The Internet is neat with its social networking (stalking) capabilities, series of tubes, weblogs (aka blogs), emoticons, Nigerian princes.
It has this:
But the ability to access information about virtually anything does have its downsides…especially if you are a hypochondriac who frequently enters symptoms into a Google search engine. The results are never fun. . . cancer . . . Lyme disease. . . chronic wasting disease. . . restless leg syndrome.
I am one of these persons who enters symptoms into a Google search engine. I did it today. I have this weird rash on the inside of my elbow. It looks like this:
I think it’s a rash from a bug bite…or cellulitis. . . or cancer. It’s cellulitis, I know it’s cellulitis or possibly the ebola virus. . . it’s cellulitis. For those who don’t frequently enter symptoms into a Google search engine and peruse medical websites, cellulitis is a common, potentially serious bacterial skin infection. It can $%@!*^#! turn into flesh-eating strep. Thanks Mayo Clinic.
How do you know you have it? The rash is red. Okay, is it tender or warm? No. Well then it’s probably not cellulitis. Wait–it feels warm now. Why are you rubbing at it? I was just seeing if it was warm and now it is. It feels really tender too. That’s probably because you can’t seem to stop touching it. You don’t have a fever, right? No. Okay, and it’s not painful to touch? No. Okay, well it’s probably just a rash from a bug—I’m feeling kind of feverish now. Ow. Ow..okay this hurts now. That’s because you’re pinching the skin. I would stop that. Ow…I need to lie down. That’s good, that’s good. That gets you away from the laptop. Wait–I need to check one thing. *furiously types* it’s not cellulitis. Oh good, I was really worried you were going off the deep—it’s Lyme Disease. I have Lyme Disease. How did you come to that conclusion? It’s red.
And on it goes until I’ve diagnosed myself with mesothelioma, a lung disease one gets from exposure to asbestos.
I probably have cellulitis. My arm feels like it’s on fire..or kinda warm. It feels warmish and a little itchy…actually mostly itchy…like a bug bite.
It’s probably from a tsetse fly.
Since I’m clearly dying, I’m going to bequeath a few things:
to It Happens Every Day: my drawings of the Most Eligible: Dallas horse (there’s more than one!!)
to Not Quite Old: I pass the responsibility of blogging about the 2012 presidential election. I promise it will be awesome.
to The Happy Logophile: my collection of Stephanie Meyer memorabilia. You will need an extra room
to Kim Pugliano: my Bachelor Pad Kasey to English dictionary.
I feel better now….well my arm is kinda tender.