Shameless7 Speaker7 Plug7

I have a new post up at The Official How To Blog, which is the most official how to blog on the Internet.


You can read it here.

Aw…don’t cry…sshhh…sshhh…it’s okay. I’m still going to be Speaker7. In fact, I plan to watch the ladies from The Bachelor vocal fry at one another while I bury a corkscrew into my temple, and recrap it all for you tomorrow. It will be…um…

Is pfftttt the right word? Possibly.

This new venture o’ mine is a chance to impart knowledge–albeit possibly bad knowledge–to the world. And if you have a little whatsit whatsit to share, consider writing for The Official How To Blog. You can put it on your resume and people will be like “Shit. This person is, like, super official and shit.”

There might even be an “I blogged for The Official How To Blog and All I Got Was This Stupid Piece of Shit Badge” badge. It will be…um…

Is pfftttt the right word?


  1. OOOOH! I want to impart my knowledge, too! I am a wealth of information. I know exactly how many times a blogger can mention their kids’ poop without losing all their followers.

      1. I write about crap and poop but never shit. Not because I’m opposed to shit. It’s just not the right fit for the crap I write about.

    1. I just assume that all my readers want to hear about poop. Fellow parents will be able to nod their heads in recognition/sympathy and non-parents will assume that because I deal with poop I am miserable, and that makes them happy.

    1. Alice,
      Would you be interested in writing a how to post about butt plugs? Or how to read 50 shades without removing one’s brain? Let me know.

  2. AAAAAAAAAAAAAwwwwesome. I wanna share my knowledge too! On… on… how to be a pain the ass maybe? How to figure out whether you’re an incurable Extrovert? Uhmm… how to be foreigner in London?

    I would only do it for the badge, though.

  3. I have so much knowledge, so much to give. I know how to flip the bird with my long monkey toes? I know how to make a peanut butter sandwich? I know how to get cat vomit out of white rugs?

    Let me know how I can help.

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