bowels

Oh Snap! I Gave Myself Hernia Laughing at This Post

You know reading the New York Times takes up time I could be spending on raising money for widowed orphans.

But that is the price I pay to be informed and what I became informed about today is the phenomenon of the humblebrag. Apparently people get on the twit network to broadcast their awesomeness by trying not to sound too, too awesome.

That is awesome.

It is something I want to learn to do because I want people to revel in my awesomeness, but not think I’m a self-absorbed dickhead.

Luckily there are several examples gathered by writer Harris Whittels on his Twitter feed.  I will present the original tweet and my practice run at the humblebrag. I only spent, like, 30 seconds on this so, you know, it might not be any good. It’s hard to work on humblebrags when so much of your emotional energy is spent thinking about endangered stink beetles #savethestink.

A pretty awesome humblebrag is the one where you point out how beautiful you are by tweeting “can you believe people think I’m beautiful? I’m wearing a raincoat for god’s sake!”

Like so:

toopretty

So, so crazy, right? Like, do these men have their eyes in backwards?

Here’s mine:

brucevilanch

In a similar vein is the “It’s really difficult to be skinny” humblebrag:

toothin

Seriously, when will that happen? I know Bethenny Frankel’s gravatar is her cover photo from Health magazine, but when will the media appreciate her for being famous for no reason?

Here’s my take:

nosehairs

Another popular humblebrag is the one where you point out your hanging with the popular kids in high school.

kidrock

Aw, Lance…from doing dope to hanging out with a dope. When will the hurtin’ end?

turd

Then there’s the humblebrag where you marvel at your life while name-dropping the shit out of something.

anglee

Oh wow. Do you work as a limo driver or something? Because that shit is cool.

nigerianprince

Then there’s the humblebrag where you feign amazement about your work.

wordsmoveme

Was it strange, Ben? I have strange feelings when I read my stuff too:

bowelmovement

Or you feign amazement about your general awesomeness:

flirtmaster

Are you flirting with me right now? It kind of feels like you are. And you are really good at it ;).

alphabetburp

Then there’s the humblebrag where you try to pretend you’re just a regular joe. Stars are just like us, you guys! Calm the fuck down.

flyregularstyle

I would totally be freaked out too if I had any idea who you are. It’s so weird when the nonspecials get so amazed by the specials, amirite?

metamucil

I think I might have the hang of this. Or maybe not.

It’s hard to get the hang of something new when you spend so much time bringing such happiness to the wordpress community.

But that’s just me, I’m selfless like that.

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If you liked this, and are looking to move your bowels, check out this post:

Forever Immobolized in Fleece