I have a new post up at The Official How To Blog, which is the most official how to blog on the Internet.
You can read it here.
Aw…don’t cry…sshhh…sshhh…it’s okay. I’m still going to be Speaker7. In fact, I plan to watch the ladies from The Bachelor vocal fry at one another while I bury a corkscrew into my temple, and recrap it all for you tomorrow. It will be…um…
Is pfftttt the right word? Possibly.
This new venture o’ mine is a chance to impart knowledge–albeit possibly bad knowledge–to the world. And if you have a little whatsit whatsit to share, consider writing for The Official How To Blog. You can put it on your resume and people will be like “Shit. This person is, like, super official and shit.”
There might even be an “I blogged for The Official How To Blog and All I Got Was This Stupid Piece of Shit Badge” badge. It will be…um…
Is pfftttt the right word?
I think gglllhhh might be a bit more concise.
I knew I could count on you to come up with the perfect word.
OOOOH! I want to impart my knowledge, too! I am a wealth of information. I know exactly how many times a blogger can mention their kids’ poop without losing all their followers.
I think it’s like a requirement to mention your kid’s poop two to three times a week if you have a mommy blog. I might be wrong.
I am not a mommy blog. But I write about poop. Now I’m having an identity crisis. Pledging less poop going forward.
I’ve probably written about poop too. I doubt there’s much I haven’t written about after covering those books.
I write about crap and poop but never shit. Not because I’m opposed to shit. It’s just not the right fit for the crap I write about.
I just assume that all my readers want to hear about poop. Fellow parents will be able to nod their heads in recognition/sympathy and non-parents will assume that because I deal with poop I am miserable, and that makes them happy.
Becoming cliche,
I would be ecstatic if you wrote a post for TOHTB. It could be about anything poop-related or nonpoop-related
email me what you’re looking for and any guidelines at zooheatheroneatgeemaildotcom
And I do like the word “official. “It’s so official.
The only plugs I know about are buttplugs.
Alice,
Would you be interested in writing a how to post about butt plugs? Or how to read 50 shades without removing one’s brain? Let me know.
Speaker7
50 Shades of buttplugs – I will bring all the freaks to your new blog, so it can be just like the other blog.
I checked it out. Glad you brought your sense of humor over as well.
It’s surprisingly transportable. It fits neatly into an anchovy tin.
Can’t wait for the vocal fry. Maybe a hammer will be applied to some brains on the show?
I cannnnnnn’ttteerrrr waiiiittttttttteeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr toooooooooogrrrrrrrrr.
Hilarious. I now read those posts out loud to my partner like a poetry reading.
My throat is always sore when I am done.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAwwwwesome. I wanna share my knowledge too! On… on… how to be a pain the ass maybe? How to figure out whether you’re an incurable Extrovert? Uhmm… how to be foreigner in London?
I would only do it for the badge, though.
I have so much knowledge, so much to give. I know how to flip the bird with my long monkey toes? I know how to make a peanut butter sandwich? I know how to get cat vomit out of white rugs?
Let me know how I can help.