Tag Archives: chris harrison

Speaker7′s Journey

Posted on May 21, 2013 by

So it begins again, dear reader. On May 27th, ABC will roll out its stained red carpet and gas up its dirty limo for another installment of The Bachelorette or what I like to call The Loss of Hope. This season’s “star” … Continue reading →

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Well Fuck.

Posted on March 12, 2013 by

The Bachelor season finale is tonight, and it’s three motherfucking hours long. There is no possible way I will make it through. Let’s just assume Bland gave some dame a promise ring and will be unpromised-ringed in two months, and … Continue reading →

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The Boredom Continues: The Women Tell All

Posted on March 5, 2013 by

I missed the first 20 minutes. I was reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear to my son. It is infinitely more fascinating. Do you know that a red bird sees a fucking yellow duck!?! Okay so I’m assuming the rejected Bachelor … Continue reading →

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Bland Tells All: A Very Special Edition of The Bachelor

Posted on February 20, 2013 by

Brace your fucking selves right now. I’m serious. This is going to stun your goddamn faces off. Bland is in The Bachelor hizzouse getting ready to unload the contents of his meat brain to the very dyslexic Chris Harrison. I’m … Continue reading →

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A Pad of Extinction

Posted on September 15, 2012 by

So Bachelor Pad 3 ended recently. The winner was this guy: He is the love child of the weird creepy guy from Poltergeist II. And fire marshall Bill: Other stuff led up to this moment, which host Chris Harrison called … Continue reading →

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A Pad of Sad

Posted on September 9, 2012 by

Holy chlamydia! Tomorrow we will discover which couple wins Bachelor Pad 3, but can one ever really be a winner on Bachelor Pad? (Answer: no) I’ve realized I’ve shirked my responsibility of offering up a timely recrap of the previous episode … Continue reading →

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A Pad of Illiterates

Posted on August 28, 2012 by

Only two more episodes left, Bachelor Pad 3 fans. Can I call you that? It seems like only yesterday 400 or so contestants were drinking and releasing fluids into the pool. And now only 10 contestants remain to imbibe and frolic in … Continue reading →

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A Pad of Ass

Posted on August 22, 2012 by

Chris B. is feeling down, you guys. His Bachelor Pad besties have betrayed him. The woman he would alternately make out with or ignore has been voted off. His ex-partner Blakely has been saved and Chris hates her stupid face. He … Continue reading →

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A Pad of Deceit

Posted on August 16, 2012 by

There is some serious lying happening this week on the ol’ pad of bachelor. Ed can’t wrap his drunk brain around it. Host Chris Harrison interrupts the binge drinking with instructions to the remaining 14 love-seekers that they must fill … Continue reading →

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A Pad of Sludge

Posted on August 7, 2012 by

So, so much crying on this episode of Bachelor Pad 3. Some of it being done by me, most of it being done by contestants–ah sweet, sweet alcohol, you do bring out the best in people. This was not my … Continue reading →

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