New York

Trump Stump

Oh, bless his little orange, puffy face!

Donald Trump may seek the GOP nomination for govenor of New York.

This is news, people.

In the same way, it was news when Donald Trump declared he was running for president those 4,001,321 times. Or when he fashioned that ridiculous hair mop he wears on his head from wood shavings and a can of KRAFT® Easy Cheese.

The frequent-bankruptcy-filing “billionaire” says he is considering running because he is a paranoid delusional narcissist who believes he farts gold nuggets believes he can win.

donaldnoneckTrump was at some Republican fundraiser on Friday to talk about the dangers of over-tanning prove that a person can still communicate even when it’s clear one’s brain is disconnected from one’s spinal cord.

trumpedhairI’m not a fan of Gov. Andrew Cuomo. I voted for him only because the other guy wanted to convert prisons into “welfare dorms.” Now if Trump seriously gets the nomination, and that is a big bloated if, I will once again be forced to cast a vote for a politician who routinely denigrates my profession as an educator–as if we are all educators at Donald Trump University.

At the $100-per-person event, Trump outlined his platform. He would turn New York into the energy capitol. He has volunteered to act as the state-wide gas bag. He supports hydrofracking and wants to repeal the NY SAFE act, which requires ammunition dealers to do background checks and the creation of registry of assault weapons. It also requires mental health professionals to report credible threats made by a mental health patient.

Trump stated that he himself is licensed to carry a gun.

I wonder if I can find that number to make a report.

More importantly Trump touted his number one issue–how to stay relevant beyond his woman parade pageant and his nonCelebrity Apprentice snoozefest.

trumpissueLike I said before:

News.

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Status update

Not only am I having trouble coming up with a status update on Facebook, but now I have to write a blog post or everyone will think this blog is about welcoming someone to wordpress and suggestions for a first post.

Pressure.

I have “friends” that quote other people like Mr. Belvedere (“What? It’s a graham cracker” — Mr. Belvedere) and put up pictures of roses and trains made up of typographical characters with sayings like keep this train moving unless you hate orphans, and these get so many comments while mine fall flat. I’ll post something like “That plastic surgery person on Real Housewives of Plastic Surgery is pffftt.” and the only person who responds is my mother saying “Why aren’t you watching your child?”

So my next status update better be great or gr8 if you are only used to reading text.

I have narrowed down possible status updates to 10. Here they are in no particular order:

10. LOL. FML 🙂

9. Herpes?!? Next time I’ll have it delivered! LMAO

8. Speaker7 is contemplating whether to have a grilled cheese on wheat or rye.

7. the scourge is upon us. every man for himself

6. OMG!! I just ate part of Justin Beiber’s face!! Squee!!

5. Speaker7 has tickled more of Elmo then Elmo would like

4. Speaker 7 just left for va-ca and now remembers she left the door unlocked at 27 Grant St.

3. Speaker 7 has discovered organic peanut butter and would now like to undiscover it

2. Speaker 7 would be submissive to Michele Bachman

1. Speaker 7 is quite the multi-tasker. She can breathe, have her heart beat and eliminate waste all at the same time.

Quinnipiac University will be conducting a poll of rural and urban NY residents to see which is the favorite. It will be conducted much in the same manner as its recent hydrofracking survey, which had questions like: Do you support hydrofracking or do you spend most of your time hating America?

The results will be posted post haste, FML.