face numbness

Easter, Flag Day Sexier Than Thanksgiving

Well shit.

Here I was. All excited for my four-day Thanksgiving holiday, and come to find out that Thanksgiving is NOT a sexy holiday.

Horn of plenty? More like horn of wah-wah.

It’s true.

It’s true because I read it in Glamour magazine. Not only do I have 60 fun nail polish ideas to try this week (Must remember to stock up on nail polish remover), but I will have to do my sexy at some other holiday because scientifically,  Thanksgiving is a cold turkey.

Why so unsexy, Thanksgiving?

Because someone had a deadline to fill and someone else said “Just write something about Thanksgiving and put sex in it. Can’t you see I’m doing my nails? Fuck, I have 54 other combinations to try out. Get out of my office!”

Was I suppose to really read the article?

Cheezus cripes, okay, okay I’ll read it.

My face feels numb.

So there are 28 reasons, and I read them all. And in between my reading, I changed my nail polish 4 times.

It basically comes down to this:

Your genitals stay covered up because your Aunt Sylvia would be like “Um….why am I seeing your pubic hair” and turkey skin is all goosebumpily.

It’s not like Easter with the eggs and sperm and bunnies copulating like…well bunnies. Or Flag Day with those flags on those poles, waving their patriotism in people’s faces.

So, sorry America. You will have to celebrate your Thanksgiving in a sexless fashion, which I think kinda works since it commemorates the pilgrims and stuff and they were way uptight.

Don’t fret because Dec. 8 is Take It In the Ear Day. And that sounds sexy as shit.

Dearest Reader: Speaker7 is attempting to write a post every day in November so she doesn’t have to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). This is getting in her way of her Take It In the Ear Day celebration, but she soldiers on because she loves you.