Obligatory Thanksgiving Post

This will be short because there is funnel of gravy with my name on it.

What I’m thankful for:

  • funnels of gravy
  • priceless sculptures

exhibit A

  • families who pose in unitards

  • celebrities’ obligatory Thanksgiving comments

  • Advice books

  • Fifty Shades-inspired homages

And…..what am I missing?

Oh yes, all of you. For reals, people. This has been one of the most creatively fulfilling things I have ever done, and that’s saying a lot because I once covered a lawnmower race. All kidding aside, thanks for reading me, giving me inspiration and making me laugh.

Now go eat your weight in gravy. Even if you aren’t American and celebrating Thanksgiving, it’s still a great idea.

Dearest Reader: Speaker7 is attempting to write a post every day in November so she doesn’t have to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). This is why she has intruded on your holiday. 


  1. I’m thankful to have made it into Speaker7’s montage. Look, Ma, I’m an icon!!! Thanks for all the laughs and inspiration yourself, Missy. Always a great way to start my day.

    1. And I am thankful for people who touch snakes, and have freezers filled with dead mice because I would be doing the heeby-jeeby dance and someone has to feed those snakes.

  2. Hey, I see me! That is a Thanksgiving treat, much better than that cranberry sauce that comes out of the can in one big, wiggly mass. This has been an awesome year for me as well. Come over to my blog when you’re getting sick of family and gravy or gravy covered family and read delightful stories about about the story of Thanksgiving! Warning: Involves talking turkeys, an Indian with a knife and fork, and mention of smallpox. Enjoy!

    And happy Turkey day!

  3. Seriously, thank you Speaker7 for sharing your weird and wonderful sense of humor with us! Your posts are so enjoyable and your responses to comments are hilarious. Have a great Thanksgiving!

  4. My weight in gravy??? can I have some mashed potatoes, too? I know, I’m needy.

    Thanks for sharing your wit and humor (and reading the gawd-awful crap so the rest of us can save a few brain cells – I’m not sure I could have forced myself).

    Happy Thanksgiving.

    1. Oh god yes, you have to have mashed potatoes. If my relatives wouldn’t look at me strangely, I would pile mashed potatoes on my plate in the manner of Richard Dryfus’s character in Close Encounters of the Third Kind and then I would pour a trough of gravy over them.

  5. Thanks to you S7, for giving us a smile as we slave in our kitchens, cutting the waxy skin off our turnips and massaging herbs onto our birds. Also, thanks for that unitard picture! I love the antenna on the little kid…oh, wait…oh shit! That’s not an antenna!

  6. Speaker7, thanks for all the laughs. And for putting me on the map in Idaho. I’ve always wanted to visit!

    Happy Turkey Day — or in your case, Happy Gravy Day

    1. I hadn’t realized I kind of created a US map, but that’s because these colors don’t run or something. May your day be filled with potatoes to remind you of Idaho.

  7. I appreciate you holding up your end of the bargain with your “obligatory” post. You signed on to write a post a day and I signed on to read your post every day. I’m grateful I didn’t do that with everyone. 😉 Enjoy that gravy!

  8. Thank you for inserting my picture in there! That is so sweet!

    Of course thanksgiving is a great idea, duh! It’s inspired by Dutch traditions dating back to the 1500’s! We don’t celebrate it here anymore (I believe one city still does on the 3rd of october, but that’s it pretty much.)

    Oh, and I stuffed myself like you said, not with turkey or whatever, but with a lot of ice cream and jelly beans. That’s okay, too, right?

  9. Happy Thanksgiving S7 – I am thrilled to see my baseball cap in that montage! I’m also thankful for your wit – these daily posts have been a blast. Gotta go, there’s a lawnmower race starting and I’m in the poll position.

    1. You can’t beat lawnmower races. They’re so….what’s the word I’m looking for…pointless? Yes. Because the blades are removed so you’re not even mowing the lawn while you race around in a circle. I didn’t understand it. Sorry for the tangent…what I meant to say was Happy Thanksgiving!

      1. So true. A mayor in a neighboring town was busted for DUI 3 times and lost his license. He drives his John Deere to work. I think he left the blades on.

  10. Thanks for the lovely post. I wish you a great gravy-eating experience, although I sometimes find that drinking the gravy works as well. OK, admittedly,if I’m going to be drinking anything during the meal, it should have more than the .03 proof that gravy does…

      1. I thought “Dr.” was his first name, and “Phil” his last ? You’re right though. I’m usually taking notes when I’m reading.

  11. I want to go to a lawnmower race. But failing that, my concession at being included in your montage is making me feel pretty. damn. special. right abouts now.
    Now, go float your boat of gravy!

  12. This was beautiful. The collage at the end made me cry. Okay, not really, but if I was the kind of person who cried about collages, I definitely would’ve cried just then.

    I’m thankful for Donald Trump’s hair, and turds of the week, and Forever Lazy, and Richard Simmons adorned with rainbow cotton balls, and bad fiction that I will never have to read now, and your funny as f*ck writing that makes my heart grow three sizes larger every time I read it. Happy Thanksgiving!

    1. Just imagine the tears you would have shed if I had made a collage out of turds, Donald Trump’s hair, Richard Simmons and Forever Lazies. Thanks for being my BBFF.

  13. WOW. That is the most incredible reader mosaic I have ever seen. Never mind that it’s the only reader mosaic I have ever seen, it honestly blew me away when I saw it. And I am grateful to be included, and humbled to be in such amazing company.

    1. Thank you. Even though it’s the only one you’ve seen, I’m glad your thoughts weren’t these: “kinda lame.” It amazed me when I put it together how many blogging connections I’ve made.

      1. Hell, I made something kind of similar for our Canvas fb page cover a while back and yours is still so much more amazing. Except for the background on mine, because it was our header, which my Babygirl painted years ago, so you know I’m going to love that better than Van Gogh, but you’ve got serious skills there, lady.

        The connections thing is so cool. I was looking through seeing how many people I could identify at a glance. Whenever someone new visits my site, I like to go visit theirs and look around until I can find a friend in common through comments or likes. It’s so cool to be able to trace that. 🙂

  14. Look at me dead center in that mosaic. Makes sense since I’m the center of your universe.

    I am really pissed at my family right now since they never let us take one of those unitard pictures.

    1. Yours was going to be ginormous like the sun in the universe, and I was going to put the other pictures like little satellites around it, but then I thought people might feel bad.

  15. That unitard photo truly made my morning today, as I sit here, completely hung over and feeling like crap on a stick. Then I saw your blogger mosaic at the bottom–well done! Thanks for being you, Speaker. Hope you had a fantastic Thanksgiving!

    1. I predicting what your Christmas card picture will be now. My Thanksgiving was very nice. I ate brownies to the point of complete revulsion and got my gravy fix.

  16. Is that Fanny Bank for real? No, never mind, I don’t want to know the answer. And it gives me the warm tinglies to see my sniper kitty in the collage. I give thanks for you and your unbelievably genius sense of humor. And your 50 Shades in particular.

    1. That’s fifty shades of glorious fanny banking right there. I have no idea what that sentence means, but I thought you’d like it. And for that, I’m thankful.

  17. I’m thankful for you, too, and I’m especially grateful that you photoshopped out the head and feet on my ex and made her look like the turkey she is for dumping me. You rock, buddy!

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