procrastination

You Love My Lady Blumps

I’m in a bit of a blog slump.

I’m calling it a “blump.”

As you can tell I have quite a way with. . . um. . .you know, those things? Those things that fall from people’s mouths, but you can’t see them? You hear them. Those things or as I call them. . . um. . . invisible mouth falls. I am an invisible mouth falls-smith.

So the writing isn’t the toaster at all. Quite the contrary, it is quite fishsticks.

The problem is one of motivation.

I am totally crushing it in other facets of my life. For instance, my pizza shop is doing extremely well in Webkinz world.

webkinzking

And just yesterday, I took off the pair of sweatpants I had worn for three consecutive days in a row and put on another pair of sweatpants.

But I’m just feeling, as the French say, ma voiture est jaune.

I am not alone in this malaise. Becky of the unbelievable Becky Says Things blames the polar vortex and Nicki of the amazing Nicki Daniels Interview blames the cabin fever one succumbs to when one lives in the polar vortex.

polarshitshowThey may be on to something.

It might have something to do with this book I’m reading. It’s called The Sixth Extinction and it’s about our role in the extinction of countless species which may ultimately lead to our own extinction. To put it simply: we are fucked. Royally.

I just finished the chapter on frogs. Frogs are the cockroaches of animals. They can live anywhere except for Antarctica because SMART! They have been around longer than dinosaurs. And now they are dying and becoming extinct. Likely when I just typed this sentence, another frog species bit the dust.

So everything is awful and the world is ending, and this might be why I don’t want to write about Lindsay Lohan’s new reality show at OWN. What am I saying? Of course I will be writing about that.

There still is some pffttt happening. And the pffttt could be because some people have gotten a woody in the pants from the polar vortex. As if extreme cold is normal and not something to freak the fuck out about.

rushdickSo there.

Blumpsville.

At least I know how to end a blog post appro

Speaker7’s Writing Process

Someone recently asked me:

Speaker7, how are you able to be so beautiful with that scorching case of herpes on your face?

No, I’m remembering that wrong. I believe someone asked how I went about writing during this scorching herpes infestation known as NaBloWriMo. This reader wondered if I planned ahead or drank until I made Nicholas Cage’s character in Leaving Las Vegas look like a baby chipmunk in comparison.

That is a great question and by no means a straw man I created in order to have something to write about today because jesus christ what else is there? I did just eat Reese Peanut Butter cups for dinner. . . is that something I should write indepth about?

So this is what happens:

I get home from work and realize I have exactly 60 minutes over the course of the next four hours to think of a post, write a post and schedule it

Sometimes I find it helpful just to start typing to get into the “flow.” The “flow” is that sweet spot where the whole world dissolves and the writer is completely caught up in the moment.

It usually doesn’t work for me so I take a break.

I go into a quiet place and think about the big issues affecting our world. I wonder what I have to say about these big issues.

Two minutes later, my son will come into the room and announce that a snail is after him and we have to hide in the dining room curtains for the next 20 minutes.

We will do this for the next hour. Then it’s back to the writing process.

I decide to engage in activities that will stimulate the creative juices. I remember that exercise is key to a healthy mind.

I remember reading how the 18th century poet Friedrich Schiller kept decaying fruit in his writing space because he believed it stimulated his creativity. I do not have fruit apart from a pouch of Halloween Fruit Snacks™ I unearth from my son’s trick-or-treat bag. I realize that grapes are fruit and that wine is made from grapes so I decide to crack a bottle. Now I’m gaining some perspective.

I am in the zone. Things are cooking!

Is it possible that I could get away with another post complaining about the difficulties of writing a post every day? That’s what I’ve been getting away with 99.95% of the time now. Yes, I think my readers will be pleased.

I know! I’ll do some more gifs!

In case you were unaware, Speaker7 is writing a post every day this month as part of Nano Poblano Team. This is her last post with gifs…maybe. Check back tomorrow.