Tag Archives: television

Speaker7′s Journey

Posted on May 21, 2013 by

So it begins again, dear reader. On May 27th, ABC will roll out its stained red carpet and gas up its dirty limo for another installment of The Bachelorette or what I like to call The Loss of Hope. This season’s “star” … Continue reading →

Posted in entertainment, humor, media, Recraps, television | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 63 Comments

Ready for Cancellation

Posted on April 28, 2013 by

It’s taken me awhile to put together a recrap of the third episode of the live-doll reality show Ready for Love.  Rumors swirled that the show had been cancelled, but then executive producer Eva Longoria took to Twitter, saying it … Continue reading →

Posted in humor, media, Recraps, television | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

Ready for Zzzzzzzzzzz

Posted on April 19, 2013 by

Nothing happened on the second episode of Ready for Love. I mean, I guess some things happened, but in the end it added up to a bunch of nothing. I was most intrigued by audience members holding up signs: If you … Continue reading →

Posted in humor, media, Recraps, television | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

They Will Really Put Anything on Television

Posted on April 13, 2013 by

I listen to you. I do. When you say “Speaker7, please destroy the remaining wisps of soul vaper you have and recrap Splash,” I say “How high?” Wait…that didn’t make sense. But that’s okay, neither does this show. I’ll admit, … Continue reading →

Posted in humor, media, Recraps, television | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 46 Comments

Ready for Same-Old Same-Old

Posted on April 11, 2013 by

Ready for Love premiered Tuesday night. This show is unlike any other reality dating show you’ll ever see, lies executive producer Eva Longoria. Lots of dramatic music and lighting. Lots of quick cuts and editing that makes Cloverfield feel like … Continue reading →

Posted in entertainment, humor, media, Recraps, television | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 66 Comments

Well Fuck.

Posted on March 12, 2013 by

The Bachelor season finale is tonight, and it’s three motherfucking hours long. There is no possible way I will make it through. Let’s just assume Bland gave some dame a promise ring and will be unpromised-ringed in two months, and … Continue reading →

Posted in humor, media, Recraps, television | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 29 Comments

The Boredom Continues: The Women Tell All

Posted on March 5, 2013 by

I missed the first 20 minutes. I was reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear to my son. It is infinitely more fascinating. Do you know that a red bird sees a fucking yellow duck!?! Okay so I’m assuming the rejected Bachelor … Continue reading →

Posted in humor, media, Recraps, television | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 29 Comments

Shameless7 Speaker7 Plug7

Posted on March 4, 2013 by

I have a new post up at The Official How To Blog, which is the most official how to blog on the Internet. You can read it here. Aw…don’t cry…sshhh…sshhh…it’s okay. I’m still going to be Speaker7. In fact, I … Continue reading →

Posted in humor, Recraps, television | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

Bland’s Sister Wives

Posted on February 26, 2013 by

Bland of  The Bachelor is having bland struggles. “I like these girls, but I live in a country that outlaws polygamy. I think I should take off my shirt.” Serious ponderous swimming. Bland is shirtless. He is transported to Thailand … Continue reading →

Posted in humor, media, Recraps, television | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 50 Comments

Bland Tells All: A Very Special Edition of The Bachelor

Posted on February 20, 2013 by

Brace your fucking selves right now. I’m serious. This is going to stun your goddamn faces off. Bland is in The Bachelor hizzouse getting ready to unload the contents of his meat brain to the very dyslexic Chris Harrison. I’m … Continue reading →

Posted in humor, media, Recraps, television | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 31 Comments