camping

I’m Thankful For Shopping Orgy

Is anyone else annoyed that Thansgiving falls smack dab in the middle of Hallowed Black Friday Weeklong Extravaganza Shopping Orgy?

Just like this guy,

blackfridayorgy

From USA Today – this guy set up his tent on 11/19.

I was getting ready to set up my tent outside Walmart this Saturday when my mom calls with: “Thanksgiving will be at 4 p.m. at Aunt Janet’s house. Can you bring a pecan pie?”

I replied as respectfully as I could:  “Jesus christ, mom. Are we still fucking doing this shit? Thanksgiving? More like Nothanksgiving.”

There is no way I’m leaving my tent and losing out on a $2 Personalized Snowmen Stick Family Doormat, which clearly shows my love of family togetherness.

doormat

I thought we had agreed as a society to retire this lame “thankfulness” nonsense and celebrate what the holidays are truly about–my ability to buy a LEGO® Legend of Chima set at half the price. And if I have to destroy every man, woman and child in the process, so be it.

These people get it:

blackfrihappinessThe stores are doing what they can by opening earlier and earlier and offering too-good-too-pass-up-even-though-my-grandparents-may-not-be-around-much-longer-and-this-is-the-only-time-I-ever-see-my-sister deals. Like this:

Hepatitis optional.

Hepatitis optional.

So let’s do our part, gentle reader. Let’s kick the stuffing out of Thanksgiving for good.

Speaker7 will be writing the rest of the posts during NaBloWriMo from her tent outside of Walmart.