The View

Keep the Strange

Holy turdballs!

There are times when one is faced with adversity, and one has to summon the strength to overcome it and be the better for it.

This is not one of those times.

Countrysinger Hank Williams Jr. is mad at ESPN and Fox & Friends because they’re turded all over his freedoms such as his freedom to be paid millions in licensing fees for screaming “Are you ready for some football!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” before the weekly Monday Night football snoozefest. His voice’s ouster resulted from his saying on Fox & Assorted Imbeciles that Obama’s golf outing with the orange-hued John Boehner is like Hitler playing golf with an oompa loompa from the 1971 classic film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory:

What’s a millionaire to do except write the worst song in the history of civilization?

I downloaded this song.

My life will never the be the same.

I repeatedly listened to Keep the Change in order to write this blog post. My ears feel violated as if Hitler used them as his golf tees in his friendly game with Netanyahu.

In the first and second verses, Bocefus lists all of the freedoms he will keep such as:

1. his freedom

2. his guns

3. his money

4. his religion

5. his job

6. his smile

7. his Christian name

8. his heroes’ pictures on the wall

9. his family’s safety

10. his freedom to call your bluff

11. his big V8(??)

12. his friends

13. his right to keep the government out of his business

14. his turdishly awful songwriting “ability”

But you know what the rest of y’all can do? Y’all can keep the change.

Oh dear mother of horrible songwriting. It’s just, it’s just soooooo not good. It makes Rebecca Black’s Friday sound like Un bel di from Madame Butterfly.

Now I saw a video on Youtube of Hank singing these same exact words from a venue in 2009 so this feels a bit Candle-in-the-Windesque. But there is a new third verse, which is just killer:

“So ‘Fox and Friends’ / Wanna put me down / Ask for my opinion / Then twist it all around / Supposed to be talking about my father’s new CD / Well two can play that gotcha game, just wait and see / Don’t tread on me”

The chorus is just how the country is now socialist and going down the drain.

You can download the song for free on Hank’s website, which seems a bit socialist if you ask me. It’s like Karl Marx writing a song with Hitler to sing on Socialist American Idol (premiering Jan. 3 on Fox).

Because his freedoms are being stymied, Hank appeared to give his point of view on The Irrelevant Yapping Show. You may also know this as The View.

Hank has one of the flapping heads read from a dictionary. He says the golf game was a bunch of politicians “juking.” He says “Mickey’s a mean mouse” (Disney owns ESPN and The View because corporate control of all media is so freedomy). He likes this Mickey and points to the name Mantle on the back of his Yankees shirt. All the while the flapping heads talk over him. This appearance was very, very strange.

And you know what y’all can do?

Y’all can keep the strange.