Donald Trump is the news again because. . . um . . . there have been no shark attacks? I’m not sure why.
ABC scored the interview after a bull shark from Discovery Channel’s Shark Week had to cancel.
Trump is our generation’s P.T. Barnum, if P.T. Barnum was a raging hemorrhoid covered in silly string.
Here’s what happened: A moistened hole opened in that giant orange face and spewed out something. What he said was a mystery because I had the interview on mute. I just got over a debilitating case of diarrhea; I didn’t need a relapse.
I can only imagine the important news Trump imparted:
And perhaps the biggest surprise of all: