The Famous Ride of Rush Revere

Great news, everybody!

America’s favorite anal fissure is writing books for children.

rushrevere

Rush was inspired to write the book “to correct the historical record as it’s been distorted in the public school system.”

I get where Rush is coming from. I can imagine it’s very difficult to be a rich, white, heterosexual man in America–never seeing yourself reflected in the top leadership positions, never having your story heard in the history books, feeling marginalized by a lack of opportunities.

It is time for the real history to be heard and who better to tell it than the man who said “when women got the right to vote is when it all went downhill”?

Preach!

The basic premise of the book is Rush plays some heroic middle school substitute teacher who can go back in time with the help of oxycontin a talking horse. Of course, Rush would be a substitute rather than a souless public school teaching leech latched onto the public teat and beholden to the Evil Union Overlords.

Along the way, he attempts to score various opiates and boner-drugs from those time periods–oh and celebrate America’s exceptionalism.

The book was already Amazon bestseller before it was even released, prompting Rush to write more tomes for the kiddies.

Seeing how Rush views a big portion of the population–women, gays, African-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, all minorities, progressive thinkers, non-Dittoheads–I’m sure his view of history is likely the correct one, like when he said the NAACP “should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.”

Amazingly enough, I was able to obtain some galleys from his upcoming books.

Rush Revere Visits the Founding Fathers

foundingfathers

foundfathers2

Rush Revere Visits the Slave Plantation

slaveplantationRush Revere Visits Women Suffragists

womenrights

Rush Revere Visits Ronald Reagan

ronaldreagan

Nearly there, nearly there. Only a few days left in this hellish landscape known as NaBloWriMo. Speaker7 continues to plug away as a member of The Nano Poblano Team.

About these ads

33 comments

  1. Now, if you weren’t doing this and I wasn’t making it my mission to comment on every one of your Nano ninos, (I figure if you can write ‘em, I can read ‘em), I would have missed all these important historical facts that were not included in my learning process.

  2. I have just fallen out of my chair. Lousy Monday just went great. Love that “critical” thinking. Throw in a little “Mr. Ed”–Revere’s ride–a talking horse, of course. Put Ted Cruz on a cruiser–how about a Disneyland boat. What about climate change? “It’s raining men.” Dig those Weather Girls–the original artistes on that one. I wonder if they will burn the record in Alabama. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wc7rBVUIHUg

  3. And yet, as you pointed out, it is, inexplicably, a best seller. There’s a huge audience for this stuff. How did we all get so far apart? There’s only one Rush in my life. They had a hit with Tom Sawyer and sounded great through a haze of marijuana smoke.

    Home stretch! When do you think your first post will appear in December? Are you taking time off to decompress or are you a speeding locomotive that can’t be stopped?

  4. I laughed and then I cried. Children’s stories. Is nothing sacred? I can’t wait till we hear about how the Native Americans were so happy the white people came and set them straight about their silly savage ways and how Manifest Destiny was the best thing for all!

  5. I read about that book a few weeks ago, but didn’t think I could do it justice. You, Speaker7, are the master, errr, mistress, errrr, I am your slave. Or something.

  6. This is just too funny! Wait! You didn’t make room for Ted Cruz? Oops, you can’t. He’s Canadian so he wouldn’t be in these scenes anyway. Then maybe Santorum then. And Palin can be a hacienda madam or something.

  7. You may (or may not) be happy to know that it is a big world outside America and some of us who live in it read your blog – and love it – havn’t got a fri**king clue as to who Rush Limbauch is.
    Paul Revere rings a bell – well wasn’t he the chappie who rode through the night telling everyone the British were Coming etc? Anyway Rush Thingamebob is obviously a clown, people who buy his books are doolally, and even though I may be an ignorant foreigner I can’t believe anyone in the USA takes him seriously. Correct me if I’m wrong.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s