search terms

Do Not Fear Potatoes

Seven people found my blog yesterday using those search terms: do not fear potatoes.

Do people really fear potatoes? According to some random seach engine question and answer thingy, there’s not even a word for potato phobia.

The second most asked question about potato fear was this:

I didn’t realize I wrote much about potatoes, and I have no idea how entering those terms would lead a person to my blog. But since you’re here, I want you to know this–

Potatoes make good detectives . . . because they always have their eyes peeled.

*swish*

Oh–and you shouldn’t fear them. Feel better?

Well you may want to fear that one. That one is definitely not sweet.

I’m hoping now that I’ve mentioned “do not fear potatoes” a number of times, this blog will appear higher in the results for that extremely popular search.

This is why I’m now also mentioning my second most popular search terms from yesterday: gonorrhea tonsils.

This is actually a thing, I am horrified to have found out. It is contracted by putting your mouth on something that has gonorrhea.

Like a potato? you wonder, your fear of them beginning to resurface.

No, probably not. Really, you do not need to fear potatoes.

Only in this instance:

While I may not be an expert in this particular area, my advice to you is to refrain from putting your mouth on something soaked with gonorrhea.

Most of my other search terms had to do with Fifty Shades of Grey. There was one that stuck out from the pack.

I believe this is the title of a new rom-com starring Katherine Heigl. I cannot wait to see it. I think Gerard Butler plays one of the vaginas.

If you search for 27 types of vagina, my blog comes up pretty high in the results as does an article about 8 types of vagina from a man’s perspective, which I would only recommend reading if you contracted tonsil gonorrhea from potato salad. You’re already feeling pretty bad at that point.

Dearest Reader: Speaker7 is attempting to write a post every day in November so she doesn’t have to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). This is the thirteenth post. She does not fear potatoes, but does fear gonorrhea tonsils.