The Less You Know

I think I’ve mentioned that I once worked as a newspaper reporter and all the glamour, glitz and glass (I had trouble coming up with a third “gl” word) that went along with it.

I once got sent on assignment to New York….Troy, N.Y…to experience firsthand a massive assault on the city’s crow population. Sh*t literally rained from the sky. Marvelous.

I was front and center at an annual northeastern nudist convention although in hindsight it would have been better to have just done the reporting over the phone. One of the nudist camp members had a colostomy bag. The human body is so beautiful.

I got to tackle a hard-hitting news story that uncovered…well….it uncovered what was underneath the road. My lede was something like: Thousands of cars drive down these roads every week. Clearly I had learned something from my reporting. And then I hit ’em with a punch to the head… But did you know there’s a bunch of crap under these roads, like pipes and utility lines? Oh, you did? Well… okay this is awkward…. look we spent a lot of time on this graphic. Can you just look at this graphic? Thanks.

 

 

 

It was the kind of story Bob Woodward would be proud of…well, the Bob Woodward of 1972 not the present Woodward who had his brain sucked out of his head by Dick Cheney and replaced with a brownish cauliflower.

For some reason a segment on today’s Today show reminded me of my reporter glory days (that was the third “gl” I was looking for. Too late to change it now b/c I’m on deadline). Matt Lauer was in Wisconsin being a man because he was covering the start of football. There are a couple Matt Lauer personas. There’s the Matt Lauer who wears glasses when he’s asking tough questions of heads of state like Kayne West and there’s the Matt Lauer who is a man, jerk, who loves him so football. You want to question his manhood? Go ahead, try it. Matt Lauer is football.

So yes…a big, big story, a what’s-under-the-roads kind of story was featured. Here is an image that will make you wish you saw a 59-year-old nudist with a colostomy bag:

what is under that cheese? Tune in tomorrow…

It’s all about the Green Bay Packer fans who wear “orangy color foam stuff” on their heads. Did you know cows’ milk is used in cheese?!? Did you know that old guys go to breakfast and blather on about nothing of consequence?!? Did you know that football fans get drunk and sound really smart when they’re interviewed?!?  Oh…you did? Well….this is kind of awkward, but here look at this picture:

Awwww....wait, what?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was on the Today show’s website.

News.

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