NaBloWriMo Coming to a Clo

Sweet Jesus on a Pringle! The end of November is near and soon endeth my indenture servitude to the 30-post-a-day blog challenge.

Three posts remain. What will they be about?

Seriously, I’m asking you, what will they be about?

That’s right, the last three posts will be chosen by you, the reader!

I was toying around with some ideas:

  • Pecan Sandies – Who the fuck eats these?
  • Peopleย Magazine wraps up the top stories of 2012 even though there’s still more than a month left to the year
  • My best spam emails
  • Gigantic greeting cards
  • What Hugo is looking for in a woman and/or puppet
  • The best Speaker7 post you never read from the time she had 9 followers
  • something about that thing

As you can see, I’m struggling. That’s where you come in.

You will vote for the post you would like to read.

Full disclosure: I do not want to write about pecan sandies. I really don’t know why anyone eats them. At my former workplace, we would take turns buying treats for the office, and my boss would buy these, and it was the equivalent of giving a kid Mary Janes for Halloween. And that’s pretty much all I have to say on the matter.

If you vote for other that means you want to read something other than the shit ideas I’ve been toying with. Leave your suggestions in the comments, please.

And so the endeth begineth.


  1. I really like the surprise of what you are going to write about. But, I do think the People magazine thing would be hilarious. Just thinking about People and what you could say about it already has me laughing. Are you sure you don’t want to keep posting everyday? ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. I leafed through People’s sexiest men edition yesterday and recognized about .03% of the entries. I believe the end of the year stories will be a similar scenario.

      1. Tell me Hugo was in there. He MUST be. Also I’m afraid Christian Grey will be in there, even if he doesn’t exist, even in puppet form. Crazed women will form him from the dust of their vaginas.

  2. If you could go back to the beginning of your blog, in how many ways could you tell yourself NO, NO, NOOOO!!!
    (I’m kidding, your funny and good and all that smoke blowing shiz.)

    Maybe, go to your record collection, find some ‘beginning’ – count 17 albums in. Choose song 3. Now re-write it as if you were: A goat, Barrack Obama, trapped in a bag of Pecan Sandies and crying for help.

      1. I’m glad. My other suggestion was going to be – To become the most famous Speaker7, how did you kill Speaker1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6, and how did you dispose of the bodies!

  3. I would have voted, but I’m gluttonous and want to pick 3. Hugo’s interest in a woman/sock puppet, the post never read from when you had 9 followers, and ravinj’s idea above. I don’t know your blog well enough yet to be creative for you.

  4. & not to be a biznitch, but I think you have 4 days unless you are counting this post about what you will post about truly a post. If so consider me a biznitch. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Well, I voted “other” and I’m going to get shouted down here…
    First: Let me be among the 50th to commend you on sticking with the NoMoJoeBlowEe-I-Ee-I-Oh” for a month. Well Done Speaker. T’aint easy to write that much, that quickly and keep it relevant and funny. I know because I am an expert on irrelevance.

    Second: Why not do a piece on 10 of the blogs you follow. Or do two pieces on 5 each. Choose them at random so the blogs you are following don’t get all butthurt. I don’t have to worry here as you aren’t following me. sniff.

  6. I kinda want to know what Hugo gets up to when the lights go out in the house. What does he do with his nights (other than plan for world domination, which we can probably all imagine)? Does he wear leg warmers (oh shit, the man’s got no legs. My bad)? Does he do head-spins ala Jabbawokeez? Does he cook– gasp– Pecan Sandies (which are good, Speaker. Don’t know why you be hatin’)?

    1. I don’t think I want to know what he does. There have been too many times, I’ve woken up to him staring at me, and he was left downstairs in the kitchen. Please explain how pecan sandies are good.

      1. I can’t explain it. Maybe it’s the milk. Maybe it’s just that they were better when I was a kid (because they tasted better than whatever my mom was trying to cook in the microwave) and, like all childhood confectionary loves, they actually taste like turd. I wouldn’t really know because I don’t remember ever buying a package.

        Regarding Hugo: I figured as much. He is spoo-oo-ooky. I feel paranoid if I even look into his eyes in a picture. I just hope I have been undercover enough that he doesn’t find me… or do I need to worry about him climbing out of my webcam?

  7. I’m torn. On the one hand, I don’t want you to have to go to anymore trouble by writing another post. On the other hand, there are so many things I want to know. I want to know what Hugo looks for in a woman/puppet, obviously, because I need to start shopping. I also really, really want to know what happened to the other 6 Speakers. Pecan sandies are fine if there’s absolutely nothing else in the house to eat, but then why would you have them in the house in the first place. I would also like to know, if you were an ice cream flavor, what kind would you be. But that’s really more of a question than a blog post suggestion.

      1. That would have been awesome and if I ever see it, I will write a post about it and inform you IMMEDIATELY. Though you could nibble away at a Pringle until it’s Jesus-shaped. It’ll take a lot of skill though since Pringles are fragile…

        I don’t know what it was. I think it was because I imagined a Sweet (Baby/Tiny) Jesus standing on a Pringle and then I thought of the tiny, tiny sushi. Haha.

  8. Can we give secondary choices, just in case? Say, our first choice is the one you wanted us to pick, and the second is the Hugo detail? It was a tough choice, and nearly lost the nickle I flipped to make my vote…

  9. I’ve got some suggestions for you. If you use any, I only want all the credit.

    1- My bad habits from a – j (don’t want to overwhelm the poor reader)
    2- What I’d do to the fat bastard if I ever ran into Santa Claus.
    3- What I will name my 36 cats.
    4- I was born with a penis. And a vagina. My parents flipped a coin.
    5- The girl most likely to sleep with the football team. My mother. My mentor.

    The above ideas are subject to copyright and anyone other than S7 who wishes to use one, may do so only once they’ve washed my feet and kissed my ass. Vice versa for Americans.

    1. I like number 3, but I’m afraid I would not be very inventive. My first cat was named Raffles. My second cat was Raffles II. You see where this is heading.

      1. Hugo wants you to know that he loves fire as a decorating concept, and he only has time to stare and stare at you with his hypnotic puppet eyes.

      1. And Jen did amazing with it. That’s why it never needs to be repeated by me. And I also killed…er…don’t know who the other speakers are.

  10. I voted for “Best Speaker7 Post I’ve Never Read” because I’ll bet it’s really good, since some of the posts that I wrote when I had only nine followers are really good, but very few people will ever know just how good these posts are, unless I reblog them. So I’m on board with this idea, and I know that I won’t be disappointed.

    Just one thing that I have to finally get out of my system here… while I genuinely admire the effort that bloggers have made to write 30 posts in the 30 days of November, could the powers that be have come up with a more thoroughly retarded name than “NaBloWriMo”??? Yeah, I know it’s an acronym, but it’s a stupid and ridiculous looking and sounding acronym, and it was a total nonstarter for me, from the very first day I saw it. So as a result, I have written only two blog posts this month, and there won’t be any more unless I feel like writing another one in November.

    I may write 31 posts in the 31 days of December and call my effort nothing at all, rather than call it something as totally and pathetically LAME as “NaBloWriMo”!!!

    Okay, rant now over, and please feel free to put a turd on my head, if you think that I deserve one. If you do, there will be no hard feelings, and in fact, I’d feel somewhat honored by it. Lol ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. I would never turd your dear head unless you behaved in the manner of a real turd, like a Donald Trump. I am a little hurt because I was planning on naming my second child NaBloWriMo and now realize it sounds stupid.

      1. You are very kind, and even on my worst day, I don’t think I could ever match The Donald’s Mt Everest height of hubris and turditude. And oh, go ahead and name your second child NaBloWriMo, if that makes you happy. But please also make sure that he or she gets extensive training in the martial arts, since he or she will need these vital skills to survive high school… Lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

        My niece grew up here in the Northeast, but she went to college in LA, where she still lives now, and although she’s an intelligent and charming woman in her mid 30s, whom I genuinely like and love, in ways she has become quite Southern “Californicated”. She named her first child, a girl, “Zooey”, and even though the name is pronounced the same as “Zoey”, my niece couldn’t resist adding that extra “o” in the spelling of her daughter’s name, and naming her after actress and musician Zooey Deschanel.

        Her child is a delightful little girl now three years old, and I hope she will adjust okay to all the times she’s inevitably going to be called “Zoo-ie” in school. But no, I’ve never voiced my concern to Zooey’s mother, since I know it’s none of my business, and hopefully my concern is unfounded.

  11. I think for me it’s a toss up between:
    1. A book review on The Secret
    2. A product review of the Thigh-master
    3. A movie review on the Look Who’s Talking trilogy

  12. Now I can’t vote for Pecan Sandies because I’d feel like an asshole, and I’m too tired to come up with something clever. God damn it all, I’m going to have to vote for giant greeting cards.

      1. It’s too late! I voted for giant greeting cards. Just know that in my heart it was and always will be Pecan Sandies, because honestly, who the fuck really eats those things? My curiousity is peaked. I need to know.

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