To Know the Actual Love For You

Wouldn’t that be something–especially today of all days, the 14th day in the month-long celebration of National Bird Feeding? To know the actual love the actual someone has for the actual person who is you? I wish there was a list of actual tips. Maybe written by someone for whom English is a second language. Then I would know if a guy has a love for their girls.

The Internet never ceases to amaze me, whether it be sating my never-ending desire to know all there is to know about adult baby syndrome or helping to master the intricacies of the Shake Weight®, it always comes through for me. Google even made me a video Valentine I never finished watching because I clicked on a link to learn how to get freakishly long eye lashes (cow urine moistened onto the eyelashes followed by dollop of bird urine, cover with gauze). It was difficult to read through the gauze, but I did find a website that answered the age-old question:

How is it possible to know the actual love of the guy for you?

Tip 1 – When he takes interest in your matters like your work schedule.

I asked Mr. Speaker7 if he knew what I did at 10:35 a.m. today. He responded: “No, what did you do?”  I have been giving him the silent treatment ever since, and broke it only to say what I would like to order for take out.

Tip 2 – When a guy keeps a track on your habits.

I break my silence. What is my number 1 habit? I ask my husband. “Sitting in front of a computer screen for hours,” he responds.

The correct response is ribbon sorting.

Tip 3 – When a guy wants to spend more time with you, dates out with you and shares your favorite pastimes, then he is madly in love with you.

Do you want to mix up these ribbons and then sort them by thread count? I ask. “It’s been a really long day,” sighs Mr. Speaker7

Tip 4 – If he tries to be friendly with you, it show signs of love for you.

I think the supermarket cashier is into me because he said “Here you go. Have a nice day” rather than spitting in my face, a clear sign of no love for you.

Tip 5 – Changing of topic when you discuss about your future with him is not a good sign of a healthy relationship with your love.

What is the future of your relationship with my love? I query breathlessly. “…” responds Mr. Speaker7 because he left the room 20 minutes ago to stop answering these questions.

Tip 6 -His every action will make you believe he loves you.

Really? His every action? All humans poop. There was even a book written about it. Should I see if he is or is not pooping on a photo of me? How far do I go here? I mean your tip is very specific and helpful, but where do we draw the line? Ball scratching? Yes, ball scratching.

I think that’s a good tip to end on especially since Tip 17 is “knowing when to end your blog post on a positive love note shows he feels in love with his love over you” and there are 3,259 other tips. And Mr. Speaker7’s action of folding laundry when I hate folding laundry is clearly making me believe he loves me in a sharing of not-favorite-pastimes-kind-of way.

Happy Bird Feeding Month to you all!


  1. Yes, the article you reference was written by experts paid to inform us of stuff, like that ball scratching is a sign that I truly do love my wife. I’m glad to have the experts confirm what I already knew, except maybe it’s just jock itch.
    NOTE: This is just a joke in S7 comments box and in no way represents my actual balls.

  2. You had me at “ribbon-sorting”. You had me forever at “ball-scratching”…

    Your posts always make me laugh; and this post definitely made my 14th day in National Bird Feeding Month.

  3. Loved this. It reminds me of the international grant requests we receive at my office. “Will you gracious sir asist us in finacing a large sum of MONEY to help very sory peoples?” Although, unlike this post, I’ll probably go to hell for laughing at those.

  4. I love you. Does that count? Also, I have 27 rolls of expensive ribbon that I will never use, from a delusional belief that I would make a fortune designing ribbon cuff bracelets (Don’t ask). I was planning to donate them to a shelter for homeless gift givers, but I can send them to you.

  5. after re-reading this list i think it could also be “how to know if you are be stalkerish.” and i also wonder if hubby is really THAT into me. so, i guess i’m happy i didn’t read this yesterday?

  6. I always thought that if my husband started keeping track of my schedule closely it meant he was having an affair. Now I know it just means that he loves me. And maybe someone else, too. Happy Bird Feeding month to you too, Speaker7!

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