What Will Speaker7 Write Next?!?

Fuck, guys.

Did you realize there are only three blog posts left in NaBloWriMo?

You’re likely on pins and needles wondering what subject I’m going to conquer next.

You and me both, brother. Seriously, I don’t know what the fartnozzle I’m going to write about. Hm…fart nozzles? Is that a thing?

I imagine there will be some faux thankful post about me being thankful for nonsense.

kimyebound3Or maybe a round-up of the best stuff I got or best injuries I inflicted on others on Black Friday’s Eve.

solarcrystalmemorialstakeOr maybe some kind short filler post because–hey look, a poll!


  1. I voted for paleo diets because I’m still not sure what those are and I would like for you to explain them to me. (I also wasn’t really familiar with 50 Shades of Gray until you came into my life, so I guess I know where this is going.)

    1. I just looked up Paleo Diet. Check it out: “the Paleo Diet, the world’s healthiest diet – is based upon eating wholesome, contemporary foods from the food groups that our hunter-gatherer ancestors would have thrived on during the Paleolithic era, or Stone Age.” Get some of your 5,000+ followers to stuff Speaker7’s ballot box!

  2. I sat here for no small amount of time debating fart nozzles v. assless chaps. I am gravely disappointed assless chaps is not in the lead. (And having a very hard time not bringing Hugo into this comment.)

    1. It’s currently tied for second place. You know you could vote multiple times to bring assless chaps to the forefront. Hugo will thank you for it because he can wear the shit out of them.

  3. Hooray for fartnozzles! And for that parody of the fartiest nozzle in history, Kanye! I watched that video no less than three times this morning, I just can’t get enough of Seth Rogen’s shoulder hair.

  4. Write about the fact that vampires and werewolves who follow the paleo diet are fartnozzles, even if they wear assless chaps! Problem solved.

    Wait, are the vampire and werewolf diets both paleo by nature anyway? Since it’s basically all red meat and blood. Weres are like the hardcore paleo h8rs who insist they are the awesomest raw-boned specimens of maleness because they HUNT & KILL, while vampires are like those dudes who act all self-righteous because they juice-cleanse as a way of life.

    Literary gold!

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