Love is Dead

I don’t know if you heard, but child bride Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchinson broke up.

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See? I can’t even write I’m so upset. . . and that’s not because I’m having difficulty coming up with things to write about.

When that 50+ actor, best known for playing a liver-eating serial killer on the X-Files, married that 16-year-old, best known for humping Santa Claus and pumpkins, it seemed they would be the “celebrity” couple who would defy the odds and make it.

Alas, Courtney called it quits when her bizarre behavior in public with Doug did not warrant enough attention to earn her a reality show because she wanted to explore her independence.

Get ready for a bizarro inappropriate flag photoshoot.

Wait, that already happened.

independentcourtneyIf you don’t mind, I’d like to take a walk down memory lane and remember the golden times of Dourntey Stutchinden:

lasvegaswedding

Their beautiful Las Vegas Wedding

The time they humped in a pumpkin patch.

The time they humped in a pumpkin patch.

The time they ruined Christmas.

The time they ruined Christmas.

The time they ruined Halloween.

The time they ruined Halloween.

The time they ruined the ocean.

The time they ruined the ocean.

The time they ruined eating.

The time they ruined eating.

Love is dead, people.

Speaker7 was spreadeagled on a car typing this with her boobs. It was very “sexy” which is a word that no longer has any meaning thanks to Dourtney Stutchinden.

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45 comments

  1. So not knowing of the existence of these two until just now, I have to make the following observations. In the picture with the flag, she looks 35 minimum. She looks at least mid-20s in all the rest. This I could attribute to her mother mistaking a tanning bed for an incubator and the girl never getting out, possibly. But observation number two is that in the picture where they ruined the ocean, there is some badly Photoshopped cellulite and/or stretch mark action happening.

    Thus concludes the ten minutes I spend every two or three years on crap like this. I am now retreating back to 1933.

    1. You may be right about the tanning bed. I will be interested to see what she looks like when she really does become 35 in 16 years. And by interested I mean I will be joining you in 1933.

  2. I confess, I had no knowledge of these “people”. The term is used loosely as he appears to be more of a prop to keep her from falling over and she does seem to be made of some kind of plastic that is much older than 16. Based on this I will have to agree love is, indeed, dead.

  3. As a foreigner venturing into alien territory, I am concerned that I have never heard of these people. Should I be anxious, are they dangerous? By all accounts they seem to be ruining a great many things. Do Americans really care who they are and what happens to them? Is there an international police warning about them?

      1. “Old Europe” is a term that was first used by then-U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld in January 2003 to refer to European countries that did not support the 2003 invasion of Iraq, specifically France and Germany.

  4. I was more surprised he didn’t end it. She looks like she’s actually an appropriate age for him now, so besides love and happiness, what’s the point?

  5. You’re saying that he didn’t marry her for her crumb of a mind and she didn’t marry him for his crumb of wisdom. In theory, one would think that these two crummy attention whores would be a lifelong match. Now, apart they’re just two stale crumbs, so all pointless attention can revert back to those age-appropriate airheads, Kimye. Personally, I prefer my crumbs from dessert. I’d rather marry a doughnut than these types. At least a doughnut has something to offer me intellectually.

  6. I feel like my eyeballs are melting. I scanned by the food picture really quickly because I was afraid the stream of spaghetti was coming out of his mouth, since she had the baby bird pose going on– I’ve never been so grateful to see a fork in all my life. :)

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