poltergeist

A Pad of Extinction

So Bachelor Pad 3 ended recently.

The winner was this guy:

He is the love child of the weird creepy guy from Poltergeist II.

And fire marshall Bill:

Other stuff led up to this moment, which host Chris Harrison called “The most memorable finale of the most memorable season of the most memorable bachelors created by the most memorable eggs and sperms of the most memorable humans.”

I wanted to see this whole season through so that’s why I’m writing this now. I’d rather be plotting how I’m going to win a blog duel, but here I am.

Bachelor Pad 3 loser Jamie wore this:

Pad fav Michael Stagsomething defended sticking his tongue in some other person’s mouth and not really meaning it. He has a recording of terrible songs you can download on iTunes.

Host Chris Harrison puts Jaclyn on the “hot seat” next. Was it hard to be betrayed by your fake best friend, Chris Harrison propels out of his anus.

Blakely is hot-seated next. She blathers about something, and then brings forward the guy who likes her vagina. His name is Tony. He proposes on national television because why not?

Now the two couples in the finale get their last moment in the sun. Rachel cries at Michael about the former tongue-sticking with no future tongue-sticking in sight. Her partner Nick looks like he enjoys this exchange thoroughly.

Pad douchebag Chris B. says his dad thought Chris acted like a dick on the show, but Chris was just so hurt from his previous attempts at fake love on The Bachelorette.

They lose.

Rachel and Nick win votes from the other cast members. Now they must decide if they will share or keep the $250,000. If one chooses share and the other keep, the latter keeps it all. That’s what Nick does.

I guess they made a deal to split the money, but Nick changed his mind because he is awful. . . like everyone on this show.

So that’s it. It’s over. My herpes has cleared up and I can continue on. I guess I would care more that Nick screwed over Rachel if I actually had the capacity to care. But I don’t. I’ll let Jaclyn feel shock for me.

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