New World Order

The times they are a-changin’ as Kevin Dillon sang on Entourage. As much as we try to cling to the past, we must sometimes set something we love free and then drink ourselves blind until we pass out in a gutter.

That is why I have said goodbye to I chose that blog address when I was a wee lass of 3- back in August, and felt that I had so much rambling rumblings to give to the world. Six seconds after I chose that name and purchased the upgrade to get rid of the wordpress part, I realized I fucking hated that blog name. You don’t ramble or rumble. Who do you think you are? Some banjo player on Prairie Home Companion? I thought angrily to myself, It would be more appropriate to call this the, you stupid jerk. . . awww, I didn’t mean it. Don’t turn away from me, you know I get mean when I drink mimosas.  I removed the sock puppet I use when I talk to myself and decided to live with the stoopid name.

Until today.

Today I was thinking how much I hate how my blog looks and hate how it talks back to me, and then storms out of the house dressed like a hussy. I wanted to make a change–for once in my life. Gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference, gonna make it right. (Too soon?)

So I figured out how to change my address, and incidentally figured out how to finally get rid of the wordpress in for a blissful 10 minutes. Best $25 I ever spent!

This blog will now be known as This is nearly as exciting as when Madonna renamed herself BulgingArmMonster or when the WB network changed its name to something I can’t remember.

I’ll take some questions.

From what I can gather no one cares. 

Is that a question?



Will having Howard Stern as a host on X-Factor make it watchable?


Which Sex and the City character are you most like?

Howard Stern.

How do I unsubscribe?

Hit the Like button and write “This is the most awesome blog in the universe” and share with 400 friends.

I see you added some drawings to the masthead. 

Yes. Thanks for noticing. Most of these comments have been off the mark.

Well my question is did your toddler son draw them? And if yes, does he have a developmental disability when it comes to drawing? 

I think we’ll stop the questions for now.

Welcome to the future everyone. For your viewing pleasure:

Also contains my dreams, youth and Oscar the Grouch.

News You Can Lose

It will be hard to sleep tonight. I had been watching back-to-back episodes of Top Chef–Just Desserts while my 18-month-old son stuck metal objects into electrical sockets, but turned the channel when The Rachel Blows pfftttt came on, and so I serendipitously caught the beginning of Access Hollywood Extra In Touch Newspalooza.

Access Hollywood Extra In Touch Newspalooza had a sneak peek into an exclusive interview between Matt Lauer and Brad Pitt. What a scoop! How did an NBC-based entertainment evening news show ever land a video clip from an NBC-based entertainment morning news show? I don’t think we’ll ever know, but my hat is off to you, sir Billy Bush, the future 47th president of the United States.

Brad Pitt is at the center of controversy because he told Parade magazine that his former wife Jennifer Aniston was dullsville. I was most surprised that Parade still existed. Matt Lauer was going to get to the bottom of this controversy while wearing dark sunglasses.

Brad, if we can get to more serious seriously cool do I look right now? Scale of 1 to 10.

“Wow, man, doesn’t it just suck that you can’t say kind of a dickhead thing without being interviewed by a ton of media just before your new movie is released?” Matt asked.

“I’m handsome,” Brad Pitt replied.

And we will have to wait until tomorrow’s Today show to hear the rest, and as I said in the beginning of this post it will be hard to go to sleep.

Here is what else I learned from Access Hollywood Extra In Touch Newspalooza:

  • Billy Bush wondered who Jennifer Aniston voted for on Dancing with the “Stars” since she attended high school with Chaz Bono, but is best friends with the former Mrs. David Arquette. Or did she do something boring, like not watch the show.
  • X Factor premieres and it is so unlike Simon Cowell’s previous show American Idol according to a magazine writer. There are many, many differences such as zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. “It’s going to be fun,” lies the writer.
  • Madonna’s 14-year-old daughter has her own clothing line. What a surprising accomplishment. She must be very talented.
  • Billy Bush is surprised by the number of Spice babies.
  • Alex Trebek clarifies his naked robbery. It’s still unsettling.
  • Some tarted-up toddler says “I’m a little Southern girl, but no not snooty” and we will spend a day in her life….aw shit, it’s on tomorrow’s Access Hollywood Extra In Touch Newspalooza
  • Mel B., mother of a new Spice baby, will lose the baby weight by “sexercise and exercise.” I will cut her some slack since she just had a baby and that could be why she’s talking like a crazy person.

Good night, and good luck.