Well shit.
Here I was. All excited for my four-day Thanksgiving holiday, and come to find out that Thanksgiving is NOT a sexy holiday.
Horn of plenty? More like horn of wah-wah.
It’s true.
It’s true because I read it in Glamour magazine. Not only do I have 60 fun nail polish ideas to try this week (Must remember to stock up on nail polish remover), but I will have to do my sexy at some other holiday because scientifically, Thanksgiving is a cold turkey.
Why so unsexy, Thanksgiving?
Because someone had a deadline to fill and someone else said “Just write something about Thanksgiving and put sex in it. Can’t you see I’m doing my nails? Fuck, I have 54 other combinations to try out. Get out of my office!”
Was I suppose to really read the article?
Cheezus cripes, okay, okay I’ll read it.
My face feels numb.
So there are 28 reasons, and I read them all. And in between my reading, I changed my nail polish 4 times.
It basically comes down to this:
Your genitals stay covered up because your Aunt Sylvia would be like “Um….why am I seeing your pubic hair” and turkey skin is all goosebumpily.
It’s not like Easter with the eggs and sperm and bunnies copulating like…well bunnies. Or Flag Day with those flags on those poles, waving their patriotism in people’s faces.
So, sorry America. You will have to celebrate your Thanksgiving in a sexless fashion, which I think kinda works since it commemorates the pilgrims and stuff and they were way uptight.
Don’t fret because Dec. 8 is Take It In the Ear Day. And that sounds sexy as shit.
Dearest Reader: Speaker7 is attempting to write a post every day in November so she doesn’t have to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). This is getting in her way of her Take It In the Ear Day celebration, but she soldiers on because she loves you.
I can’t wait for Dec. 8th.
Seriously. It is going to be super sexy.
I bet E.L. James is behind that holiday.
Phew – my Dec 8th Birthdaying Husband will be excited for ‘take it in the ear’ day….
Do you do a thing similar to spankings except instead of giving your husband’s age in spankings, it’s cramming things in his ears?
I might have to do that this year….now what would someone what crammed in their ears 47 times?
I can’t believe they think Thanksgiving isn’t sexy. I mean, what is up with them? I always get my groove on then, sometimes in the middle of the table in front of extended family. That might be why I have not been invited back. You guys should try it. Makes the holidays much more bearable that way.
Also, I am too sexy for my turkey.
The article does provide scientific proof of the holiday’s unsexiness. It wasn’t like the author just pulled things directly from a turkey anus.
You learn something new everyday….I’ve never heard of Flag Day. Must only by celebrated in America!?
I live in America and totally forgot about it until now, you’re OK.
I believe it became a holiday when the whole everyone’s-a-communist thing was happening in the 40s and 50s. I celebrate by turning my neighbors into the FBI.
Damn – the way I stuff turkey is sexy as hell, and means I don’t have to use salt in my cooking!
I’m having plastic surgery next week to widen my lug-hole for the 8th, I can almost hear it coming… as it were ;)
Jeez Louise, that is one sexy comment. That almost made me believe Thanksgiving could be sexy. You should write a counter article for Glamour.
B*tards wont let me. Panda’s are shapely and do nothing for couture!
Thanksgiving isn’t sexy because you eat so much. If you try to have sexy time you’ll get sick and vomit all over each other. Mystery solved. Nobody wants to wear regurgitated turkey and stuphing on their birthday suits.
That’s exactly what I was going to say. I’ll just have to plan for sexy time before Thanksgiving starts. Come help me baste the turkey sounds kind of hot.
Absolutely. Or even stuffing the turkey. Eh? Eh?
Well really, the best solution would be sexy times right before eating. You know, so that your metabolism gets going. THEN everyone can stuff their faces without worry of vomititus after.
You want to stir my gravy?
Well, how can I refuse an offer like that?
I don’t know why, but I just realized you are a girl. I like you even more now. Turkey skin is gross but so delicious.
It’s probaby the mustaches that confused you, and my insistence on being called “Sir.”
We all end up waddling side to side after eating 14 courses of fattening, waddle-producing foods, some of which give our necks those ultra-sexy waddles, just like Tom Turkey. How can one possibly feel sexy being a double-waddler?
I don’t know. Turkey waddles are pretty sexy in my book.
Does Hugo know that tomorrow is also Start Your Own Country Day?
Oh. My. God. I’m not going to let him come near the computer. That is dangerous information.
I guess it’s different for lesbians. I once recall having great sex on Thanksgiving morning into afternoon, but then the phone rang (this was so long ago I had a landline) and the caller was the person who’s house I was supposed to be at for dinner at 4 ripping me a new butthole for not having left my hovel yet. Saying, “Gee, I was busy having great sex,” was not a welcome explanation. To ensure that never happens again, I’m assigned to show up at her brother’s place where I crash the night before. Happy Turkey Day buddy!
It is different for lesbians.
My ear says it’s perfectly ok as long as he buys it dinner first. Chivalry isn’t dead.
I like it when they open the door before sticking something in my ear.
I can’t hear you, I have penis stuck in my ear.
I have no idea how you’re going to top this on Dec. 8.
So, to clarify, I should nix the lacy bra and spandex Pilgrim suit?
Of course not. That is traditional Pilgrim garb.
You mean eating 2 huge plates of Thanksgiving dinner and 3 pieces of pie, getting SO full that you have to unzip your pants and let your stomach fall out onto your lap, ISN’T SEXY???
I think it is. I like it when I uncover gravy and rolls in the nooks and crannies of my belly fat. That is sexy.
Not as sexy as stuffing in your belly button though. That makes me wet just thinking about it.
I’m pretty sure the 60 nail polish ideas slide show is actually an experiment to see how many times a person can click before dying of boredom.
You are probably right. I made it to one and had a strong inclination to pull out my fingernails.
You’re a fucking trip. I read this three times. You know, I happen to have an Aunt Silvia like everyone does, and reading the dirty “genitals” word so close to “Aunt Silvia”, well, I hot-burped a little bit.
See I think you’ve keyed into how Thanksgiving can be sexy. Hot-burping.
Wait, you’re supposed to cover up your genitals at Thanksgiving? Is this why I no longer get invites, and the police filed that restraining order against me?
Ooh…this is awkward. I really don’t want to tell someone to cover up their genitals on Thanksgiving especially if that is a tradition. I think it depends on the circumstances.
You’ve obviously never done the Turkey Trot. I have ex-boyfriends who still contact me because of it.
That sounds sexier than sticking “it” in my ear.