I lack knowledge in certain areas.
For instance, I’m 98 percent certain that I am not wearing the right bra size.
I think I was fitted for a bra at one point, but I lack any memory of it. It’s possible I had a stroke during the experience because at 13, everything was mortifying.
Speaker7 would you like more brocolli?
Oh my god, mom!! You’re totally embarrassing me right now!!!!
I think I wore the right bra size the majority of my developed-breast life because I never thought much about it.
But now? Shit seems wrong.
I’ve never been a big woman. My bra size was near the beginning of the alphabet, and I had to rely on my wit and Cher impression to attract men.
My breasts went through a bit of change when I was creating that human in my womb three-plus years ago. One of them got comically bigger than the other during the whole mom-is-cow phase. The bigger one was like a factory farm. The other was like “pffftttt….what’s on TV?”
They both deflated down to what I thought was my normal size when my son began to use his few teeth and I decided the bottle was best.
But all my old bras feel like torture devices.
I tried the “genie bra” but stuck that back into the bottle.
I thought I had some kind of hernia. I would struggle up into a sitting position and feel like I had hooked my rib cage onto some barbed wire.
I told my doctor about this and he diagnosed me with a bum gall bladder.
Turned out he was right, but even sans gall bladder I still get this weird rib sensation that makes me feel like I consumed a McRib. It becomes allievated once I remove my over-the-shoulder-flabby-pebble holder.
I feel at 40, I should be able to get a handle on this situation. I mean, I barely comb my hair anymore when I go out in public…yet dealing with my breasts make me revert to my awkward braces-on-teeth 13-year-old self.
Maybe I need to remove another organ?
Speaker7 is wearing a bra while she writes a post every day as part of the Nano Poblano Team. The bra is pretty uncomfortable.