Mother’s Day is quickly approaching.
Before you resort to yanking a handful of dandelions out of the yard and purchasing this card:
consider taking Mom here:
Hooter’s is offering moms a free meal on Mother’s Day as long as they bring proof of their mommyhood like a child or a photograph of their stretched out uteri, which will then be placed on the Hooter’s Loves Your Cooter bulletin board.
Apparently Hooter’s is having trouble attracting a female client base. Hm. That’s puzzling. Maybe ladies aren’t into the oversexualization and objectification of the Hooter’s girls or the rape den-like atmosphere?
But a free meal!?! Well then get me a white T-shirt, spray me with a hose and let me wrestle in jello because I am so there, buddy. With my child too!
Let marketing wizard Dave Henniger explain: “We know you don’t think of Hooters as a typical place to take Mom, but we want to make it more appealing for Mom to come in. We view Mom as a pair of tits with legs too.”
“And we have salad, ladies, so you don’t get all fat on us!”
Happy Mother’s Day, everyone.
Speaker7 
A meal at Hooters might not be so bad. It would remind my wife that our two daughters both have jobs where they keep their boobs covered and don’t have to wear orange hot pants with tights. Plus, I hear they have fried pickles on the menu.
Hm. I might be willing to overlook the creepy vibe for some fried pickles.
I’ve only been to Hooters once, and it was truly a sad place. The fried pickle chips weren’t all that tasty, just kind of bizarre. FYI: amateur psychologists agree that Hooters fried pickles are served in slices rather than in full pickle form to keep from making regular customers feel inferior.
I’ve since discovered a much more pleasant restaurant which serves excellent fried pickles. I’ll be glad to divulge its name and location if you have the hankering.
I’ve walked by a Hooters in the mall. It was dark and strip-club-like. It had horrible country music blaring from its speakers and all I could think was: “America.”
The fried pickles are worth it.
1Point,
And I never read this.
Le Clown
Wow! That’s fantastic! I had no idea they had a free meal. I’m checking the closet for some spandex and push up bras this very moment!
Make sure the spandex has “juicy” on the ass. You want to keep it classy.
In sequins.
I’ll take the heart-felt card and pass on the Hooter’s package behind curtain #1, Bob…
Wise choice.
Uteri? I always thought it was ‘uteruseses’.
And they view Mom as a pair of tits with legs too? How about a mom with a pair of tits that hang down to her legs? I certainly hope they won’t discriminate against moms with droopy boobs….I want my free meal.
“Give me your tired, your drooping, your yearning to strain free of bras” – that is the sign outside of all Hooters.
Hooters is welcoming to all shapes and sizes. It’s a boob-banza.
Well, if there’s anything my boobs are, it’s their yearning to strain free of bras.
speaker7,
I hope you made that up. Take mom to Hooters? On the flip side my mom would probably insist on going to a restaurant that glorified big willie and the twins if it existed. She would.
Wait, did I see cake?
Mmmm, cake.
Red
Red,
I wish I could make up something that clever, but it is all for realz–as realz as the boobs one sees squashed inside child-sized tank tops at Hooters. We are lost.
Speaker7
Crap, how embarrassing.
My mom would think that Hooters is an owl-themed restaurant, so she’d be good to go.
Then by all means be a dutiful child and take her there.
Everyone says that the wings are good…but whatever. The thing I like is they give you cheese dip (like nacho cheese) to go with you curly fries. That’s great…along with the fried pickles.
I think a special treat–for mom’s day obvs.–would be to provide a vat of cheese dip so the moms could wrestle in it.
Mmmmm…cheese dip.
I’ll be there!
You, along with the ghosts of Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony.
Exactly.
Where do you get those cards???
I believe Hallmark makes them. It’s part of its “Fuck, it’s this fucking holiday again?!?” collection.
🙂
Hahahaha this was hilarious!
Really, Hooters? Moms? I think instead they should spend their advertising money on making their food non poisonous.
And then they could run ads like “Come to Hooters! Our food sucks less than it used to!”
I am sooooo getting my tits and tush there. Think it’s OK if I sit in the cake? Somehow I bet it would be. And yes, I did say SIT. No extra letters.
I think Hooter’s allows you to do pretty much anything with your tush while dining there.
I love this. I’d go for a free meal..but only if my waitress put the dip between her tits and knelt down beside me while I ate.
I believe that’s customary.
Woohoo! 😉
Oooh!! Free lap dances for dessert?! Oops…sorry…wrong place.
That’s only offered on Grandparent’s Day.
I have always wanted to go to a Hooters. The closest I ever got was at West Edmonton Mall in Alberta. It was the last day of a long work week and everyone was rushing around trying to get souvenirs to bring back to Toronto. There was only one other woman in the group and we were wandering together when I spotted the Hooters. I almost had her convinced that we should have our lunch there when our male colleagues joined us and vetoed the choice. We went to a different place. My fellow companion excused herself to use the ladies. When she came back to the table she handed me a bag with Hooters on the outside. She had run back to the Hooters and bought me a hat. We had great fun embarrassing the guys while I modeled my new hat. The best part was that the woman was older than me and the head of HR. I saw her in a whole different light.
I don’t think a free meal would have changed this story because we were eating on the company dime anyway.
Hooter’s does have a bit of an exotic-zoo vibe to it. I can see why you would be interested in visiting there.
C has already planned us a lovely family outing to the local strip club tomorrow! I am totes excited. I’m gonna get me a mimosa!
Aw! That is super sweet. Make sure to get little C to make it rain for mommy.
I’ve only been to Hooter’s once and it was back in the early 80’s at the original Hooter’s in Clearwater, Florida, before it became a big chain restaurant, on a first date with a guy. The only thing I remember was that he drove a ’72 Jaguar XKE convertible, British racing green!
What a great spot for a first date. I’m surprised you didn’t marry him right there.
Oh, joy! Just what I wanted. I’ll have my husband take me to Hooters for Mother’s Day but only if I get to take him to Weiners for Father’s Day. The food is served to you by Chippendale’s dancers with very tight hotpants and great big . . . smiles.
Perfect! Hopefully Ian Ziering, of the famous 90210 mullet, will be dancing at Weiners at that time.
I never thought of going to Hooter’s for Mother’s Day. Although Mr. Weebles and I go there for Valentine’s Day because it’s the least romantic place we could think of.
I think Hooter’s would be suitable if you really disliked your mother and wanted to reveal that little nugget on Mother’s Day.
That’s a really good way to show your appreciation for your mother: “See, Mom, how much I appreciate you? I bring you to this sleazy place to treat you to a meal that will cost me nothing!”
It’s the thought that counts, right?
Theoretically yes, but I don’t think male customers would be really thinking about their mothers much while at Hooters.
I’m a non-breeder and my mother, who I loved very much, bought her rainbow in 1999. Speaking for both of us, I can say with authority that we’re both better off not qualifying for Hooter’s free foodstuffs.
I would concur. The women who choose not to patron Hooter’s today are the real winners.
I’ll take Hooters over a room full of screaming kids and resentful BRUNCH diners ANY DAY!! Nice one Speaker7. My hooters applaud you.
Thank you. I think the ability to have your hooters applaud could get you a job at Hooter’s in a heartbeat.
My uterus turned black and was taken over by maggots upon reading “rape den.”
Do you have Hot Dog on a Stick where you live? How anyone eats THERE is beyond me. Their uniforms are beyond degrading, especially considering their stands are in the middle of malls. Of course, they serve deep fried cheese on a stick. If Hooters served that, I’d eat there too.
Agh!!! I’m so excited you posted this!!! I have to turn by a Hooter’s every day to get into my neighborhood. About a week before Mother’s day, I saw, “Moms eat free this Sunday,” up on their sign. All I could think was what a double whammy of shitty that would be: “Hey mom, not only am I “celebrating” you with a meal at Hooter’s instead of a nice brunch… I also scored ’cause I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!”
Not that expense = love, but Jeebus H. Hooters, Batman.
Please let me know if they offer something similar on Grandparent’s Day. I want to do something special for grandma this year.
Lucky lady!!