So Mr. Speaker7 and I are looking at buying a new house. I say “new,” but it is a house other people previously and currently live in. I remember Teresa Guidice from the Real Housewives of Chemical Taint saying in an episode that buying a used house was gross, and that’s why she was building a new house that became really ungross when it was foreclosed upon by the bank.
This is really an exciting time to be taking on a huge financial investment. Interest rates are historically low, sellers, like Guidice, are desperate to unload houses at a loss–it’s a buyer’s market.
But still it’s always good to make a pro/con list before agreeing to give up three internal organs in your mortgage agreement.
PRO – Public employees, ah yeah!
Mr. Speaker7 and I are public employees, a group of workers that is saluted daily by politicians, tea aficionados, and lighthearted news personalities. Hello, job security!! I remember that teacher parade thrown by Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin where Walker shredded the contract giving bargaining rights and used it as confetti. While we are responsible for the 2008 recession by somehow taking over the bodies of Wall Street traders and bankers and making unsustainable loans and causing giant banks to collapse, we are being rewarded by getting the chance to do more work and make less money or do no work at all.
PRO – Corporate profits are up
If you didn’t know, it’s really good when corporations get out of paying taxes or pay less in taxes because it somehow trickles down to the rest of us. Corporations are the job-creators so when they make huge profits, they create jobs in the form of huge bonuses to their CEOs. And corporate profits are really, really big, like, a CEO could lose a wallet filled with $3 million and not even care that it fell out of his solid-gold coat when he purchased Greece as a vacation home. So that trickle of olive oil is coming any day now…any day now… any day now…wait for it….
PRO – the next POTUS is going to be so awesome
So Barack Obama could win reelection or one of those people who remind me of Garbage Pail Kids could win–either way it’s going to be pretty sweet. Barack Obama says nice stuff about the regular folks, which makes it more palatable when the retirement age is moved to 95 in the next debt ceiling debate. Those other people seem really, really good and they eat corn dogs at the Iowa State Fair all the while making sure regular Americans have the same steady work as that carny operating the Crazy Plane ride.
PRO – the recession is over
I saw that somewhere, maybe on Fox and Friends or Spongebob Squarepants, some person was saying that the recession of 2008 ended sometime, like maybe this past Friday. I don’t know for sure because I was real busy that Friday deciding if I should kick it in the front seat or sit in the back seat–seriously which seat should I take? So the recession is over, put away your cans of Fancy Feast, put another wad of newspaper in the barrel fire and dance around your hobo tent.
CON – moving sucks
That really is just basically it. I would totally buy that house especially with all those pros, but moving just sucks a giant snowball.