life coach

Life Goal Realized!

My life goal was realized today.

This is good especially since I’ve got a big birthday coming up next week, and it would have been hard to hit this age and still have this life goal ahead of me.

What is the age, you ask? None of your fucking business.

I kid, I kid.

I’m going to turn 1,000 years old next week…at least that’s how American society treats women over a certain age. I might as well be a dessicated corpe because I’m turning 40, people. The big Fuck-Oh. Luckily I still have the emotional maturity of a seventh grader and the body of a dolphin.

I didn’t think my goal realization would happen. I struggled. I cried. I ate too many potato chips.

I asked my life coach for help. Or actually I went to Oprah’s website and found this advice from a life coach who makes more money than all of us:

“You cannot feed a beagle all it wants.”

So, so true.

So I took that beagle and I turned it into lemonade, and finally…FINALLY…won a pair of ‘stache glasses from the amazing Jules of the amazing blog Go Jules Go. Jules is still without power from Hurricane Sandy, but still felt it was important enough to get my life goal in the mail.

I wanted to take a picture of myself wearing my life goal to show Jules my appreciation, but my insistence on anonymity resulted in this hot mess:

That’s me with a paper bag over my head. Here’s the thing with a paper bag on your head.  You can’t see. And it’s hot. And you feel stupid. And you can’t operate a camera so well.

I thought maybe I could draw how awesome I looked.

But it just made me look like I had boots for a nose. And I was missing part of my arm.

I sought out a better model. We obviously know what picture is next:

I tucked Jules business card into his crop top so their lips were almost touching. I did this because I know Jules is planning on Hugo being her second husband.

My husband came home from work and upon viewing my lame attempts, took this picture of me. I think the ‘stache glasses really bring out my eyes.

But did you know that like a beagle, you cannot feed a blogger all she wants? It turns out I want more…another life goal, if you will. I can’t just rest on my laurels. I can’t be a shark who stops moving and sinks to the bottom only to be eaten by a raveonous beagle.

So Life Goal II: Electric Boogaloo commences.

Do you know of a shy wallflower blogger of the name Le Clown? Well, he has a brand spanking new page up on his blog called “Press Releases,” which highlights posts written about his Le Magnificence™.

I want to be on Le Clown’s Press Releases Page.

And after that accomplishment, I want to watch TV.

Dearest Reader: Speaker7 is attempting to write a post every day in November so she doesn’t have to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). This is the tenth post. She is questioning the wisdom of this endeavor, but looks really cool doing so because she is wearing ‘stache glasses.