Why Isn’t Anyone Writing?

I wake up early every day. I play Blue’s Clues (today we learned Blue wanted to pretend a box was a roller coaster, and I wanted to pretend that the box was a case of Ambien) and go through the eternal changing-clothes battle. I fall down the stairs, pop the antibiotic I take for the white patches in my tonsils that appeared once my son was born, and dig another notch in the wall to signal the start of the new day. After 14 rounds of “Get You,” which entails chasing my son around the couch, I finally wrangle him into a high chair, find the same Elmo’s World episode on Youtube, toast a waffle–which is one of five items my son deigns to eat–and finally have 45 minutes to myself where I can stare at a computer screen and am only occasionally interrupted by demands to “Dance, mama!” whenever Elmo sings his stupid songs.

But here’s the thing, people. You are not here for me. I click on the “Blogs I Follow” link and there’s nothing new when before I had to cut back on my sobbing-and-rocking-in-the-corner routine to make time for all the new blog posts.

You all seem to be on summer vacation with your pina coladas, flesh-eating viruses and divorce speculations (FYI – Katie and Tom split because of too many misplaced thetans and too few couch jumps), and that’s fine. Really. I’m not being a martyr while I sit in my windowless dining room and click on links about raspberry ketone’s fatty-superman powers. Don’t worry about me.

And I’m only half-serious when I write of the relentless confinement that is my life. Why just three weeks ago, I got my haircut so that was something. I might have a picture of it…no, no I don’t.

But I’m fine. See?

See without your pithy blog-o-grams, I am forced to seek out other sources of information. And then I actually read “news” and learn that people are against health care  reform, but are for the provisions in it, and become aware that some people want to now move to Canada to get away from our “socialized medicine” and I just can’t…I just can’t handle it.

So go on that cruise in the mountains or play golf in that casino–you have my blessing. Just bring your laptop or smart phone or E-meter and write about all the fun you’re having so I have something to read in the morning.



  1. You are funny. I found you through a tweet by Honoré and I just might follow since you are able to make me laugh. I am an author and I also have a blog (it’s on Honoré’s blogroll as Wendy’s Works) but I haven’t been doing too much writing lately either. No, I’m not on vacation (can’t afford one), I just have a lousy full time day job that keeps me fairly busy. I try to post once a week but I can’t always guarantee that it will be witty and creative. Hope to talk to you again soon. 🙂

    1. Thanks for the follow! I hate how jobs and responsibilities get in the way of my desire to fall asleep at the dining room table at this very moment.

  2. Okay. But it a little discouraging. Not only is no one writing. No one is reading.i will write something if you promise to click on my blog twice, so I will feel better.

  3. I have the opposite problem. I can’t keep up with the blog posts that I read. Once I get through them there is no time left for writing. My plan today is to do my walk and then get to writing. Just for you. 😉

  4. I am too busy making lists of posts to write to actually write any of them.

    I’m so far behind on my blog reading the only solution is to quit my job (but of course that’s my solution for many of my problems not just blog reading), so maybe a win-win situation would be for you to read my backlog and let me know if I missed anything good.

  5. I’m guilty-ish. I am on vacation but have posted twice since it started. Oh, and I worked 50% the other days. So it isn’t much of a vacation, actually. But I am typing outside the DC/NoVA area I live in normally, which has no power.

    I have no life either, but it’s at the opposite end of the child care spectrum. Does that make you feel better?

      1. Since Friday. My son is home, hiding in the basement with no water, a fridge full of rotten food and no A/C. Oh, and fallen trees. This too shall pass, right?

  6. You have my heartfelt and honest apologies. Not about not writing (which I’m doing again) but because you are also ordered to dance for the amusement of a pint-sized dictator who knows no mercy.

    1. You understand, you really understand. And I can’t simply bob my head for two seconds. It is a get-on-the-feet, engage-in-elaborate-choreography dancing while Elmo repeats the same word over and over again to the medley of Jingle Bells.

  7. Love your post like always; your satire is biting and dead on target, including lots of humor to make me smile and even laugh. I’ve also noticed the huge drop off of WP bloggers who actually go places now that it’s summer, but just one thing to let you know – Since I am going nowhere, I’m still blogging. So cummon over and see me some time! 😀 Here, I’ll even give you directions: http://wp.me/p221lH-r5

      1. You are most welcome, and thanks for the follow! 🙂 I hope that now I can repay you with some enjoyment of my posts, since I have really enjoyed your posts for quite some time. I follow more blogs than I can keep up with, but you are on my “Can’t Miss!” list, so I almost never miss your posts. Just a quick tip for when you come visit my blog – June was a good month for my writing, so check out those June posts, cause you might like them! 🙂

  8. I am writing as much as ever before but the content has gone down the crapper. I’m in a big time rut. Tastes great; less filling. Except the exact opposite. Summer makes me blah. I need the winter of my discontent to feel all writery again. I’m hoping a cold wave moves in so I can eke out a new post.

    I feel tired after reading your first paragraph. It gets better, I promise.

    1. Pardon me for interrupting this post and conversation with something mostly unrelated.
      Angie… my boys have become obsessed with Super Mario Bros and Power Rangers. Let me rephrase that, Angie. My boys are watching Super Mario Bros and Power Rangers episodes through Netflix. These shows were done in the late 80s early 90s. Angie, I cannot be the room when the shows are on without first cringing and then thinking of you. Please send help.

      1. Oh, no, Lenore! Do you want me to send in back up? Like in the form of Heathcliff and the Care Bears? My kids are watching those old bastards via Netflix, and I want to shoot myself. I can’t believe animation could ever be so bland.

        “Heathcliff, Heathcliff no one should terrify their neighborhood….” Ack! Make it stop!

    2. Pardon me Angie, but didn’t you just get Freshly Pressed (again) for being stupendous? I know nothing of this ‘blah’ of which you speak! You are consistently fabulous! So – quiet you, you’re making the rest of us feel bad. 😉

      I on the other hand have encountered said summer rut – and I don’t like it! Feel free to impart blogging wisdom. 🙂

      1. Yes but my husband partially fed me the initial idea for that post. (I know…talk about pathetic.) I need to get over to your blog and check out this rut you speak of. Last I read you were taming dragons and I was ready to kick some CEO’s arse. It was great stuff.

      2. Angie – when did you get freshly pressed again?!? I missed it!?! Craphammer.
        I don’t check FP that much because it causes insanity. Like someone will get FP’d for writing “Pros of summer: sandals; Cons of summer: sand. Wah-wah.” and this leads to depression.

  9. I didn’t have innerwebs access while I was on vacation, and my voice got all scratchy from screaming my posts at the sky, hoping they’d bounce off some satellites and hit everyone’s computer, which is how the innerwebs works, I’m pretty sure. Luckily I’d set some new and awesome* posts to auto-publish, just in case my other plan didn’t work out.
    *actual awesomeness may vary

  10. I remember the excitement of getting out to get my haircut. Then I went two years without getting it cut. *sigh* So much for that outlet. And Blue’s Clues? I never considered myself a desperate housewife until I realized I had a crush on Joe or Tom or whatever his name is. Names aren’t important. And, I work at home! I am more than a desperate housewife, I am a desperate work-at-home housewife.

    I’m writing. Sometimes. I appreciate your visits. I’ll try to write more. Provided I don’t have an appointments to get my haircut.

    1. It was Steve first. Then Steve went to college and his brother Joe took over caring for Blue, and dealing with Tickety’s drama and Shovel’s neurosis. I don’t know how to do basic algebra, but I know the succession line at Blue’s Clues. Yay me.

      1. Not that I think about those guys on a daily basis (anymore)… it was Steve. Steve was the one I enjoyed watching. Joe was just a rebound. [I remember way too much about my Blues Clues days. OH MY GOSH – “We just got a letter! We just got a letter! Wonder who it’s from.” Save me….]

      2. Yes, I’m not a big fan of Joe’s. He tries to hard. Steve is the right kind of laid-back get-me-into-total-stupor vibe. I feel at times Steve is letting us in on the joke that he knows this is all completely nuts. Or maybe I’m just projecting because I feel completely nuts.

  11. I haven’t been writing. You’re right. And that’s because today I’ve had internet for nearly ten straight hours, and it’s the first time in more than a week. And I’ll probably lose it again tomorrow. But I’m trying to catch up on blogs, which is hard to do, because there are always more of them to read, because other people have internet, and I’M NOT BITTER. I curse Comcast and all its extended family members. F*cking c*cktease of an internet ‘provider’.

    1. Yikes! I would be lost without the Internet mainly because I need to constantly look up things my brain should know like how many cups are in a saucer…no that’s night right…cups in a quart.

  12. Deal! 🙂 I have been writing, but mostly below-par rants about being a jobless hobo, or the fact I quit my new job after 12 days and the partial loss of my sanity. My most recent post is not very zeitgeisty, but if you’re feeling nostalgic – it might raise a smile. 🙂 I was remembering a time when TVs were fat and people were thin… http://www.jessseeker.com/2012/07/06/when-tvs-were-fat-and-people-were-thin/

    Never change Speaker7. You are fabulous!

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