First Lady Speaker7’s Initiative

As you may remember, my husband recently won a seat on our legislative body.

This makes me the First Lady-elect of my town.

It has already affected me in many ways. For instance now I’m slightly embarrassed when I’m approached by a constituent in the supermarket and I’m wearing sweatpants covered in dinner stains and cannot remember the last time I ran a brush through my hair. I figure I can correct this with a strand of pearls or a pillbox hat.

I also am aware I need to champion a cause. Michelle Obama has Let’s Move, a campaign designed to improve our health. Laura Bush started the National Book Festival to promote literacy. Nancy Reagan just said no a lot about something…I think fried eggs?…the 80s are very cloudy.

I have to keep in mind that for the most part I prefer little to no social interaction and I lose interest quickly if presented with something shiny like a pinwheel so I need to pick something that will not take a lot of effort.

So my cause is to eradicate certain expressions from the English language. . . just sayin’.

Speaker7’s Let’s Never Use These Words Again First Lady Initiative:

1. Just Sayin’.

As in: I just said this. . .  just sayin’. Ooh…thanks for clearing up that you were just saying something. I wasn’t quite sure what was happening when your mouth was moving and the sound was coming out. I thought that you were about to birth the next Athena from your forehead, but you were talking?

Here’s the thing, I know that you just said something because you fucking just said something.

2. YOLO

In a way I’m grateful that I only live once so I don’t have to go through another lifetime hearing this fucking phrase. This is just a way for people to excuse their idiocy.

yolo

3. I’m not a racist but. . .

Invariably something racist ALWAYS follows the expression “I’m not racist but. . .” All this qualifier does is broadcast that something pretty racist and terrible is coming soon. For example “I’m not racist, but yogurt is my favorite food.” And now I can’t eat yogurt anymore because you’ve just made it racist.

Same thing for “I’m not sexist but. . .”

4. No offense

This expression is used when you absolutely do mean to offend someone, but want the appearance of politeness. For example “No offense, but I think you and all your family members including your ancestors and future descendants are pieces of shit” seems far more polite than “You’re a piece of shit,” but no less offensive.

5. Totes

Really? I could get it if “totally” had the same number of syllables as supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, but it’s just two more measly syllables. I could see if you had just stuck your tongue to a frozen pole during a YOLO moment and it hurts to talk, but otherwise just say the whole word please or else I will totes punch you in the face.

6. Donald Trump

I feel with great certainty that if we stop saying his name, he will go away. Like a dung beetle drawn to a fragrant cowpie, The Donald is drawn to the media limelight. Or we can call him Donald Dump because that amuses me.

donalddumpWhat words or expressions do you hate?

Speaker7 is totes writing a daily post during this month as a member of Nano Poblano because you only live once. . .just sayin’. Get ready for First Half-Man Puppet Hugo’s Initiative.

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61 comments

  1. ‘In my opinion’ or the even more idiotic ‘In my humble opinion’ bothers me because unless you attribute the opinion you just expressed or are about to express to another person, I think I’ll be able to ascertain that it was indeed your opinion and if you were truly humble, you might just keep your opinion to yourself.

    1. I will let you know as soon as this is successful. In the meantime, couldn’t you put a bowl of crack over some manhole and then when he goes for it, he’ll fall into the sewers? I’ve seen that on bugs bunny before.

    1. Why do people like irregardless so much. “Regardless” takes up less time, and we’re all so busy now with our cell phones, screens and zombie transformations. It’s a no-brainer…another expression I hate.

  2. In my humble opinion, Dump boy and the mayor of Toronto should yolo to a small abandoned island in the Pacific. No offence and I’m totes not a racist but orange people shouldn’t hang out with the rest of us. Just sayin’. 😉

    1. You are right, there are so many wonderful words like “douchenozzle” and “doucheface”…I really applaud any word that is combined with “douche”…”douchehat” is pretty good.

  3. As someone famous once said, America and Britain (aka England) are two nations separated by a common language – and this post proves the point. I have never heard of YOLO and haven’t a clue what it means, And the expression “just sayin'” is not used in the UK, likewise ‘Donald Trump’ …I thought he was just a joke person. ‘Totes’ and ‘no offence’ are also particular to the US. The expression that (sadly) is used both sides of the pond is “I’m not racist…” which as you say is usually followed by a horridly racist statement.

    1. That’s so “beautiful.” The idea that people couch their racism behind that qualifier is something that transcends borders. There must be other British terms that you hate. I will add them to my list because I am pretty powerful now.

  4. don’t want to be racist or sexist, but in my utmost humble opinion (Dickens enough for you, 1pointperspective?) I am just sayin’,
    I never want to read these words again:
    Let’s Never Use These Words Again 😉

  5. Yes! I’ve been awaiting this post. You have picked a noble platform, First Lady-Elect. May I add “cray-cray” to the list? (Even though I totes said it yesterday in an effort to fit in with my twenty-something friend.)

  6. Yikes. ‘Just sayin’ is one of mine. Guilty as charged. Okay, out it goes, then. Thank you for showing me the harsh, white light of truth, Madame Speaker.

    Years ago, R&B singer Toni Braxton was starring on Broadway in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. My wife’s aunt, who is a racist pig, said, “I don’t think Beauty should be black.” “Oh…why is that?” I asked. “mumble-mubmle-mumble…I don’t know. She just shouldn’t.”

    Can we get rid of AMAAAZING? Please? If everything is AMAAAZING, then nothing is AMAAAZING.

    @rachelocal: What’s cray-cray? What does that mean? To my knowledge, it hasn’t wormed its way into the NY/NY/CT tri-state area.

    1. Yikes! I know these people exist in the world, it’s just hard to listen to anyone’s encounters with them. I also “enjoy” when people whisper the word for the group they hate like “The guy was…you know.. (super whisper) black.”

      Cray-cray stands for crazy.

  7. No problem. I have a problem that these two words have replaced “you’re welcome”. Who decided that common courtesy is a problem — your friend, The Donald? I also think that “awesome” has been overused into oblivion and it’s primarily in reference to what is at most, semi-flaccid. Lastly, LOL — if this means Laughing Out Loud, Loads Of Love or Large On Lard, I cheer the day it goes away, but I fear it’s here to stay. Social media and texting has steam rolled the written word to access my peeves about the decline of language.

    If Mr, Speaker7 had lost I imagine the sound effect would have been this one:

    http://soundbible.com/690-Bronx-Cheer.html

  8. Okay I’ll stop saying, “just sayin’.” Sigh. Mine is supposably. Drives me up the wall. It’s not a word!!! You’re on the right track to saving the world – hooray!

  9. My mom always says, “isn’t that just awful?” As in: “I slept in until 9 today. Isn’t that just awful?” or “I didn’t feel like cleaning the oven and I watched tv instead. Isn’t that just awful?” Yesterday she used the phrase three times within twenty minutes. I told her she was human and to get over it.
    Also, it gets under my skin when people say, “I could care less.” So, you do care then?
    Trivial things, but they irritate me.

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