Is anyone else annoyed that Thansgiving falls smack dab in the middle of Hallowed Black Friday Weeklong Extravaganza Shopping Orgy?
Just like this guy,
I was getting ready to set up my tent outside Walmart this Saturday when my mom calls with: “Thanksgiving will be at 4 p.m. at Aunt Janet’s house. Can you bring a pecan pie?”
I replied as respectfully as I could: “Jesus christ, mom. Are we still fucking doing this shit? Thanksgiving? More like Nothanksgiving.”
There is no way I’m leaving my tent and losing out on a $2 Personalized Snowmen Stick Family Doormat, which clearly shows my love of family togetherness.
I thought we had agreed as a society to retire this lame “thankfulness” nonsense and celebrate what the holidays are truly about–my ability to buy a LEGO® Legend of Chima set at half the price. And if I have to destroy every man, woman and child in the process, so be it.
These people get it:
The stores are doing what they can by opening earlier and earlier and offering too-good-too-pass-up-even-though-my-grandparents-may-not-be-around-much-longer-and-this-is-the-only-time-I-ever-see-my-sister deals. Like this:
So let’s do our part, gentle reader. Let’s kick the stuffing out of Thanksgiving for good.
Speaker7 will be writing the rest of the posts during NaBloWriMo from her tent outside of Walmart.