Today is a day of celebrating discoveries.
I’m not talking about Chris Columbus arriving in Boston on the Mayflower to dump tea on the top of Plymouth Rock and then going on to direct Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire (reference: Palin, S. Going Rogue: An American Life.).
I’m talking about the latest hair craze that is tying the world into knots of frenzied excitement.
What is it? BRAINSSSSSSSS.
Sorry, I’m became a bit of a zombie there for a second, but I am watching the Today show so that is understandable.
What is it? BRAIDSSSSSSSS.
It’s made it’s way from the silver screen to the small screen to everywhere in between like Wendy from Wendy’s, braided rugs, this:
I never really thought the braid left, but apparently the braid had mixed itself up with hemp and been in rehab until recently.
But now “the word on the runway is that the braid is back” according to Ann Curry.
Some old man says he’s seen it on the streets, on the red carpet. It even formed a
rubber band. “Wow this is really cute,” he says using very appropriate language for an elder gentlemen of means.
Apparently the new braid is “edgy.” It’s not like the subdued braids worn by Pippi Longstocking.
It’s now no longer a question of who’s doing braids, it’s who isn’t, some random interviewee states. Has this really been weighing on people’s minds? Has anyone here reading this blog ever asked anyone in their life “Are you doing braids?” and now suddenly you have to change that question to “Are you not doing braids?” Could this just be summed up by looking at the person’s hair? So many questions. I feel all tangled (do you see what I did there? Yeah I don’t either).
This same random interviewee says the new and improved braid is loose and undone and “very much on the pulse of what’s going on in hair.” Well now at least someone is making sense in this segment.
The old man is back saying he opened up a braid bar in his salon and business is “gang busters.” It may also be really cute.
Braids give women freedom some random person says. They are the Emancipation Proclamation of hairstyles.
Now an US Weekly correspondent will “teach” us something about hair. This will become the norm once the public school system is completely decimated.
We see it on the tennis courts, the runway, celebrities, she lectures. “This is really a twist on the classic braid.”
I’m still not sure I get it….is the new braid different from the old braid? Hmmm I’m not sure the point has been made the 700 times it’s been said in this 5 minute segment.
Unlike neon and skinny jeans, the teacher teaches, the old and fat can get in on this action too. (I’m paraphrasing, but that is essentially what she said and I’ve learned so much). All the women of the world will be woven and intermingled together by the strands of their hair much in the same way plastic and other debris form giant garbage patches in the oceans.
So thank you Chris Columbus for “discovering” the Bahamas that eventually led to Europeans taking over North America and finally to the founding of the Today show and BRAINSSSSSSSS.
Not everyone can share in the wonder of the braid. I had the pippi style in kindergarten. Each braid was the thickness of a pencil. No wait, not the pencil, the lead inside the pencil.
I would suggest purchasing a Bo Derek wig. You do not want to miss out on the pulse of hair.
For years I’ve believed that shows like the Today Show helped dumb down America and lowered the level of discord. Thanks for proving my point.
Are you saying that braiding or unbraiding one’s hair is not the single most important issue facing Americans these days?
Second, after what Kim Kardashian is doing for dinner.
I cannot for the life of me braid my own hair. I’m going to be left behind!!!
Don’t worry. In three months, there will likely be a braid backlash and the word on the runway will be that the rattail is back.
Good stuff. I think this is my favorite post yet. Although, I’m not sure how to feel now about my braid-on-occasion that dates back to a particular lazy day back in 2009. Am I a trailblazer or a dismal reminder of the “old braid” that’s repressed butter-churning women for centuries?
I would go with trailblazer unless you braided your hair to keep it out of the way while you screamed at women to “Churn faster! Faster, I say!”
1. Pinterest (awesome site, fyi) always has braid pins all over the place.
2. I am FUCKED, cuz I have short hair.
Ah, if only the craze were BRAINSSSSS. I am trying to create that craze in my house, but with so much brainlessness competing for my girls’ attentiom, it feels like a lost cause.
Not to get all Willie Nelson on y’all, but I’m not going to braid my hair until I see Matt Lauer getting down with ’em.