Snooki wrote another book.
It is titled The Medium is the Massage: An Inventory of Effects.
That might be wrong.
Anyhoo, the Today show had an exclusive interview with Snookie née Nicole Polizzi about her new book. The female anchorbot then said something like:
“And in our studios, another intriguing woman Bette Midler.”
Yes Bette Midler is following Snooki. Bette Midler, who has been an entertainment fixture for decades. Yes Bette Midler who has an actual discernible talent, multi-talented in fact–she sings, she tells jokes, she acts–she is following a woman who took a dump in a potted plant.
But, wait! Maybe I’m being too judgmental. Maybe Snookie Monster has something meaningful to say….or expel from her bowels.
“Whatchyoo been up to?” Matt Lauer inquires.
“Just busy with my book. . . and the downfall of civilization,” she answers.
“How would you say the Italians reacted to you,” Matt Lauer probes.
“They loved us. They would shout whatever the Italian word for ‘gonorrhea queen’ is,” Snooki answers. “I think I just peed on this chair.”
“Your book is called Confessions of a Guidette,” Matt Lauer begins. “When I was a kid, journalists actually interviewed people about newsworthy information or what I meant to say when I was growing up, calling someone a guido was not the nicest thing to say.”
“It’s not really a compliment, it’s a lifestyle” Snooki explains. “In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions, you can be a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Or a guidette.”
“Do we ever get to see the real you on this show,” Matt Lauer digs. “I think you even said reality TV is not normal life, it’s the most dysfunctional moments rolled into a ball–in your case a meatball. Do we ever get to see the real Nicole on TV.”
“I am what happens when a consumer capitalist society ships all its jobs oversees and produces nothing. People become product. The concept of ‘Snooki’ is something that sells, it has no grounding in any reality,” Snooki replies.
Or she might have said that Snooki is a party girl.
Matt Lauer asked other questions. Snooki answered them.
“What kind of guy do you like,” Matt says, smoothing down the seventh strand on his head.
“BURRRRPPPPPPP!” Snooki replies.
And next up is Bette Midler.
Hopefully she at least got the larger dressing room.
I watched the interview too and was disturbed, yet not surprised. My favorite part was when they were talking about how her book discusses the kind of guy she wants be in a relationship with and then she mentions that she also likes her boyfriend. Glad to see she’s so committed.
She’s a very complex soul. One man would not be enough.
I am not quite sure why you don’t appreciate Snooki’s talent. Oh wait. She doesn’t have any.
Wait, she does hold her liquor well….no, that’s not true. I tried.
I think I just peed in my chair reading this.
You may now be on the path to getting your own reality TV show. If I were you, I would start practicing drunkenly making out in hot tubs.
So there IS an upside to going to work at an ungodly early hour! I don’t have to watch Matt!
Yes indeed….you can exist in a world where the Today show does not exist. That is truly nirvana.
I was one-part crying from the bitter truth in here and one-part laughing, as always.
But for some reason, the line that made me laugh the most was: ” ‘Whatchyoo been up to?’ Matt Lauer inquires.” Oh, Matt, that’s sooo you of you.
He’s down with the kids’ lingo, right dawg? Word to your mother.
This is the heaviest blog I’ve read in a long time. The Medium is the Massage! Holy Shit. Let me read that book and get back to you in a month. Very deep. Very cool.
If Marshall McLuhan came back to life, he would immediately die upon watching the Today show.
…this interview…Snooki…quick run from the room….brain mush is infectious
“BRAAAIINNNNNNSSSSSSS…I NEED BRAAIIINNNNNNSSSSS” – Snooki, Today Show, 10/25/11