems.
Giuliana’s husband is there to field offers from contestants who want to run “vote for me” ads on the billboard space that is her forehead. (meow!)
That makes more sense than my theory.
Do earn a handjob by reading a post about the show….or do I actually have to watch it?
Do we line up? How does this work?
Not that you need more work/pain for yourself, but if you wanted to keep this up:
http://www.deadline.com/2013/04/cancelled-nbc-reality-series-ready-for-love-to-finish-its-run-online-on-vod/
Yes, like Jason in the umpteenth FRIDAY THE 13TH film, it’s ba-aaack…