election fraud

Block the Vote!

Today is the day to cast your hard-won right-to-vote vote. 

Okay that sounded really clunky and I was going for inspiring. You have to cut me some slack since I’m attempting to post daily when I have little to say. In fact I thought the expression was “catch me some slack.”

So some of you voting voters may have the pleasure of encountering what is known as election thugs monitors, people who will hang around and make sure you actually have the right to cast your hard-won right-to-vote vote and are not a fraud.

For your edification, this is what a non-fraud voter looks like:

Or this:

And this as well:

If you look like any of these non-fraud voters, you’re golden.

But what if you don’t resemble these three American archetypes?

Well you may be in for a bit of challenging day especially if you happen to live in one of three states that decide the presidential election.

Is voter fraud really so rampant to require such a response as thousands of monitors? Actually no. If you read the article in the link, you would see that more Americans were charged with violating migratory-bird statutes then with committing election fraud.

But here’s the issue, if we let everybody vote, it may put one particular candidate at a disadvantage by leaving him with less votes.

And is that fair to him?

Well…yes.

So I figured I better quickly devise some methods to help you get around these helpful watchers to ensure your ballot is cast:

  • Wear this T-shirt:

  • Put a pumpkin over your head–make sure you have something like a rat’s nest or a tangle of fried onions on top of it–and try to pass yourself off as Donald Trump. You will see that everyone will give a wide berth.
  • Upon approach, immediately start dry-heaving. People do not dig vomit even if it is fraud vomit.
  • Same goes for peeing of the pants. It makes people uncomfortable to talk to someone who has urine actively traveling down one’s leg.
  • Carry a slop bucket and a mop under the guise you’re just there to clean the polling place.
  • Since Republicans seem interested in making all uteri property of the government, ask a poll watcher if he’d be willing to hold onto yours to make sure it doesn’t get into any trouble while you go vote.
  • Use your vote to remove those from power who tacitly (and not so tacitly) support such unbelieveable anti-democratic measures.

Yes, I’m talking to you John Husted and Rick Scott.

Dearest Reader: Speaker7 is attempting to write a post every day in November so she doesn’t have to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). This is the sixth post. Depending on how today goes, tomorrow’s post may be a primordial scream.