You know reading the New York Times takes up time I could be spending on raising money for widowed orphans.
But that is the price I pay to be informed and what I became informed about today is the phenomenon of the humblebrag. Apparently people get on the twit network to broadcast their awesomeness by trying not to sound too, too awesome.
That is awesome.
It is something I want to learn to do because I want people to revel in my awesomeness, but not think I’m a self-absorbed dickhead.
Luckily there are several examples gathered by writer Harris Whittels on his Twitter feed. I will present the original tweet and my practice run at the humblebrag. I only spent, like, 30 seconds on this so, you know, it might not be any good. It’s hard to work on humblebrags when so much of your emotional energy is spent thinking about endangered stink beetles #savethestink.
A pretty awesome humblebrag is the one where you point out how beautiful you are by tweeting “can you believe people think I’m beautiful? I’m wearing a raincoat for god’s sake!”
Like so:
So, so crazy, right? Like, do these men have their eyes in backwards?
Here’s mine:
In a similar vein is the “It’s really difficult to be skinny” humblebrag:
Seriously, when will that happen? I know Bethenny Frankel’s gravatar is her cover photo from Health magazine, but when will the media appreciate her for being famous for no reason?
Here’s my take:
Another popular humblebrag is the one where you point out your hanging with the popular kids in high school.
Aw, Lance…from doing dope to hanging out with a dope. When will the hurtin’ end?
Then there’s the humblebrag where you marvel at your life while name-dropping the shit out of something.
Oh wow. Do you work as a limo driver or something? Because that shit is cool.
Then there’s the humblebrag where you feign amazement about your work.
Was it strange, Ben? I have strange feelings when I read my stuff too:
Or you feign amazement about your general awesomeness:
Are you flirting with me right now? It kind of feels like you are. And you are really good at it ;).
Then there’s the humblebrag where you try to pretend you’re just a regular joe. Stars are just like us, you guys! Calm the fuck down.
I would totally be freaked out too if I had any idea who you are. It’s so weird when the nonspecials get so amazed by the specials, amirite?
I think I might have the hang of this. Or maybe not.
It’s hard to get the hang of something new when you spend so much time bringing such happiness to the wordpress community.
But that’s just me, I’m selfless like that.
________________________________________________________________
If you liked this, and are looking to move your bowels, check out this post:
Speaker7 
Hilarious! I do love Twitter, but I mostly follow people who talk about coffee. I haven’t seen many “humblebrags”, but I’d say you’ve got them down. I especially the one about the guy who I have no idea who he is, but he obviously assumes he’s a celebrity. Makes me think of “Dancing with the Stars”, or as I like to call it “Dancing with a bunch of people I’ve never heard of.” I haven’t ever actually watched it because I’ve seen Strictly Ballroom enough times to know how it ends, but I’d love to read your take on it. It’s always good to start the day with a laugh. That’s why I read my own Tweets, Bob Saget style. (My first humblebrag. I’ll keep working on it.)
That’s a pretty good first attempt. Maybe add on a “Weird, huh?” to show more faux humility.
I have read posts like this but did not know they had a name. It sums it up pretty good, “humblebrag”. You seem to have become an expert at it quite quickly. Nice!
I don’t like to brag, but I can humblebrag like the best humblebraggart that doesn’t like to brag.
As a woman over the age of 50, I value who I am over what I look like. So it’s annoying when guys keep telling me how hot I am.
I know the feeling. I’m like “Guys, I am person” and they’re like “You are so beautiful when you say that.” Weird.
Great post. I’d say something more, but I always feel uncomfortable when people tell me my comments are funnier than the original post.
*Applause*
Yes, that was amazing.
I am no good at humblebrag. I’m just so naturally humble that I can’t brag, even when I try. Pshaw.
I know. It causes me so much pain to acknowledge how great I am.
“I’m just laughing at Speaker7’s post and people are like, ‘You’re laughter is like the sound of angels showering me with gold and chocolate,’ and I’m like why can’t people just let me LOL in peace!”
*Your* (dammit!)
Seriously. It’s like how I’m just sitting there and inevitably someone asks if they can make a statue of my face. And I’m “Another one? Isn’t 50 enough?” Apparently not. #toomanystatuesofmyfaceproblems
That comment was a bust.
This post is Speaker7 gold. Try not to humble brag about it, ‘kay?!
Oh this post is okay. I mean I barely wore make up while writing it and i was wearing sweatpants and guys were all like “Whoa that’s a hot post!” Weird.
Too funny.
Love this. I reminds me of a post that I did that had me cracking up laughing.
Thank you. It so nice when people recognize other people for being the comic geniuses they are.
I always needed a term for what I do all the time. Thanks for reminding me what a humble genius I am.
You are a world-class dolt-nailer.
That is the best compliment I have ever received and gallagher once told me he’d like to smash my melons.
Wow, I’ve one-upped Gallagher with you!
Sometimes I’m like totally amazed at how many followers I have. I mean, afterall, I’m writing about everyday average stuff, no biggie, right. 😀
I hear ya! I’m just a regular gal sitting in front of a laptop, why do people keep insisting I’m some Messiah figure? #lifeishard
EEeerrgh… I’m not on Twitter… but I know I have to be… it’s calling to me like the dark side of The Force… this post doesn’t help…
I was an avid twit until I got too many followers and I had to concentrate more on my family*
(*all above is a lie, but a somewhat effective humblebrag)
I love it when people tell me how funny my comments are. I was really just trying to leave a sincere compliment on how well the article was written.
This funny comment reminds me of the funny comments I leave on other blogs where people are like “wow, you’re funny” and I’m like, “hey I’m just living.”
Right? It’s so tough to stay modest, but it’s a struggle sometimes.
It is soooooo hard. #thingsthataresohardnottobemisconstruedwithpeen
I can’t leave humblebrag posts because I’m too humble to brag about the humbleness that is me.
I admire that quality in you because it reminds me of myself.
I was just reading this post thinking it’s so great when I can put aside my ego and genuinely applaud a fellow blogger’s sense of humor.
Oh my god, I was just saying the same thing to Tina Fey when I saw her on my television set and I started to talk to it.
Fuck that was funny S7…and I’m amazed that I had time to read it between writing my second novel and second erotica anthology and being out until 2 am drinking and doing blow with Kid Rock.
Where do you find the time, Wendy? You are almost as busy as I am. I can barely fit in a pilates workout with Gwyneth Paltrow.
Personally, I prefer yoga with Brangelina. Our adopted children play with theirs and my prize winning poodle just loves Brad…she’s got good taste!
This was funny! I love your humblebrags much better then any others. haha! Now I have to go practice mine. You inspired me! 🙂
You have my permission to use the alphabet burp one since that is pretty classy and something one should brag about.
Thank you, you are too, umm kind! yes that’s it, you are too kind!
Jackie,
I am all class. You should know that from reading my super insightful posts. I mean that’s what Deepak Chopra says about them. I’m just quoting.
You’re so fabulous! I can’t understand why your blog doesn’t have as many followers as my little blog. You are every bit as good.
Oh my god, Nancy. That’s so nice! You are the best. You almost remind me of my best friend Meryl Streep.
She spoke almost as highly of you at breakfast yesterday.
I love you, Speaker7. I’m so happy to still find time to read other blogs in between editing my award-winning one.
(how did I do?)
That was good. You might want to add something like “Success is tiring :(“
What a great post. And you even tweeted about moving your bowels. Well done. I’m off to retweet this, so please don’t mock me in a tweet…
I would never mock someone who mentions my bowel movements in a comment.
Makes sense.
Haha this was hilarious! I loved your examples you came up with.
The source material I had at my disposal was very inspiring.
The one about the prince of Nigeria is a killer.
He is a super good friend of mine. And when a super good friend of mine is in trouble, I have to help. That’s how I am. I can’t help what a super good friend I am. #mysacrifices
See! I told you Twitter would be a good fit for you! Oops that’s not really the point of this post, is it? #Humblebrag
P.S. I’m pretty sure I just figured out why Lance and Kid are friends…
Dope, right?
What? No. It’s so they can name-drop. What do you want to bet they’re also both friends with Matthew McConnaughey? Or is that not really worth bragging about? Never mind.
Only if they’re all shirtless…well not Kid Rock because….ew.
Cackled out loud at the alphabet one. The humble brag is the best/worst.
I would write more, but there are way too many comments in my inbox right now. I only have ten fingers people!
I seriously know what you mean. I’m like “guys, I have other things to do than respond to your millions of fan letters.” #Lovemymillionsoffans
Omg, so funny! Definitely was in stitches – and it’s so hard to believe that all the guys kept commenting about it! I mean, when I was on the phone with Brad Pitt and I told him that it was stitches or a cast, the cast just wasn’t worth it!
Brad is so droll. I love talking to him on the phone.
I can’t believe that people think I am cool for turning down Kid Rock for Speaker7. Cuz I’m not. Ok, I am.
Thanks so much for hanging in my crew. Me and Biz Markie are way funner.
I haven’t been on Twitter much, but I see humblebrags on Facebook all the damned time. I think that’s what Facebook should be renamed, actually. I would have left this comment sooner, but I had to go to a photoshoot (work photos – I am so in demand) and I didn’t have a stitch of makeup on. This combined with recently having had stomach flu made me so HOT I’m surprised the photographer could stand it.
Oh, crap, there’s WordPress begging me to let them press me. I am above such things, I mean, gawd. They are SO annoying.
Oh my god Alice!!! That must have been so tough. Your strength reminds me of my really strong strength that people are always saying is really strong.
You are so modest! Anyone who can burp the whole alphabet needs to have their name in lights.
Oh I don’t need my name up in lights yet again. It gets soooooo tiring.
True enough. The glare is hard on the retinas.
I read that article too, but I couldn’t come up with good enough material to use it in a post. Just as well, since this post would have put it to shame anyway. I don’t see a lot of humblebragging but that’s probably because I don’t follow douchebags.
I want to start a whole new concept: douchebragging. I don’t know how to define it, but I know it when I see it.
I’d like to submit a contender for douchebragging: I overheard these two guys talking the other day, and one said, “Dude, I can’t believe you walked in on me getting head last night.” If you had seen this guy, you’d wonder how he got anyone to shake his hand, much less blow him. Also, who says “getting head” anyway??
I’m, like, in love with that guy.
This, right here, prompted me to reblog your post. You are genius.
How about a humbledouchebrag? “Man, I can’t believe I let my third girlfriend find out about the other two, by texting to the wrong number. I’m such a fumble-fingers.”
I made a bad decision reading this when I had to pee. Seriously almost peed laughing. hahaha I really don’t want to meet any of those people in real life. I do, however, want #savethestink to trend because it would make my life.
How does that happen because I’m soooo into the endangered stink beetles and people are like “Speaker7 where do you find all this energy to save the world?” And I say “Hey I’m just being me and I’m all about saving the stink” #savethestink
Why is it I can think of hundreds of really clever remarks, but I can’t come up with one little humblebrag when I need to?
Oh.
Classic.
Excellent HumbleBrags S7 – I love that we can be so funny without really trying.
(HumbleBrag and KudosSteal, even a little ‘Pretendfriend’, all in one. I mean, I don’t know where it comes from, all this brilliance, it’s a curse…)
It is a burden you must carry. I should know…because I’m so fucking successful.
I must say that all these magnificent (I hope Le Clown isn’t reading this) tweets have prompted me to follow you on Twitter! Hopefully one day I can humblebrag and drop your name in one of my tweets as well 😛
Just to warn you, my tweets are really profound. Some people can’t handle their deepness because they’re, like, super deep and stuff. Oh, and I also never tweet. It’s a lot to handle I know #feelmypain.
Super deep as in Batcave super dark deep deepness? Awesome.
I check in a lot on Yelp and that gets tweeted up the wazoo so just warning you ahead of time 😛
Humblebrag is just waiting for the Pope’s new Twitter account that I learned about today. I can’t wait to hear your take on how surprised he is that folks thought he was powerful enough to not hide pedophile priests. Can’t wait.
I’m just waiting for the twit pics of his pecs.
Makes me think of ‘Hard to be humble’ by Mac Davis…:-).
Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble
When you’re perfect in every way
I can’t wait to look in the mirror
Cause I get better lookin’ each day
That should be the definition of humblebrag.
Technically this post is a humblebrag, right?
Um, no Adam. Didn’t you read how I’m all about the endangered stink beetle? I could give two shits that my blog is the most popular blog in the history of blogs and I’m going to win awards and stuff and be super famous. The stink beetles are all I can think about. #savethestink
Right on! I was looking at something online about stink beetles just now. I’m considering donating to the cause.
It’s so crazy how I always come up with the wittiest comments when I’m like, not even meaning to. Weird.
Oh my god! That happens to me. All. The. Time. It freaks me out how good my comments can be and I’m not even trying.
haha, wow I am missing out! I purposely avoid twitter because of my addictive social networking personality. But this is insane. You get more hilarious with every post. I have a blogging crush on you Speaker7. For realz.
But Stephanie, I don’t even have any make up on? How can you be crushing on me? Actually that happens a lot to me. I go outside without pants and with ketchup in my hair and people hit on me.
Why do men say I’m beautiful when I don’t have a stitch of makeup on? Why does it hurt so much when I sew makeup onto my face? Why do I have all these scars?
I think the eyeliner hurts the most. I can’t tell you how many times, I’ve accidentally inserted the sewing needle directly into my eye.
If you can move bowels with words, that is, indeed, humblebrag awesome.
I would copyright those words immediately.
Are you thinking I can sell this like my version of metamucil?
What do you and a funeral have in common? You both make me laugh ’till I cry. Of course, I kill time at a funeral (omigod, did I just write that) by putting “in the Bathtub” after all the hymn names. (“I Saw a Mighty Angel Fly… in the Bathtub,” “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing… in the Bathtub,” “I Stand All Amazed… in the Bathtub.” Try it out.) I don’t have to embellish your posts with “in the Bathtub” to make them funny. But, maybe just for a giggle…
I have never been compared to a funeral before. I want to figure out a way to let others know without sounding all braggy.
Oh, well, I cannot help you with that humblebrag, as I am severely lacking in creativity. However, I am sure you can muster up the wherewithal to make a good one. I will be the first one giggling when you do. 🙂 (…in the Bathub.)
Twitter was made for narcissists who want to pretend they aren’t. It’s why I’m there.
I have a “friend” who posted a picture of herself on Facebook not too long ago with the caption, “I wish my boobs weren’t so full, then I could wear this shirt without stretching out the wording.” I commented, “In about 5 years your tits will be so saggy that you’ll wish they stretched out words instead of sparking the ground and starting a fire.”
She deleted my comment.
You have officially been promoted to superhero status in my book.
I need a cape.
You are a god.
And you are my goddess. I mean, Le Clown is cool and everything, but he doesn’t have fun bags like mine.
Oh, my gosh! I hurt myself laughing!
I hope you’ve fully recovered. If not, good luck with those doctors’ bills.
Shit you just became my favorite person! Every time I want to post something like that (and it’s a lot) The Masshole makes me send it to her instead. That way I’ve exorcised the demon and not lost any friends. Not going to lie, it’s unsatisfying.
My friends know what a dick I am sometimes. It’s all in good fun. I just wonder what their super proper girly girl friends think. “Like, ohmigod. That girl is, like, so rude or whatever.”
Oh Speaker this is amazing! Your tweets need to be turned into a book I can give my asshole friends to teach them to stop being assholes. In fact, feel free to call it “Teaching Your Asshole Friends How Not to Be Assholes.”
That title sings. It reminds me of the titles of the other best-selling books I’ve written, but who’s counting?
Totally made an ass of myself trying to be funny on @TheRealSpeaker7’s post.
That could never happen. The ass part, not the funny part.
“I just farted and it totally smelled like blueberries. Weird, right?”
I actually say this in my head whenever I read something really really pointless on Facebook… This post speaks volumes to my life. You rule. (Feel free to humblebrag about it).
this is so good. i’m glad someone is finally taking the piss out of the narcissists on twitter. wait, am i on that? loool. xo, sm
Thanks sm! And thanks for the shout out on your blog. It reminds me of the time Steven Speilberg said I was the inspiration for E.T. #humblebraggery
A “stitch” of make-up? She actually sews her make-up on? Ouch! Now THAT’S dedication!
True story, a person I know had a tweet that was highlighted on one of these types of sites. I think it was something about how it exhausts her to think of all the companies that could benefit from her consulting expertise. Good times.
It sort of exhausts me to think of all the blogs I haven’t read for the past week while I’ve been off visiting the nation’s capital (and Elyse). I know they could really benefit from my always laugh-riot comments.
This post is amazing. And eye-opening.
I’m actually going to dinner tonight with a couple that humblebrags about their relationship on Facebook. I hope the world doesn’t end later. I would rather lick the rims of my tires clean than spend my last moments on earth with them.