Madame Weebles

The Final Countdown

Today marks the last post in the Anonymous Le Contest of Secular Holidayness.

I promise it will be worth your time to head on over to Le Clown’s blog. I think today’s post may contain dick pics and who doesn’t love dick pics.

weinerroast

For those slightly confused by the above sentences, Le Clown has been displaying anonymous posts all week. Your job is to figure out who wrote them.

Your choices are:

Those who participate have the chance of winning something pretty amazing. I don’t want to give too much away, but I have caught Hugo doing some provocative selfies in the bathroom so basically: dick pics.

Le Clown will reveal the results in a star-studded special on Dec. 24 hosted by Ryan Seacrest and a sock puppet Ryan made to look like Dick Clark. Justin Bieber will unveil his new song titled “Irrelevance” and then be thrown into a pit filled with rabid wolves. It will be truly something.

And just because I want to mention this again: dick pics.

Connect 4

The game is still afoot as Scooby Doo once said to Shaggy.

Head over to Le Clown’s Rodeo Hour to see what the blazes I’m talking about.

Since Monday, Le Clown has displayed an anonymous post and it’s up to you to guess who wrote it. Your choices are:

If you guess right, you will be entered into a drawing to win something fantastic like the chance to do my laundry for a month–but even better!

Previous posts:

The Fun Will Never End

That’s not entirely true. The fun will end this Friday, but it feels like it will never end and that’s what’s only important–feelings.

If you haven’t a clue what I’m yammering about, I’m speaking of Le Clown’s Festival of Secular. Since Monday, Le Clown has displayed an anonymous post and it’s up to you to guess who wrote it. Your choices are:

Even if you’re late to the game, you can still visit the Monday and Tuesday posts and make your guess. Any post you think is the best is the one that I wrote.

Have I mentioned the prizes? Oh, I just did. They will be something fantastic like sauna-pants fantastic.

Play today!

Shit’s Gettin Real

Wow…that’s a terrible title, but probably will help you pick my post out of the line up.

That’s right! It’s day 2 in the “Who Wrote This Post” contest over at Le Clown’s Clown Car Round-up

If you’re late to the game, you still have a shot to post a comment and guess who wrote the anonymous posts. You have the following choices:

There’s also a chance the post was written by Donald Trump or some other fictional character.

To give you a heads up, my post will not contain any Hugo reference or my standard stock photo nonsense like so:

nutsack

There are prizes! My prize is a picture of Hugo twerking on Miley Cyrus’s tongue. If that’s not incentive enough, I don’t know what is.

The Most Dangerous Game

No, not really, but I am participating in this cool “Guess Who Wrote This?” game over at Le Clown’s Clown Emporium.

Every day this week, an anonymous holiday post will run and you have to guess who wrote it. It could be Le Clown, Madame Weebles, Rarasaur, Jen of Sips of Jen and Tonic or me.

Or it could have been miraculized into being by White Baby Jesus. That’s how tricky this guessing game is.

I’m trying so hard not to give it away, but my piece has stuff in it and things too. And it’s running on a day that ends in “day.”

Fuck.

I totally just gave it away.

So please visit all week and boost up Le Clown’s stats (Dammit!!! Now I know why he did this!!!!) whilst mine continue their dive down the toilet.

I believe there are prizes. One is a $35-off coupon for a free lobotomy performed by Hugo. I realize that makes no sense, but I find it best never to question him.

Make me proud, people.

Speaker7 Attempts Some Type of Reader Giveaway Thingy

Some jerk said it is always better to give than receive.

That jerk obviously was never the recipient of a lamp with the Serenity Prayer etched into the glass. I received one of those as a high school graduation present from a boy I dated for two months, and it was not at all awkward.

People do seem to be in the giving mood. Every blog I click on seems to be giving something away to its loyal readership.

The Byronic Man and Jules of Go Jules Go have created a Christmas misery contest where the lucky recipient wins a custom-designed sheet set.

Madame Weebles gave her readers the gift of viewing her face as well as her marvelous middle finger.

Le Clown gave away his magnificent™ facial hair.

I feel I should be giving away something too, but what do have to offer?

My facial hair is paltry although I do have a single hair that grows out of my neck and possesses the wirey resilience of a pube.  Is that something people want?

goat

Okay. I can’t really make anything although I did draw the turd picture for my Turd of the Week™ segment.

Just to be clear, I am a full-grown adult.

Just to be clear, I am a full-grown adult.

I suppose I could glue this image onto a roll of toilet paper for some lucky reader.

childangel

I really have little else. I am getting my tonsils removed in a few days, but Hugo has already staked claim to them for some nefarious purposes.

Hugo…hmmm. People seem to love them some Hugo. I’ve got it!

Okay, I’m pretty famous or I create the illusion of fame by sending myself fan letters. How would you, dear reader, like to appear in this blog space in an interview conducted by me and Hugo?

hugointerview

Fantastic.

All you have to do is give a reason why you think you are worthy of a Hugo interview in the comments.

Hugodna

Hugo, no. Please don’t do that. That is completely unnecessary. Just a simple comment is fine. I will attempt to interview everyone who responds, not in the same blog post because that can get kind of lengthy, but over the course of 2013.

Remember, I used to work as a journalist so I’m pretty good. I once was assigned to cover the local Memorial Day parade and I asked such questions like “So…why did you come to the parade?”

Expect that level of professionalism.

Your interview along with a write up and link to your blog will appear on Speaker7 to the delight of the human and puppet world.

Hugo, anything to add?

hugodomination

Fun!

The deadline to respond is Dec. 17.