Top 10 Films of 2012

In case you were unaware, 2012 will end in a few days.

This means you will see a flurry of articles that try to distinguish the cream from the curd of 2012. I received an email from Twitter alerting me to the top tweets of 2012, and I actually took moments from my life to look at it.

FYI – this was the top tweet:

donaldtrump

I wanted to add to the noise with my own 2012 wrap up, starting with the top 10 movies of the year*.

*Full disclosure: I have only seen three movies this year, and two of them were made in 2011. Ever since the baby, I have had trouble making the kind of time commitment a movie demands. The most I can give is an hour, and wine needs to be involved.

1. The Hunger Games

hungergames

I actually saw this in the movie theater, and it was made this year so obviously it makes the list. I wanted to see this because I enjoyed the novels. It was okay. I actually felt bored when Katniss was in the arena, and hearing the young audience laugh when people were slaughtered made me feel all squicky.

2. Friends with Kids

friends_with_kids_new_poster

This made the list because I saw it in 2012. It was made in 2011. And it sucked. It starred people I like, but it sucked a giant suckball. All the characters were loathsome. This should have been better and it made me angry that I wasted time that could have been spent watching an Original Lifetime Movie.

3. Cabin in the Woods

cabininthewoods

My husband had to actually remind me that we saw this. It was made in 2011. I think it was good even though I don’t remember it. But Joss Whedon, folks. Joss Whedon. I’m in the midst of rewatching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, seasons 1-7.

4. Drew Peterson–Untouchable

drewpeterson

I understand this a Lifetime movie, but it makes my list because I saw it, and it had this:

untouchable12

That is Rob Lowe as Drew Peterson doing a strip tease before his arresting officers. And then the movie just ends. He’s twirling around singing a little va-va-vavoom ditty and boom, closing credits. That is genius.

5. Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion Show

realhousewives

This is not a movie, but let me tell you, I was riveted and could have watched these “ladies” for hours. They would call each other fu-bleep cu-bleep and then embrace and cuddle and then go back to “you fu-bleep cu-bleep.” I would not recommend the show itself, but the reunion show was houswivatastic.

6-10. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter red carpet Commercial

butternot

This is not a movie, but it is the heartwarming tale of a tub of solidifed vegetable oil that finally makes it to the big time. The paparazzi is demanding it turn itself around to see the label, and when it does, the paparazzi becomes en masse “a believer.” I know this sounds somewhat artsy, but give this is a shot.

Next up: Top 10 top 10 lists.

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58 comments

      1. Yeah, that’s such a shame. Adam Scott is great, and the other lady has potential…maybe. I think she’s the one that wrote the screenplay…so hopefully her writing will get better.

  1. What was Rob Lowe thinking? He’s a hit on Parks and Rec, why WHY did he make that movie? Next he’s going to do Marilyn Monroe/Kennedy Brothers story with Lindsay Lohan. Any Housewives show is fascinating, their faces alone, their bizarrely large mouths it’s all good.

  2. This is genius! When I saw the title of this post, all I could think was “Oh great, someone telling me how great the movies I haven’t seen are…” Glad I kept reading.

    This year, I saw Pitch Perfect, Argo (last night), and The Five Year Engagement (on cable). So… I hope all of those win Golden Globes.

  3. I haven’t seen any of these movies, but I do want to see Rob Lowe’s striptease.

    I was looking through Time Magazine’s “Best of Shit” article. I didn’t know any of the people mentioned, the movies listed, the TV shows watched, the pop singles released or anything else.

    But I am sure, Speaker7, that had they done the best bloggers — you’d have been there. And at last I would know somebody.

  4. Had not heard of Friends with Kids and wouldn’t blame you for watching it since it has a stellar lineup of actors. But why is it whenever I see a movie box or poster that features an overlapping cascade of 6 to 8 high profile actors’ cut-out photos and that they appear to be talking to one another (read: deep discussion, a real grown up film here!) that I just know the movie will suck? I remember a really bad one in the 90s starring Jon Stewart, among others.

    The Donald, turds and hairpiece in the same post? Is this my Christmas present?!

    1. Of course this was my present to you. If I could have found some way to incorporate the wad of paper covered in Donald Trump’s hairpiece it would have been a birthday/Christmas present for the next decade.

  5. I think The NY Times editor will be calling you for more reviews. And I have to agree, ‘Friends with Kids’ was weird. Jon Hamm’s character was a real skumbag. In fact, Donald Trump could have played him, but then we would have been forced to look at The Donald. Eye candy he is not.

  6. I saw Spiderman. It was okay. I think it was made in 2012–I’m not sure because I downloaded it from the interwebs and it had Toby McGuire in it and some girl, so, I may be wrong.

  7. Speaker7, you are like the Midas of the blogosphere. Ever post you publish is pure gold. You were spot on with 6-10. That commercial was so bad ass it deserved 4 spots in the top 10.

  8. Great post S7, like usual. I’m trying to remember what movies I saw and the only one that comes to mind is Breaking Dawn (last movie of the Twilight Series and strangely not on your list).

  9. Thankfully, the only thing I saw was a bit of the Housewives, just this morning in fact. All I remember is Teresa Guidice’s head started to spin around, and the gates of hell were opened as she was about to bitch slap the other housewife. Then Andy Cohen started to hyperventilate so I couldn’t watch any more..

  10. You saw THREE movies! And blogged too! Holy shit.
    When I was in college, my sister and I went to the movies three time a week. That’s 156 movies a year. Until I ran the math I didn’t even think they made 156 movies a year. Then that got whittled down when she had kids. And further whittled when I got married due to my husband’s irritating snore.
    And now I blog.
    This year I went to the movies exactly ZERO times.
    But I saw a movie on Netflix. It was “Beyond The Sea” – the curious biography of Bobby Darin, as played by Kevin Spacey who’s older than Bobby ever lived to. It was made in 2004.

  11. Oooohhhhh, I saw that Friends with Kids movie. It was a “mommy matinee,” meaning you can bring your kids and watch a crappy movie and all cry together because this is what your life has been reduced to…for just $3.

    AND I saw the Hunger Games too. I went to a really late show, all by myself, after the kids were in bed. LIVING IT UP!

    Go motherhood!

      1. Ha! I just took my little guy, who was about 18 months at the time. He kept trying to run out the doors…
        He’s pretty smart already.

  12. This is without doubt the most accurate top10 list ever made… Respect due :)
    I saw 837 movies this year. It was last night as I walked through the video store.
    I don’t feel I missed anything by not renting any of them :D

  13. I almost never watch movies in the theater. It’s expensive and there are people around. I don’t like people. They’re annoying and make noise and sit near you and crap. I did watch Hunger Games on rental. And . . . did that latest Harry Potter come out this year? Cause my husband dragged me to that one in the theater. I don’t remember it. Oh, shit, and I watched Twilight again so that I could trash it. But I don’t think that counts as a movie. I can’t believe it’s not butter commercial was better written and definitely better acted.

    1. Harry Potter came out last year. I know this because that was the one movie I saw in the theater last year.
      And you are correct, Twilight does not count in the same way Fifty Shades does not count as reading a book.

  14. While your list is commendable, I am a HUGE Batman fanatic in case you couldn’t tell…so of course I nominate The Dark Knight Rises as one of the top 2012 movies! :) I dressed up in full costume and watched the trilogy with a bunch of other super excited fans. Let me tell you, watching Batman movies starting at 6pm until 3am the next day is super tiring but worthwhile :P

  15. I’m really not sure what year it came out, but as a favor to my wife, I sat through “Magic Mike” on DVD the other night. I don’t think it made anyone’s list for anything ever, except things to avoid unless you’re that obsessed with Channing Tatum.

    If female strippers were that vaccuous and annoying, I’d have to stop going to strip clubs and just stay home watching Golden Girls reruns…and drinking….drinking so much more than I should.

    In the spirit of full disclosure, I do not frequent strip clubs, as I find their over-priced beverages ruin the whole experience for me.

    Oh yeah, nice list.

    1. I don’t get the Taint Chatum thing. I don’t even remember what his name is after reading your comment. I don’t think it’s what I wrote, but I’m too lazy to go back.

      1. I’m with you on he whole Tanning Chitstain thing. I couldn’t even pick out which one he was. My wife said, “You dummy, he’s the cute one in the assless chaps!” To which I replied, “But honey, they’re all wearing assless chaps!”

        I’d comment more, but I see you’ve posted again, so I’ll go read that and then comment there.

  16. You topped me with Movies you saw…I saw “The Hunger Games” – the books, I loved (I’m a sucker for good Dystopia)…the movie game me a headache. I even saw it the first day out (first time doing that EVER) but it was the old-lady 3PM showing…and we still had to sit up front….I think the camera guy had a serious addiction to No-Doz pills and shook a lot….

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