Desperately Seeking Hugo

Hugo is lonely, guys.

He would never publicly admit this, but he has grown tired of making out with his reflection and longs for the touch of a real woman.

I know this because I found Hugo’s profile on Christian Mingle. He used my email address so now I’m receiving daily Bible verses for which I’m ever so grateful. Today’s: For I am the LORD, I change not (Hugo 3:6).

I am aware of some of my readers’ obsession with Hugo’s denim shirt and eyeybrowless face. Maybe you will be the one to mingle with his Christian dingle, if you get my drift.

Dearest Reader: Speaker7 is attempting to write a post every day in November so she doesn’t have to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). This was the second most popular choice in the what-the-eff-should-I-write-about-in-the-remaining-days poll. Tomorrow it ends. And to celebrate, Speaker7 will make out with Hugo and film it. . . only if she’s drunk enough. 


  1. That profile pic alone was enough – I’m ready to hop into the Hugomobile. I’ll even help with the pedals.

    Please know you can’t joke about making videos like that. Or you will break me.

  2. Perhaps you could do a picture post of you celebrating the end of NaMoBloPo with streamers and paper hats everywhere, as well as millions of empty liquor bottles. Hugo seems better suited to a more pervy site, one where he can say he’s just looking for a “casual” relationship, maybe Plenty of Fish or OK Cupid.

  3. I will try and comment when I start breathing again from laughing so hard and clean up the mess I made from spitting my coffee all over the computer.

  4. So Hugo likes the Teletubbies? Has he been stalking Laa-Laa? I heard she filed a restraining order. I absolutely love the dating survey. Why do I think I’d get a Hugo if I were to step out into the dating world again? Oh, and you should have added that a hobby of his is collecting hair samples.

    I bet Sad Pony would have suitors chomping at the bit for him. Or not.

  5. I wouldn’t say what Le Clown says because I don’t know you like he does — I’ll just say, that I just about cried laughing and ran my mascara right off reading this! You are hilarious, wicked! Yay!

  6. I’m worried about you getting drunk around Hugo, Speaker7. If you pass out, you might wake up all bedazzled and with spaghetti straps!

    1. I’m worried to. We’ve ended up having the best conversations after a few glasses of wine and then it dawns on me…I’m talking to a puppet. That can’t be good.

  7. Hugo is 42? He looks so… so… youthful. I was thinking he was barely legal. Hmmm. It was probably the lack of eyebrows. Works for redheads. (Did I really just write that? Sorry. No offense, ginger-balls. Nuts, did it again. :/ )

  8. My favorite part- Favourite movie: toy story. lol. So funny! The scary pervy sex jokes were of course wonderful too.

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