________ Sexy Adult Costume

My excitement over purchasing items from the LTD Commodities Christmas Catalog almost led me to forgetting about Halloween.

Can you really blame me?

Look at this:

insert “you might be a redneck” joke

If it’s too small to read all the jokes have to deal with making a play on the word “crack” while showing a redneck’s ass crack. I do not understand this. If you can explain the joke to me, please do so in the comments area. Thank you so much.

And this:

Made 100 percent out of sparkly marble

**I believe you are purchasing towels, rugs or blankets with the actors’ likeness not the actual actors themselves.**

But thank Great Pumpkin for email. I mainly get emails from WordPress, but sometimes I get something special like offers to purchase white spray paint for my teeth (did you know that oxygen molecules work their way through dentinal tubules?? Science!!) or to buy Halloween costumes.

I am all about Halloween except when I forget about it due to excitement over Christmas catalogs, but that has only happened once.

I am all about sexy costumes…excuse me…seXXXyyyyyyyyejglk costumes. I really like to tart it up for Halloween, but have run out of ideas and really don’t want to go back to an old standby when I pretend to be a child for trick or treating. I’ve been a seXxy, sassy Oedipus Rex complete with Burger King crown and tears of blood from the gouging of my eyes. I’ve been a seXXtifed Vincent Van Gogh with a supersexxxxxxyyyy bloodied bandaged around my ear. I’ve been a too-hot-too-handle Lybian terrorist (this was for the 9th grade Halloween dance. Odd that I didn’t have a boyfriend until college) with a fake beard. So as you can see I’m all about sexiness sells sexshells by the seashore.

So how am I’m going to whore it up this year? I don’t want to do something blah like sexxy truck driver or sexXxy zombie Dick Cheney. I have a child now. I want to set a good example. Luckily I did not automatically trash an email from Buycostumes.com or else I would have lost out on some truly sexily fantastic ideas. Such as this:

KISS Catman Sexy Adult Costume

What is sexxxier than Peter Criss? Maybe Gene Simmons, which they also have as a KISS Demon Sexy Adult Costume. This feline is ready to rock all night long and party every day. I wish I could take credit for that sentence, but it’s from the Buycostume website.

And this:

The Silence of the Lambs Sexy Adult Costume

I remember when Hannibal Lector was eating that guy’s face, I was thinking “That is some sexy cannibalism right there.” Apparently this outfit is an officially licensed Silence of the Lambs (SOTL) product. I wonder what else is out there? Possibly a SOTL® lotion that it can rub on its skin and put inside a SOTL® basket?

If chainsaw-wielding psychopaths are more your thing, they do also offer Miss Leatherface Sexy Adult Costume.

Or this:

Sloth Sinner Sexy Adult Costume

When I think of attaching the sexy label to one of the seven sins, sloth is always first on the list…well maybe it ties with gluttony (unfortunately there is no Gluttony Sinner Sexy Adult Costume). Lazy is the new sexy.

And lastly this:

The Sushi’s On Me Sexy Adult Costume

I really have nothing better to offer so I will let Buycostumes speak for itself:

“Miso sexy! Presentation is everything, right? I guess if that’s how you roll! Costume includes a nude-colored bodysuit with attached leaves and faux sushi. Heads will turn (and mouths may water) when they see this impressive spread.”

Very, very tasteful. Classy, too.

I’m so..excuse me… Miso buying all of these.

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7 comments

  1. Can I just say how *thrilled* I am to meet another person who is so excited about the sexy costume choices available for Halloween! These are some costumes I spied at Target last weekend: Sexy Watermelon (wha?), Sexy Chucky Doll, Sexy Alice in Wonderland, Sexy Skittles Bag, and something I can only describe as a Sexy Sex Outfit (it was lacking in a pretend theme).

  2. Back in my day, way back when costume selection only came down to plastic masks and coordinating shapeless ponchos, the IT sexy costume was “punk rocker chick.” Tight jeans, safety pins, black eyeliner and purple hair paint and you’re good to go. I think I was “punk rocker chick” five years in a row until I got to high school and it sort of just blended in with my regular clothes.

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